I don't agree with smacking DS. DH doesn't agree with smacking DS either. No physical discipline/punishment is a wonderful principle and we 100% agree with it.

Guess what - due to the way we were raised, it was a major tool in the parenting toolbox. One we choose to ignore most of the time - indeed, one we thought we'd thrown out. Oh gosh, turns out when we're sleep deprived, frustrated, stressed with workload, money troubles, a young child continuing to push all our buttons means we do things we are not happy about (although Liebling has been smacked and apologised to less than a dozen times in his life, which I am happy about given how we would have parented had we not thought about it first).

We talk about stuff as a family, but IMO I wouldn't throw my DH out for smacking DS. I think "wow, I wouldn't have smacked for that" - but then DH has more on his plate than I do atm. I'll talk to DH when DS is in bed and we agree other strategies and that works for us. The new strategies are used. These strategies involve me changing my parenting as well so Liebling isn't confused as to what is and isn't allowed. Most of the problems we have as a family is when I think one thing is OK and DH doesn't.

By all means, parenting/anger management classes. Or maybe ground rules for the toddler, your DH having time at the gym and you babywearing when your DS starts to get tired and "mean" to the baby.