If you didn't do ANY sleep training, when did your children learn to get to sleep ...

[HotI]

I am trying to work out the influence of parenting, personality etc on sleep.

Can you do no sleep training, not even 'gentle' methods, and have your child learn to fall asleep without alot of assistance, and sleep overnight for long periods?

If you have more than one child, are their sleep patterns similar?

When DS was young, he slept more than DD ever did, but over time he is becoming more and more like DD. I am questioning whether it is what we are doing, or not doing, or whether my kids are always going to need little sleep and need assistance.

i would like to get DS to sleep in the side car cot (rather than in the main bed), but am floundering in how to do it, without a fight which i don't want and don't have the energy for. He has a hammock, but it is starting to become unsafe for him. He doesn't feed non-stop overnight, but does like contact with one of us. I like to keep kids in my room while they are still feeding overnight, but then would like him to move into a room with DD.

Although it can be difficult to get DD to bed and sleep at night, she sleeps well overnight now. I didn't do sleep training with her, except for the Pantley Pull Off thingy to stop the all night feeding at around 10 months. DD slept her first 5 hour stint at 15 months, night weaned a little later (probably pregnancy induced) and largely slept overnight by 18 months. I think this was because we didn't push changes, but made them when she seemed to be ready.

But sometimes i question if whatever i am doing, or not doing, is not letting my kids sleep earlier.

Any advice, suggestions would be appreciated.

[inlove]

DD1 is five and now goes to sleep on her own in her own room with no issues.
We have not done any sleep training at all, my husband slept with her every night ( from when I became pregnant with DD2 as I knew I wanted to sleep with DD2 and we only have a double bed. We knew she would get there by herself in the end and she has.

[nothing2lose]

I think it has more to do with the personality of the child. I can honestly say I never had any issues with getting DD to sleep or sleeping for long periods. I don't think I did anything special or different to anyone else, and I certainly didn't go to sleep school. Honestly (and I am sure you don't want to hear this), I think I just lucked out

I really feel for those who struggle with a little one who doesn't sleep.

[MrsFabuloso]

My DD is 5 1/2 now, and though she doesn't go to sleep on her own, she sleeps most nights through and has for close to a year now. She wakes maybe once a week or so, due to bad dreams, or needing to go to the loo. I have to sit with her (and DS1 -they share a room) until they're asleep. Though I suspect that if she had her own room, she'd be able to go to sleep on her own, having me there is just habit now. She can self settle, and knows when she's tired and needs to go to sleep.
DS1 is 4 and sleeps through probably 4 out of 7 nights. Though can be more wakeful than that. He is getting better, but is terrible at self settling, and really does need me to be with him to go to sleep, to remind him to be still and relax, other wise he's a bundle of worms trying to make himself still! He can sometimes wake up to 3 times a night.
DS2 is still fairly wakeful in the night and needs someone to settle him. He cosleeps with DH or I and can't self settle. I rock him to sleep and have to pat him back to sleep at night, or bf him if he won't settle with patting and a dummy. He wake usually 2 times a night, sometimes up to 4-5 times still, depending on the night.
This is from children who have all mostly co-slept (and often still end up in bed with DH or I) and have been frequent wakers (up to hourly) when they were little, until about 2-ish.

[Arcadia]

I think it is largely personality and genetics based. Are you or your husband anxious people or light sleepers? Some need less help than others and less comfort from parents.

Dd is a bit nervy like me and would only feed to sleep until 2 and even now at 3.5 sleeps in my bed next to me. She did sleep in her own bed for a while but used to wake around midnight looking for me (I would lie with her to help her sleep) so we moved her back in with us and we all sleep better for it.

Ds is more laid back but he still prefers to be fed to sleep. He was a much better sleeper as a baby but is now pretty much how dd was at the same age, ie feeds to sleep in my bed and cuddles me most of the night and wakes for one or two decent feeds between midnight and 6am.

Can you unpack some of your expectations about his sleep. Is there any way to resolve these apart from changing his patterns? I always try to change myself rather than the child because I find it easier. That's just me though (and due to the very very strong will of dd).

Sorry I didn't really answer the question...kids on my feet so I will bbl

[Lenny]

I did a bit of sleep stuff with DS1 and i disliked it. He currently sleeps like a trooper and rarely wakes. He's 4.5. He will sleep in new places, new beds, from 7-7.30 - 5.50

I did nothing with DS2. He slept through the night for the first time when he was about 18 months. He is now in a big bed and gets put to bed, half the time falls asleep within 5 minutes the other half he calls out for me a few times. He wakes one or two times most nights and often wakes up tired, ITMS.

They are very different children. I think the sleep thing has to do with their personalities. I do also think ('cos i'm an expert LOL) that children can learn to 'cope' with less sleep. They get used to it. It might not be good for them, or ideal, but they learn to function. I know a child who seems sleep deprived and is not given the opportunities to sleep that i think are more healthy. He's 4.5 now and can function on the same amount of sleep as me. I think it would take a lot of work/training to get him to sleep for longer now. It's like he's been sleep trained in to less sleep.

