Conflicting advice and getting frustrated!!!! *rant*

**PollyA** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:12 AM

In my experience the routine that works best is one you work out with your baby. I give mine the first 3-4 months to show me how they want things and then start to make gentle 'suggestions' like baby would you like your feed a bit earlier so mum can go xyz or maybe you don't need 4 overnight feeds... How about a dummy and a cuddle instead!
Sometimes my negotiating works, sometimes it doesn't.

I also think sleep begets sleep so unless we need to go somewhere I don't wake a sleeping baby especially not one who is gaining weight as beautifully as your bub.

You will work it out. Sounds like you've got a healthy loved baby
X

**~StarBright~** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:12 AM

Tummy time is importnant to help stengthen their neck muscels (sp) etc- but it doesnt have to be on the floor- just holding her on your chest on her belly (while you lay flat-ish) and her lifting her head is fine. I may be a "bad" m,um but i never put my kids on the floor for the 10-15 minutes a day as recomended, or if i did it wasnt in one block, more like a minute at a time a few times a day, just for as long as they were happy. On your chest is great too coz she can see your face!

Its a tough job hey!!!!!!! And parenting is such an important job that you want to do sooo right!!!

But everything you hear is different!!!!!!

**Snowy Love** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:13 AM

You are the stimulation she needs - looking at your face & expresions.

**ss_storm** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:14 AM

it is tough, but I bet you are a great mum, and will be no matter what you do or don't do. Personally, i would do what you feel comfortable with, if you don't want to leave her crying then by all means comfort her. every baby is different and IMO you can't "create" a clingy baby or any other kind of baby, they are what they are! She is only 2 weeks old, this world outside your uterus is completely different to what she has been used to for the last 9 months and it will take her a little while to work things out. Right now, all she knows is her mummy and cuddles, and that's all she needs. Don't worry about stimulating her with toys or anything, for the moment YOU are the centre of her whole world.

**misty** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:17 AM

Well she woke herself Right after I posted last so now she is happily on the boob...
So tummy time doesn't matter at this stage? And I felt bad for not stimulating her!! She doesn't have any toys above her carseat, no mobile to look at in her bassinet, nothing but sleep boobies and hugs. Oh well.

Thank you all so much for reassuring me. It's what I need right now. It's so hard because I was so confident at first, so relaxed and knew what we wanted but now, not so sure... I just want the best for her...

At this age, the world itself is stimulating. As for tummy time - my DD never liked tummy time; so we didn't force her. My boys on the other hand loved it from about 4mths.

**appletree** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:22 AM

I am another one for hugs and cuddles as much as she wants at this age, but on the other hand, if you need to do something like go to the bathroom, make some lunch etc. so long as you know she is not tired/hungry/dirty then you should just go and do it IMO! If she cries for a few mins its not going to do any long lasting damage, and you can always have her right there with you and you can talk to her and she can see you. Yes, its not nice to hear them cry, especially when they are so tiny, but sometimes you just need to go to the loo...

You are doing a fantastic job hun, congratulations on your gorgeous little one! Also, for toys, its probably still a little bit early, my DS would just cry at any toy put near him till he was nearly 12 weeks old, all he wanted to do was sleep and have his boobies.

**MrsBexie** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:26 AM

What would I do without the BB community? I would lose my mind...

Thank you. I really needed the reassurance.

I am just going to have to learn to turn of the voices in the back of my mind saying " you shouldn't do that, it's bad for her blah blah blah" and just do what feels the most right (because nothing feels right at the moment!!)

**onthefly** · January 22nd, 2011, 11:55 AM

Sometimes we think too much when we should just go by feel. I'm a terrible one for overthinking.
At this point it's all about getting to know each other and feeling your way through - trial and error is fine. Everyone is different so there's no possible way there could be one right way of doing anything.
DS and DD are so completely different - there's no way we could do things the same way. DS would not be put down, ever, in the first few months. DD gets grizzly when she's tired and actually wants to be put down. Seems so strange to me after DS.
Advice is just taht, advice. It's not rules or directives or anything you actually have to do. Sometimes it's helpful, often it's not. Just take what helps you and ignore the rest.

**Cranky Kitten** · January 22nd, 2011, 12:57 PM

One little tiny suggestion in addition to agreeing with what everyone's said about going with your instincts and not being afraid to use trial and error to find out what works for you and your baby....someone said this to me when my DD was born - sleep when your baby sleeps.

Being tired yourself especially when they're waking for feeds throughout the night makes everything seem harder and if you can sneak in a little nap while she's sleeping, go for it

**beckoes** · January 22nd, 2011, 12:57 PM

what may have once upon a time worked for someone probably wont work for you...

My DD slept on my breast for most day sleeps for months, either there ir in a baby sling. slept in bed with me at night, i picked her up when she cried and soothed her when she needed it. she is now a very independant, confident 2 and a half year old who sleeps in her own bed!

