Worried about DH, how did we get here?

[fionas]

I kind of know how you feel Mak. DP and I have had a bit of a rollercoaster over the last three years and if it wasn't for my age, I would have preferred to have stuff well and truly sorted out before having another baby.

As the others have said, what does make a REAL difference to us is spending time together. And asking for help. I used to be really atrocious at this. I didn't even ask him to take more leave when I was wheeling myself around the house on an office chair unable to walk with a newborn when each feed would take 1.5 hours and even just holding her hurt like crazy. I just got on with it because I thought that's what you did. It just didn't occur to me that's what partners are there for.

Now, the penny has finally dropped that asking for help is not whinging and DP is not a mind reader. Now I ask for help at the absolute drop of a hat and our relationship is much, much better for it.

[Mak]

Thanks for the caring words fionas and Rinnie. I posted this in October last year after feeling very isolated and quite desperate. I am pleased to report that things are much better than before. As you (and the pp's) have higlighted actually spending some quality time together has been the key to making everyone happier. We really had lost our way together and I think that as outwardly everything looked perfect then we didn;t get any offers of time out etc. We have had a few nights out and this has helped but it is very easy to slip back into old habits. I am also getting much better at saying I need you to this and that rather than just ask for generic help - not specific enough for my DH to know what to do. So this has been a very timely reminder to get on with it all. xxx

[fionas]

Oh that's great Mak. It's so easy to drop the ball on spending time together - we went out for the first time in four months the other night

I did the test in Love Languages (just google it) after it being recommended on BB and I'm someone who feels loved when given one-on-one attention by DP whereas he expresses love in other ways such as helping out - cups of tea, making dinner etc. We had a chat about this the other day and I explained that I need that one-on-one time - we don't necessarily have to go out; it could be when DD is in bed.

So glad that things are going better. Sometimes I think that I should write a list of all the things that help when stuff gets dodgy to remind myself.