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You might want to get a lock for the pantry with another little one coming! A bottle of vodka has enough alcohol to do serious serious damage to a young child! Maybe start crawling around and see what other things she could potentially get into and prevent an incident before it occurs
. Your little ones are too precious to allow them to find that stuff!
Registered User
WTF?!?! Seriously?!?!
Forgive me if I fail to see anywhere in her posting where LMS said she was being 'purposefully mean' to her DD. She is frazzled and stressed out, and very pregnant and hormonal. She came on here to vent and for support, not for judgemental people to look down their noses at her and tell her that she isn't a very good parent!
I will be the first one to tell you that I don't always agree with LMS (I have told her on a number of occaision already, I'm sure!) but she LOVES her DD and is doing a great job at being a parent to her. Her DD is at a stage where she is very full on and inquisitive. I'm not sure if you have ever had a child that can get into anything and everything and insists on testing all the boundaries. I have! It is hard and extremely stressfull! Add to that being heavily pregnant! I think it is amazing that she is coping at all! I certainly haven't at all times, particularly whilst pregnant with the next.
I kind of get the feeling sometimes that it is the person typing who attracts this kind of judgmental nonsense, where if anyone else posted the same thing (myself for instance) they would just get support and condolences. None of us are perfect parents, we are all just doing our best. And we all loose our cool at times. And our kids all find our buttons to push.
LMS - I STILL have these issues with my two boys. I still have to check that there has been nothing stuck in the bottom of the heater everytime before I turn it on. I still go in to find new 'artworks' on walls, beds, people. I still find cups of water tipped into toyboxes, bookshelves, beds, etc. I still occaisionally find Bazza up on the kitchen bench, although he KNOWS full well that that is not on in this house. Unfortunately, some kids are full on. My boys are, even with constant supervision and attention (and lets face it who can be there all the time). Cut yourself a break. You are doing a great job with your DD. She is just a headstrong little girl. So don't let petty people making keyhole judgements get under your skin. You don't need their validation. And you don't need their approval for your parenting choices either.
Moderator
Misty, i agree that sometimes responses sway a particular way based on who the OP is. I think this isn't surprising though. No one can read any post in isolation. How you read it is almost always going to be colored by what you have read from the OP in the past. Especially if there are patterns of behaviour.
While we may not know a person in real life, we form opinions and views of them and their values/beahaviour/attitude, etc based on their entire posting history. I think that's pretty natural. We don't know them, but we know them iykwim. Therefore our responses are going to be 'tainted' by our understanding - whether right or wrong - of the person.
I am not talking about LMS in particular here, I am speaking generally!!
Administrator
Judgemental? Really? I thought it was helpful! I think the reverse could be said here too, defensiveness because of who the OP is. I don't think Muppity was trying to be judgemental at all.
Yanno, in situations like this it might be best not to assume and if you have concerns use the PM function
Registered User
I stand by what I posted.
Maybe because I have had the privledge to get to know LMS in real life, my perceptions are coloured by what I know. And what I know is that her daughter is an adorable, full on little girl who is very loved and treated like a princess by both her parents. I know that LMS house is kept to a MUCH higher standard and is much more baby proof then my house has ever (or likely will ever) be. I know that none of us are perfect parents, and that we all loose our cool at time, and I have 'seen' LMS keep hers at times where I would have long since have lost mine.
I also know that we all have different ideas about discipline and just because you don't agree with a particular method, (ie smacking) doesn't make it wrong or illegitimate.
Giving advice about how to handle a situation, does not require someone to make judgemental assumptions about what kind of a parent someone is.
Registered User
Misty, I have a full-on DS who delighted in finding the furthest possible place from the boundary to hit, so I know it isn't easy too. Just because I haven't experienced the joy of having a full-on child and a pregnancy doesn't mean my experiences are invalid, though. And it does sound like LMS could spend more time in positive interaction time with her DD - but then I know I could with Liebling as well, I think it is a common failing of parents. (The plus side is that Liebling doesn't do too much negative interactions these days as he has found that if he asks for someone to play with him we will stop within 10 mins and give him some attention, so even full-on children don't have to be headaches all the time, even if some days I just need some me-time.)
TBH, if I posted that I was failing and didn't know where to turn, someone giving me a weblink of where to turn would be welcomed. There are many suggestions in this thread (including "man up about the baby gates and either get them or get stressed", which you didn't seem to take offense over: was it because it was all nicey-nicey instead of a bit more blunt?) and only Muppity was observant enough to see that LMS probably needs some help outside of BB.
But I also know what it's like when Mummy Is Just Plain Mean and, while I don't think LMS is being purposfully dreadful, a small child doesn't know the difference and we should never think there are acceptable excuses for being mean, especially to children in our care. When I apologise to Liebling I tell him that my excuses are NOT good enough and should not be tolerated, I don't care if it's PMS or lack of sleep or job stress. Loving people doesn't always mean you're nice to them. And sometimes it just sets up an abuse cycle that passes down the generations until someone does take the external support offered and stops it, which is very hard work.
