Giving Your Children The Things You Missed Out On As A Child.

[Mum2SweetCs]

I'm giving my kids lots of kisses and cuddles and telling them that I love them every single day. My parents never did that to me or my siblings and still don't to this day.

Totally agree! Never heard my Mum or dad say they loved us. Always complaining about us but i know deep down they love us but their generation and culture has never expressed love to their kids.

We will break that cycle

[Bathsheba]

Oh yes to the "I love you" too! it must have been a generation thing... Both DH's and my parents rarely expressed any kind of approval let alone an "i love you". We tell our kids daily... sometimes several times a day... and yes we broke the cycle of detached parenting. Though it's not as if our parents were totally heartless... just that their focus was on giving us the stuff they didn't get as children... my mother also never had many clothes as a child which is why she proudly sewed everythign for my sister and i... maybe the biggest gift is to actually LISTEN to our kids?

[littlelara]

A sibling. I went through a lot at a young age, was socially awkward and never had an advocate. I would have so loved someone to share all that with me, to be my witness.
I know people get by just fine as only children (in fact, I think I read a thread about it this morning) but I was so lonely... it was really important for me that Beth (and by default Jordy) had someone to be there with them, an ally if at all possible. Luckily they get along well and seem to like each other; I know it could all have gone badly but by having another baby I was at least creating the possibility.
I'm also here, at home, spending time with my children, talking to them. I don't think my mother was ever present either physically or emotionally.
I'm doing my best to make sure my daughter is never afraid of me, so I do not give myself permission to smack because I know that if I was angry enough... well, it doesn't even bear thinking about.
Don't get me wrong, I could do more; I could play with them more and I could get angry less, but at least I'm trying to make changes.
Let my cubs have their own baggage, at least they won't have mine if I can help it

[Rach75]

I try to be affectionate and give heaps of cuddles and kisses Jase trys to say I love you

I am not one for hugs I even feel weird hugging my mum or sister (in fact my sister and I made a pact the other day basically we love each other but we dont need to hug LOL) anyway...I make sure I hug my biys often I want them to grow up loveing being hugged

Jase's family while big on hugs etc..well the woman are men its a handshake *sigh* they rarely say I love you so Jase tries to make sure he uses the words with the boys,

and I want my boys to know that no matter how old they are they can hug their dad their pop etc, they dont have to resort to handshakes

[Roryrory]

Like Lara, the thing I wanted most was a sibling (ideally an older brother, but mum said I should have asked her sooner LOL!)

The only things I missed out on as a kid were a trip to Disneyland and a horse -I had it all. Private school at secondary level, Russian lessons, ballet, organ, guitar, piano, callisthenics, Brownies, horse riding, school camps, swimming, netball, hockey -anything. Mum was a single parent and sacrificed heaps to indulge my every desire. I didn't stick with any of it, mind you, but I had it all.

What I didn't have was holidays and time with mum and dad together. Aside from dad dying when I was nine, they were both always so busy working - mum cleaning the house and at her part-time job and dad at his job and doing renovations. We had one family holiday I can remember.

So for me, it's more about the lessons and schooling but more about the "family unit" activities that is my focus.

[Bathsheba]

Yes, that reminds me Rory: They say "A family that plays together stays together". My upbringing was an example of what not to do: play apart. My parents argued about who should have to take the kids with them every weekend... Mum wanted to play golf and dad wanted to sail. Neither particularly wanted us dumped with them. So usually we were taken around to grandparents or aunts and uncles while our parents played separately... or we had to hang around and amuse ourselves at the yacht club... sometimes we could go on the boat but mum didn't like that idea either apparently. No wonder they split. On the weekends we have been known to go on family trips to Savers (a big department store op shop) as a family activity LOL but at least we're doing it as a family

[kirsty_lee]

Just subscribing to the thread to reply to it later once dd is in bed and i'm sitting down with my cuppa. Must say Bath, a good thread! And i've read all the replies so far, looking forward to replying later xx

[shellbell3]

Growing up we didn't have much money so never had family holidays or outings that cost alot money so now as a mum I do find those things highly important. I want to take DD to shows/ concerts when they come out and expect us to go away at least once a year, doesn't have to be anything flash, just a few days somewhere in the same state and I'm happy.
I also have a thing with doing alot family things, anything, just a picnic or a drive somewhere, I think as I didn't have the perfect family setting growing up I am trying to recreate for myself and kids what I desperately wanted as a child.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

DS has cars and trains... something I missed out on growing up as Mum said they weren't for girls! I love playing with them now. I remember being left to CIO because Mum was looking after my little sister: DS has no CIO, no little sister. I let DS help with the shopping, something Mum was always a bit too precious about. Same as housework.

I listen to DS. I spend time with him. Those two things I did feel were lacking. Oh yes, and DS gets explainations that do not begin and end with the word "because" and I will never tell him to do as I say, not as I do. He als0 has a piano in the house... something I longed for as a child! That and boy toys were the only physical things I wanted as a child. I also allow him to pick things, such as what is for dinner once a week, that were "adult" decisions and I didn't have a say in. I am also consistant. DS knows that what I say now, I will say in five years time. I won't tell him stories of him being "cute" years ago then tell him off for doing the same two minutes later! I also realise that "answering back" isn't rude: it's an attempt to define boundaries, get consistant answers and understand the world. I remember my frustration at rules changing every two minutes and being told off and clouted because I wanted things defined! Yes, it's frustrating. But it's called LEARNING and is important. (Having said that, if DS is very awake and DH is away we will have an exciting "film night" and dance around the sitting room every once in a while for my sanity, but the odd special treat doesn't mean the regular rules aren't there, just that you learn when to bend them!)

[Lulu]

Very true Bath. My greatest memories are of our yearly holidays to Queenscliff - the first 2 weeks of the school year (easier to get time off work) so we had the entire beach to ourselves.

I probably could have done without the dancing, tennis and piano lessons as long as we still had those holidays.