Help husband move on from birth?

[EiffelTower]

I need some opinions to find ways to help my husband move on from our birth experience!

Over a year ago I had a very long birth of about 34 hours which was an induction. My amazing DH was so supportive during the experience but after asking for baby no. 2 for the last few months, he finally admitted that he would love another baby but he is so traumatized from the birth, he doesn't want to get pregnant again any time soon as he can't imagine watching me going through it again.

What can I do to help him out?
Can I get your stats on the differences between your first and second birth? Was it quicker? Is there anything I can do?

[jellybean88]

Sorry you had a rough time has he talked it over with you and debriefed?

Although my labours were short my first was 5hrs induced and second was spontaneous and smoother and gentler and only 1hr so definitely ch easier for second I was also able to do it drug free

[EiffelTower]

Thanks for your reply!
We have had numerous talks about it and although I have told him the second is normally quicker I don't think he believes me!

He hates hospitals and medical procedures so I think this also may be part of it. I think he is slowly coming around but then he will change his mind again and say no!

[beansbeans!]

What helped us was education. We researched, talked it out. We talked over how we would have done things differently, the options etc. We also talked about birth plans and what we would want in them. Also we talked worse case scenarios, what would happen, how we would help each other etc.

[Beatrix]

If he hates hospitals and you are a low risk pg, would he consider a home birth?

[HotI]

You have 'Birthtalk' in Brisbane, if they are close to you. "
Birthtalk is a unique support and education organisation based in Brisbane, Australia, and run by a registered midwife, childbirth educator and mums. " they also have a website.

[AnyDream]

I think it's worth getting him in to talk to someone professional to debrief. I'm not sure how the mental health plans work in this regard, but if you go to the dr together and ask about it, there may be some assistance there. If it's holding you back from taking action, that's a sure marker of trauma. Trauma doesn't just go away - if he doesn't deal with it now, it will just pop up again the next time he has to deal with a medicalised situation - yours, his, or one of the kids. It really is better to work through it now.

FWIW I was the traumatised party after my first birth and I opted to have a CS second time round to avoid the same. Obviously that is not appropriate for everyone, especially since it's his trauma and not yours, but I'm just saying this because it shows there are many different options, many ways to get around it. I think it's fabulous that you are facing this and working on it as a couple before you even try to get PG again, and I'm sure that this is something you can overcome together.

[*Efjay*]

My 1st & 2nd births where long & drawn out also. We approached our 3rd birth with hypno birthing up our sleeve & the training towards that alone was healing & reassuring. Our 3rd child was born in less then an hour of active labour
I would suggest looking into hypno birthing in your area.

[PumpkinZulu]

I'm not sure your reasons for an induction, but often medical interventions (not just induction, but types of pain relief, 'routine' procedures like constant fetal monitoring, breaking of waters etc) contribute to traumatic and difficult labours. Perhaps sit down with your DH and watch The Business of Being Born, and revisit your feelings about not liking a hospital setting. A homebirth may be a perfect fit for the both of you, and an independent midwife would be able to help your DH (and yourself) debrief from your last experience.

[Mum2SweetCs]

Hi there
My dh was very traumatised with first birth also due to 27 hr labour and dd in distress and had to get vac out.

For dd2 he knew what he was getting into although the experience was fast dd2 took only 2hrs, he was less traumatised with it (he still didnt like the whole birthing) but after a month or so he moved on and although he still feels traumatised, seeing dd2 grow and develop totally surpassed any feelings he has.

Hopefully your dh can move on and see the positive outcome

[Bloom]

My DH has had a similar though not as severe response to the births of our 3. My 3rd was the worst for him as we were in hospital for the longest part of the labour. We are in discussion about it, but I am thinking that if we are blessed with a 4th, then I will hire a doula and he wouldn't have much of a role or possibly not be in the room for much of the birth. This is also in part because he has not be a fantastic help during labour (i.e. He napped for a fair bit of the last one!).