Registered User
Hugs LMS it's a hard time, one of the downfalls of having kids close together. As pp have said for your sanity lock things up, put them up high and out of the way and close doors. It's not fair on either of you to be constantly saying no and telling her off when it can be avoided. I found the magnetic boards they draw on to be a lot of fun for them at that age, no mess to clean up and quiet, puzzles, books with textured pages or flaps to lift are good too.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Misty, if you (or anyone else for that matter) had posted the sentence above I would have offered you some food for thought and source of assistance just as I did LMS.
I stand by what I said.
LMS if you are offended then I am sincerely sorry because that was not the intent of my post but I'm pretty sure that you know that and the spirit in which it was written.
Registered User
Sounds like you have a high energy but normal little girl on your hands. I feel for you because my DD is the same. She is constantly into everything and I'm forever cleaning. When she throws sultanas everywhere I ask her to please help mummy by picking them up. She lives getting her milk drink and tapping it on the table and making it go everywhere, I give her a wipe and ask her to please clean it up. It's the age hun, they're hard work, exhausting but a lot of fun. When you're pregnant and tired it can be overwhelming at times and everyone has their moments. A couple of weeks ago I made hubby go around and put locks at the tops of our doors as they are sliding, is this an option? I can now keep her out of the bathrooms, laundry and kitchen when I'm not in there. Try to remember that this is a developmental stage, she is not intentionally being difficult, she is just learning and it will pass. I think the best thing to do is eliminate those temptations if you can, involve her in the clean up when she makes the mess and explain why we don't do the things she is doing. Yelling obviously is not something you like to do, so try to avoid doing it if you can as it will only upset you and her. Have you got help, support? Have you considered getting her into daycare or something once or twice a week? Keep her active and busy with colouring, play dough, building things, baking, painting,outside play, sandpit etc, things she is free to make mess with.
I'm not trying to judge you or be pushy just hoping I can offer something constructive for you to work with and hoping things improve soon. Good luck
Registered User
LMS has Put herself out there, admitted that she feels like she is failing. She is having a hard time, like we all do at times. We all have those mummy moments where we feel like we are not coping or doing the right thing and BB is usually a safe place to come and ask for constructive feedback. Most ppl understand that being a mum is the hardest job in the world. As mums we are constantly faced with judgment from others, we strive to be the best that we can be and become consumed with guilt if we have those moments when we feel like we are letting our kids down. Please everyone try to remember this when you respond to someone's post, behind the computer screen is someone who is just trying to be the best mum they can be and is after some constructive feedback and support. Don't shoot someone who is already down.
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I thought i had better come in and lay it straight. No i didn't like two posts that were made after my last post. I found them to be quite offensive and just so out of left field, obviously i am not the only one who thought so.
I'm not going to go into any detail, i won't explain myself as i feel nothing i can say will help any. I posted yesterday quite upset needing some support, reassurance, even just for someone to listen to me.
Now i really do know that i will always get different treatment from a lot of you because you have obviously made your opinions of me, but know that its unfair, its hurtful and whatever it is you think it doesn't make me any less of a human being with feelings. I may annoy, irritate and frustrate you at times but i'm still a person behind the username *LittleMissSummer*.
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If you don't like a post, please report it or contact the poster directly rather than taking it up on the boards.
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LMS - firstly, hugs darl. I do think you cop it unnecessarily sometimes.
Firstly, there's a WORLD of difference between different two-year-olds and it's really horses for courses. I won't repeat what the others have said about moving things out of her reach, child gates etc. etc.
Just some examples. My DD1 sounds similar to your DD. Very high energy. I was housebound (couldn't walk very far, needed a wheelchair to go out, didn't drive) when I was pregnant with DD2 and DD1 was 2.5. Complete nightmare. She's a kid that needs to work off physical energy and needs one-on-one social interaction pretty much ALL day. No matter what 'activity' I tried to set her up with - play dough, painting, crayoning, sticking, etc. etc., she would last less than five minutes. And I do mean literally less than five minutes. I resorted to the TV more than I would care to admit.
DD2 on the other hand has always been great at playing on her own. She's not yet two but she will happily play on her own (or with DD2) for half an hour sometimes. She doesn't really get into much trouble and pretty much does whatever she's asked. Expert at tidying up. DD1 would have just seen it as a game and flung things around.
So given that you seem to have a child more like my DD1, I think you've got to wear her out and get out of the house too. Things like story time were hopeless with DD1, she'd just run around the library. So things like kinder gym, swimming or an indoor playground etc. etc. are better. I know money is tight but getting out of the house is so worth spending the money. Also, d'you have a toy library near you? If you can occupy her with new toys, she's less likely to go searching around the house for 'fun'.
Good luck darl. This age really is the hardest. They get into so much trouble and they have no impulse control. One day, like my DD1, I bet she turns into a very responsible older sister.
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My reply has nothing to do with who you are. I would have replied to any one on the forum in the same manner that posted about her child getting into something repeatedly as I know I have done in the past.
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Hun i know sometimes things can seem harsh but when we take a step back and look sometimes those harsh words are the ones we needed to hear.
