If you didn't do ANY sleep training, when did your children learn to get to sleep ...

[HotI]

Honestly (and I am sure you don't want to hear this), I think I just lucked out

Actually i find it easier to cope with the idea that it is personality or genetics or luck rather than my dodgy parenting. Most of the time i am ok with what i am doing, and think the kids will get there in their own time and i can see the benefits, but just sometimes hearing of other similar aged kids sleeping habits or when some people (cough cough my mum) start giving me their opinion i start to question myself.

We have not done any sleep training at all, my husband slept with her every night ( from when I became pregnant with DD2 as I knew I wanted to sleep with DD2 and we only have a double bed. We knew she would get there by herself in the end and she has.

oh yeah, DH took over alot of the night time stuff with DD at around 18 months. So she actually did need some help, but i wasn't doing it.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I don't think we ever really did any sleep training, we just went with the flow for both girls.
DD1 was the baby you could put in the basinette and she would talk for 5min then fall asleep, as she teethed and got older it became more apparent she wasn't as willing to sleep on her own.
Sometimes we had to just let her sook a little, other times she went to sleep straight away.

DD2 we figured from the start was different, she fed to sleep, had a horrible witching hour right around dinner time that required full attention from me or my boobs and would often be fed to sleep on my bed then moved into her cot.
That worked for us and she started to figure out her own 'routine' as such once she started crawling & walking - this was a big turning point in her entire attitude in general (as you've seen).

I think sometimes it's easy to tell ourselves we are doing something wrong but in the long run i think it's a combination of factors - the temperament of the child, the individual needs of the child and how we react to that.

I was a lot calmer the second time round and just figured this too shall pass... i think the girls now have similar sleep patterns BUT DD1 is sleeping in longer than she ever used to (albeit only 7am) so i am hoping that DD2 eventually catches onto this trend.

[Lenny]

but just sometimes hearing of other similar aged kids sleeping habits or when some people (cough cough my mum) start giving me their opinion i start to question myself.

My SIL happily told us all how their son (who is a teeny bit younger than my DS2) slept like a fairytale. I stayed with them and their son woke up and cried and was left. Sometimes what people say isn't exactly what goes on in reality.

[Nai]

My girls are very different personalities and have different sleep patterns. Both will put themselves to sleep - DD1 was a good sleeper from the start and would put herself to sleep very easily but waking up was a completely different story. If she woke before she was ready - oh man! She was/still is an absolute grump! She is like DP, goes to sleep later, sleeps like a log and has trouble waking up. DD2 was harder to get to sleep by herself and she was a co-sleeper but managed to figure it out around 18m. The other thing was she had reflux and although a happy chucker, lying down made her chuck so that caused some issues. Now she will take herself to bed early and wakes early, like me.

[Cass72]

We didn't do any "sleep training" although I have to admit that I read anything I could get my hands on about getting your little one to sleep.

It just happened one day.

I never "rocked to sleep" unless he was over-tired or ill and we don't cosleep (unless he is ill or DH is away and it's cold....)

We just hit little milestones/hiccups along the way, they included:

• When we stopped swaddling when he started crawling - as a result it took him a little while to get used to self-settling again but he got there.
• Weaned from BFing - he was no longer being comforted by the breast and was offered a bottle.
• No more bottle - I (or DH) would go in, give him a cuddle and pat and he would go back to sleep.
• Moving into a bed - we would walk him back to his room and he would go back to sleep.

He's 2 & 1/2 now and has no problems at all in getting to sleep. Each night he asks for his "jacket" (it's one of those sleepsuits) and he gets a story (either from me or DH) then a cuddle and a then it's lights off. Some mornings we wake with him in our bed, other times he's still in his.

He happily goes to bed during the day for his nap (which can last for 2-3 hrs).

He can sleep...
in his bed
in our bed
on the floor
on the couch
at grandmas
at the shop
in the shopping trolley
in the car
on the stretcher at childcare
in the dark
during the day
with the door shut
with the door open
... for a little one who woke for 1-2 hourly feeds (and was fed on demand) without a "routine" he is so easy to settle anywhere.