At the end of the day YOU know what is right for your baby, if you want to sit on the sofa all day at gaze at your sweet babies face as she sleeps on your chest, DO THAT! i remember reading somewhere.... ''you cant spoil a baby'' like they tell you! being bombarded with advice from so many people can make you doubt your own instincts, but listen too and trust that tiny voice in the back of your head and it will get louder!

A good book i read is ''What Every Parent Needs to Know: The incredible effects of love, nurture and play on your child's development: by Margot Sunderland''

Your doing a great job!!

***Ali*** · January 22nd, 2011, 01:14 PM

As for Tummy time, my MCHN told me at our 4-6 week check up, that 1-2 mins of Tummy time at a go was plenty. It makes them so so tired. Also toys, mobiles etc at such a young age can cause overstimulation and makes it harder to get them to sleep.

Follow bubs lead, she knows what she wants! And for all the advice you get (including mine if you like) just nod and smile sweetly and carry on doing exactly what works for you!

**Babyluv** · January 22nd, 2011, 01:40 PM

Oh Hun,
I haven't read anyones responses yet but I will, because I've experienced this. As you know we went to the early parenting unit & they promote feed play sleep. My girl is nearly 4 weeks older than Yours & still wants me to hold her constantly, screams when I put her down, 5 mins tummy time & she's over it, sometimes she won't have it at all. I spend playtime reading books with her, lots of smiling etc. My little chicken won't sleep on her own at all! The MW in hospy told me you cannot develop bad behaviors in or spoil a bub under 6 months. They cry because they need something, even just a cuddle. I think you've got to do what you feel is right, yes she is your first but you still know what's best for her, if it doesn't feel right then don't do it.
I now only talk to ppl I know have similar parenting styles to me as I got sick n tired of ppl making me feel like I was doing the wrong thing.
Sienna is sleeping 5hrs in the night when not refluxy & she has done that herself. I feed her when she is hungry, let her sleep when she wants and cuddle her as much as she wants. I can't let her cry, noooo way.
Either way I say don't feel pressured to do anything at all. If it doesn't sit right with you then there's a reason for that. You're a great mum, you're doing such an amazing job with her & I say be confident in the choices you're making.

**MrsBexie** · January 22nd, 2011, 01:55 PM

Thanks babyluv...
Soo good to hear that she is sleeping 5hrs overnight now!!!!

**aussienic** · January 22nd, 2011, 02:12 PM

personally I never listened to any advice, I just did what felt right for us, or me and my baby.

DS was breastfed, to sleep and in the first few weeks was hardly awake,
I didn't wake him or force play time etc, I just followed his routine.

After a few months we had got into our own routine, of feeding every few hours and sleeping and tummy time, but i would NOT worry yourself honey.

just do what feels right, ignore all the routine stuff if it's not the way you want to live your life.some people just like routine.

I agree with that completely.. I always listened to advice though but learnt to nod my head agree then go home and do what I felt was better for us

If you feel the need to pick bub up then do so. I had babies like that and if I had to do something I would do it but if I wasn't busy I would sit around and cuddle them.

Can I ask why you wake her to play?? Honestly let sleeping babies sleep. A lot of crankiness and having trouble falling asleep can stem from not having enough sleep/

**MrsBexie** · January 22nd, 2011, 02:21 PM

I woke her to play because I had like 5-6 women tell me to not let her fall asleep on the boob an wake her up for playtime. Seemed dumb to me cause Id wake her, she get angry and scream when I tried to get her back down! Lol.

**Catastrophic** · January 22nd, 2011, 02:35 PM

The best advice I had ever got, was
"You do what ever works for you and your baby & you can't spoil a baby before 6m with kisses and cuddles"

When shes asleep let her sleep (unless like some PP suggested she has trouble with weight gain, over tired etc), remember she has been so close to you and your heart beat for the first nine months of her life, she wants you and to feel your closeness, shes's only 2 weeks old, don't stress, your doing fine xoxoxo

**Michelle71** · January 22nd, 2011, 02:53 PM

The best piece of advice - listen, smile sweetly, nod and then use what suits you and throw the rest away

There is no one way to raise a child and every child is different. I personally didn't do very much tummy time at all because I tended to wear all of my babies in a sling so they had great head / neck control and good upper body strength. Mine never slept so waking them was never an issue

And I don't do formal play as such. When they are awake as babies we chat and talk and interact. As they get older we read and play and introduce toys. None of mine had mobiles / toys in the pram or carseat until they were about 6mo. Too much can overstimulate the sensitive child and mine were easily overstimulated.

She is a precious gift who is little for such a short time. Enjoy every minute. Cuddle her, feed her, smell that sweet baby smell because pretty soon she will be a walking, talking 2yo with attitude and you will be wondering where that baby went to

**Babyluv** · January 22nd, 2011, 02:54 PM

Hun I was told at the sleep unit if she falls asleep on the boob wake her up by putting her on the play mat etc and Sienna does the same. Will scream for ages because she can't settle then!