I don't think anyone here has said they posted in a particular way because of how they feel about you, in fact quite the opposite - Misty has suggested people have posted that way - those people making the statements your not fond of have said they would post it no matter who it was.
The thing i love about BB is there is a massive variance of people, HOW we parent, WHY we parent a different way and sometimes it's the cold hard facts that make us realise... jesus maybe it's not my baby, maybe it's not my hormones.. maybe just maybe it's a normal part of being a parent and i need to harden up. (not saying that is what needs to happen)
Other times it's an outside perspective you don't agree with but you think, maybe i just need to try something different.
Your right, you DON'T need to justify yourself to people but please don't allow 1 comment to make you doubt WHY people post - honestly if i have an issue with a person i am less likely to post replies because A either they don't really listen anyway or it's not worth my time and getting frustrated... IF i have something to contribute i think can help or i think might snap them out of a certain situation then YES i would post it.
But i would reply the same whether it be my gorgeous friend BG or someone i've never met nor particularly paid attention to.
You asked for advice, some people just have different ways of giving it and i agree with quite a few points.
Sit back, read everything and write down a few ideas (even the ones you don't like) and try a few.
Deep breaths, a cup of tea and a cuddle with DD...
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I posted what I have because I think it's something that you needed to hear. Not because I don't like you or do like you thats irrevelent. TBH i've never met you IRL and only know you as LMS and as LMS I see post after post with the same themes and time after time people saying the same thing. Whether it was you or anyone else I would have said the same thing.
TBH I don't really care if you like what I said or not. You wanted suggestions and thats what I did. I don't feel there is any point in dancing around the situation, who is that going to help? At the end of the day, it's your choice. You need to be the one to decide what type of life you want to live - a happy one with some stress or one that is full of stress and tears.
If you just wanted to vent, maybe you should have posted this in a boo hoo thread instead of a parenting one where people are likely to give you suggestions. JMHO though....
And no, you don't need to justify yourself. However, you do need to take some responsability as a parent of 1 soon to be 2 children. Theres a saying that I have heard oh so many times "if nothing changes nothing changes". You can apply it in so many situations.
I get that parenting is hard, hell I have had my fair share of days where all I do is cry because i'm so stressed and completely over it. In fact as I type this I'm on my 4th day off work with shingles on my face that are sore, exhausted and my body aches, my kids are at home and are loud, noisy and making a mess. But at the end of the day, it's my decision how i parent them. People will give thier opinions and advice and I take what I want from it and leave what I don't. But I also know that sometime I do just need someone to tell me how it is.
I'm not going to come back in here as I feel that maybe your not ready to take any of the advice i have suggested and clearly you feel uncomfrtable with it. I think sometimes everyone get offended at things said to us and it's not until later that we think back and go, yeah, you know what, they weren't trying to be offensive, just trying to help. And i think thats what many people in here are trying to
Registered User
LMS maybe next time just post in the boo hoo section with the title {VENT} if you only want one type of reply?
I can see that people were only trying to help even if it doesn't feel like it to you. To be clear about what you want next time maybe it's best to post there and you won't be offended??
Or if you're happy to hear all points of view post anywhere you like. But you can't really post on a public forum and then get offended when people give advice you don't want to hear I don't think?
You also don't have to take the advice. You know yourself better than anyone and if it doesn't apply then no reason to get upset about it.
I hope you've got something valuable out of this thread anyway because it didn't sound from your first post that things were going that well.
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
i feel like i'm failing all the time. So when i see posts with the word "failing" in them, like this one, i relate. You're not alone LMS. Parenting is very challenging. I hope you don't think you're the only one "failing", cos truely, you're not alone. i hope you find comfort in that, that's what i see this forum is for, realising that the things we struggle with, are things that MANY people struggle with. ANd somehow, when you realise, you're not alone, that can help. In some bizarre cyberspace kind of way. Cos IRL, i go to the supermarket/school run, and see some mum dressed up all glam, with her 7 month old designer baby, and i feel mega inadequate.
i just re-read your initial post again, and had another thought, about the time out thing. In my state, the child youth health nurses protocol about "time out" is that it is most useful, AFTER a child has turned four, because it is then, that a child developmentally, can understand what TIME OUT means. I know Time Out is popular on shows like Super Nanny, although i can't remember if she advises it for kids under two or not. Just a thought. You sounded stressed out, that your DD fell asleep in Time Out. She might just be a bit young for TO to work, just yet.
I hope my comments have not upset you, i would feel horrible if they had. I put what i put, cos you sounded like you needed some ideas. And that's all they are, just ideas. Stuff for you to read (when you feel up to that), try out things that interest you, disregard what doesn't suit. Heaps of people on this site have given me ideas when i'm all spent, so if i can think of anything to help other people who post for help, i give it my best shot.
when i'm down, i can take things very much to heart - read the same thing again when i'm feeling stronger, and take the same words, in a different way.
I cannot imagine what it is like, to be in your shoes (heavily preg. and simulataneously caring for an active toddler), but my heart does go out to you, and i wish you all the best LMS. My memory is so bad, i can't really remember your posts from the last few years (well the specifics), due to my past medical history. Each time you post, i just go on, what you have posted about exactly then.
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