[maybebaby2012]

She was two. We tried everything BUT sleep training but she just couldn't/wouldn't sleep through. Even when she did start sleeping through she would wake up incredibly early, and now as she gets older she seems to find it difficult to fall asleep at night despite a really good night time routine of bath, reading, cuddles, & milk. I think it's just her individual rhythms, I too have always been a 'bad' sleeper so maybe she gets it from me?

[Mak]

HotI, I truely believe it is personality and genetics to a degree. I was by all accounts a terrible sleeper, didn't go to bed willingly or to sleep easily.
DD1 - is still a very difficult sleeper. She slept ok as a NB, she was jaundiced and I had to wake her every 3 hours to feed for the first few weeks. She did get longer stretches but when she was 9 months old she went to childcare and had lots of continuous ear infections and then teething. This involved lots night waking and disrupted sleep for a good 8months. We never really got a routine back. She is 6 and still frequently wakes at night, she gets quite anxious about being alone and is a bit of a worrier. I try to make sure we have a calm time before bed and I chat and try to discuss any concerns she may have. Sometimes this backfires as she gets caught up in thoughts. We do talk about trying to relax our minds so we can sleep - we also had a discussion that sometimes we can't just got straight to sleep and that is ok . This has made a massive difference as she was panicking about not being asleep ITMS? She is also able to come into us if she wakes at night, not ideal but really I have a seriously long term sleep deprivation issue and we have just decided to deal with it in as less traumatic way for us all. Oh and we bought a king size bed - it has been the best thing ever. Not sure why have a 3 bedroom house as we do not need it! Things were pretty dire when DD2 was born and I got by on probably 4-5 hours of broken sleep for about 18months. It has been hard but we have also put pressure on ourselves to 'fix' it when really there was little I was happy to do that would have fixed it.
DD2 has been a more solid sleeper (and yet she was cosleeping/demand fed as a baby) but is ultra competitive with DD1/super clingy with me atm and so is waking screaming for me at about 3.30am. That's ok and instead of trying to fight it I just jump in with her. We are all getting much more sleep than we have been and slowly catching up.

[Cass72]

My SIL happily told us all how their son (who is a teeny bit younger than my DS2) slept like a fairytale. I stayed with them and their son woke up and cried and was left. Sometimes what people say isn't exactly what goes on in reality.

Oh my, sounds just like one of the mums at DS2s childcare centre. She came in saying that he was "sleeping through" now. What that actually meant was that he had reached the "appropriate age" to go without that extra night feed and was left to cry it out until the "appropriate time" which was 7am!! Go figure?! Some peope read these guides and take them literally!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Oh my, sounds just like one of the mums at DS2s childcare centre. She came in saying that he was "sleeping through" now. What that actually meant was that he had reached the "appropriate age" to go without that extra night feed and was left to cry it out until the "appropriate time" which was 7am!! Go figure?! Some peope read these guides and take them literally!

Which was 6 weeks for one girl I knew. In bed at 6pm, she went downstairs and cooked dinner. Her DH walked in at 6.30-7pm. Went to work at 7am. Baby was allowed up at 8am. 14 hours of no human contact, taught to not wake/not cry because she didn't get any attention.

This couple had 3 children with 18m age gaps. I wonder if he realised he had babies in the house when they were little - he didn't see them during the week at all, and the grandparents "wanted" them at the weekends.

She had the gall to tell me how to do CIO as it "worked for her" - yeah, but did it work for the children?

[onthefly]

My son started sleeping on his own from around 2 or just over that and also was sleeping through the night at least some of the time at this age. He was probably closer to 3 before he would sleep through most of the time.
I did try the NCSS type stuff when he was a baby, but it didn't get us anywhere. I did nothing to train him as a toddler, he just started doing it when he was ready.
My daughter, we have done nothing. She also slept much better than DS as a young baby, but gradually got worse and worse and just about as bad as him. She's just now in the past 2 months started to settle into longer stretches of sleep at night, but still needs cuddles to get to sleep. I figure she'll be sleeping alone within the next 6 months or so

[HotI]

She also slept much better than DS as a young baby, but gradually got worse and worse and just about as bad as him. She's just now in the past 2 months started to settle into longer stretches of sleep at night, but still needs cuddles to get to sleep. I figure she'll be sleeping alone within the next 6 months or so

Yeah, my little one slept better as a young baby and then got 'worse'. i wondered if i had broken him, but sounds like there are a few kids that follow a similar pattern.

[Cass72]

Just so you know it doesn't last forever.... my DS1 no longer has to be rocked/comforted to sleep .... oh, did I mention he's nearly 18??

[beansbeans!]

no sleep training here. DD1 and DD2 were shocking sleepers. DD1 slept a lot better once we realised that she was more confortable when we co-slept and she just wanted to be near us. DD2 well its her personality, but we found that if she went to bed when she was ready, then she slept better, she also slept better when cosleeping. DD3 is a much better sleeper than the other two, but she sleeps much better in our bed. Sleeping through has never happened in our home before the age of 2.

I used to stress that it was me, something I was doing. But all I was doing was loving them when they needed me. Stories are always exaggerated, 'sleeping through' is something everyone was to brag about even if its not true. We all sleep differently, babies, children, adults. Before children, DH would sleep still all night long, he wouldnt have stirred to a bomb going off in our bedroom, whereas I would toss and turn all night, wake to different sounds and what not. I dont remember the last time I slept for 8hrs straight, and thats before children. I think that it comes down to a lot of things, milestones, metabolism, dream ability, your sleep clock, active sleeping, etc.

The main thing is to know that you are tending your children with love, they will make this transition when they are ready.
You know what though, I spent ages wishing that DD1 and DD2 would sleep through, that I would get more sleep. But now I miss those late night early morning cuddles, DD1 only ever comes to bed when shes sick and I miss her cuddles at night. The same goes for DD2, I even miss her cuddles even though I couldnt stand them at the time... One foot down my pj pants the other up my pj top out the neck hole to rest on my head, and thats not mentioning the kicking and pinching and rubbing her hand up and down my arm all night long

[onthefly]

The upside for us is a little boy who transitioned to a big bed in his own room with zero fuss in one night and who loves bedtime and going to sleep.

[chody47]

My DD has always slept very well. From only a few weeks old she was only waking once at night and by 4 months was sleeping from 10-6ish. For the first year of her life she always struggled with day sleep though (which is actually why I think she's always slept so well at night). It was by 'accident' that we learned DD could put herself to sleep at only a few weeks old when we lay her down whilst getting ready for bed ourselves. After that we would just lay her down and she'd goo and gaa herself to sleep. I hope DD2 is the same!!!

[Artechim]

DS was a terrible sleeper. He went for about 5 months waking hourly, and then improved to only 5-6 times every night for the next year. He had massive hour long tantrums several times a night for months, as well as 1-2 hours of tantrum to get him to bed. It has been a very slow process with him and he didn't go to sleep by himself until he was 4 and slept consistently through the night until 4.5. He has an anxious personality.

DD was also not a very good sleeper, but I wonder how much of that was caused by being woken though the night by DS's screaming. She started going to sleep by herself at 2y3m when room sharing with DS on holidays. From about 2 she was waking once at night and DH was going in and sleeping in her bed. She now sleeps though 90% of the time since just before turning 3.

DD2 is not going very well in the sleep department either. She wakes 5-6 times every night and as a bonus every few nights she will wake up for an hour or three where she rolls around (co-sleeping), pulls my hair, divebombs my face etc. Not cool.

They have all co-slept after the first wake up, because they wake so often it is the only way I can survive. Oddly enough, they were all amazing newborns. They woke only once or twice and all were sleeping through by about 10 weeks. It all fell apart around 3-4 months, I guess when they become more aware.

I have thought about this a lot because I wonder if it is my crap parenting that has landed me a hat trick of cruddy sleepers. I definitely think that personality comes in to play e.g. for DS there was nothing else we could do because he would settle for nothing less than BF back to sleep and he was also very clingy to me during the day.