[HotI]

Honestly (and I am sure you don't want to hear this), I think I just lucked out

Actually i find it easier to cope with the idea that it is personality or genetics or luck rather than my dodgy parenting. Most of the time i am ok with what i am doing, and think the kids will get there in their own time and i can see the benefits, but just sometimes hearing of other similar aged kids sleeping habits or when some people (cough cough my mum) start giving me their opinion i start to question myself.

We have not done any sleep training at all, my husband slept with her every night ( from when I became pregnant with DD2 as I knew I wanted to sleep with DD2 and we only have a double bed. We knew she would get there by herself in the end and she has.

oh yeah, DH took over alot of the night time stuff with DD at around 18 months. So she actually did need some help, but i wasn't doing it.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I don't think we ever really did any sleep training, we just went with the flow for both girls.
DD1 was the baby you could put in the basinette and she would talk for 5min then fall asleep, as she teethed and got older it became more apparent she wasn't as willing to sleep on her own.
Sometimes we had to just let her sook a little, other times she went to sleep straight away.

DD2 we figured from the start was different, she fed to sleep, had a horrible witching hour right around dinner time that required full attention from me or my boobs and would often be fed to sleep on my bed then moved into her cot.
That worked for us and she started to figure out her own 'routine' as such once she started crawling & walking - this was a big turning point in her entire attitude in general (as you've seen).

I think sometimes it's easy to tell ourselves we are doing something wrong but in the long run i think it's a combination of factors - the temperament of the child, the individual needs of the child and how we react to that.

I was a lot calmer the second time round and just figured this too shall pass... i think the girls now have similar sleep patterns BUT DD1 is sleeping in longer than she ever used to (albeit only 7am) so i am hoping that DD2 eventually catches onto this trend.

[Lenny]

but just sometimes hearing of other similar aged kids sleeping habits or when some people (cough cough my mum) start giving me their opinion i start to question myself.

My SIL happily told us all how their son (who is a teeny bit younger than my DS2) slept like a fairytale. I stayed with them and their son woke up and cried and was left. Sometimes what people say isn't exactly what goes on in reality.

[Nai]

My girls are very different personalities and have different sleep patterns. Both will put themselves to sleep - DD1 was a good sleeper from the start and would put herself to sleep very easily but waking up was a completely different story. If she woke before she was ready - oh man! She was/still is an absolute grump! She is like DP, goes to sleep later, sleeps like a log and has trouble waking up. DD2 was harder to get to sleep by herself and she was a co-sleeper but managed to figure it out around 18m. The other thing was she had reflux and although a happy chucker, lying down made her chuck so that caused some issues. Now she will take herself to bed early and wakes early, like me.

[Cass72]

We didn't do any "sleep training" although I have to admit that I read anything I could get my hands on about getting your little one to sleep.

It just happened one day.

I never "rocked to sleep" unless he was over-tired or ill and we don't cosleep (unless he is ill or DH is away and it's cold....)

We just hit little milestones/hiccups along the way, they included:

• When we stopped swaddling when he started crawling - as a result it took him a little while to get used to self-settling again but he got there.
• Weaned from BFing - he was no longer being comforted by the breast and was offered a bottle.
• No more bottle - I (or DH) would go in, give him a cuddle and pat and he would go back to sleep.
• Moving into a bed - we would walk him back to his room and he would go back to sleep.

He's 2 & 1/2 now and has no problems at all in getting to sleep. Each night he asks for his "jacket" (it's one of those sleepsuits) and he gets a story (either from me or DH) then a cuddle and a then it's lights off. Some mornings we wake with him in our bed, other times he's still in his.

He happily goes to bed during the day for his nap (which can last for 2-3 hrs).

He can sleep...
in his bed
in our bed
on the floor
on the couch
at grandmas
at the shop
in the shopping trolley
in the car
on the stretcher at childcare
in the dark
during the day
with the door shut
with the door open
... for a little one who woke for 1-2 hourly feeds (and was fed on demand) without a "routine" he is so easy to settle anywhere.

[maybebaby2012]

She was two. We tried everything BUT sleep training but she just couldn't/wouldn't sleep through. Even when she did start sleeping through she would wake up incredibly early, and now as she gets older she seems to find it difficult to fall asleep at night despite a really good night time routine of bath, reading, cuddles, & milk. I think it's just her individual rhythms, I too have always been a 'bad' sleeper so maybe she gets it from me?

[Cass72]

My SIL happily told us all how their son (who is a teeny bit younger than my DS2) slept like a fairytale. I stayed with them and their son woke up and cried and was left. Sometimes what people say isn't exactly what goes on in reality.

Oh my, sounds just like one of the mums at DS2s childcare centre. She came in saying that he was "sleeping through" now. What that actually meant was that he had reached the "appropriate age" to go without that extra night feed and was left to cry it out until the "appropriate time" which was 7am!! Go figure?! Some peope read these guides and take them literally!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Oh my, sounds just like one of the mums at DS2s childcare centre. She came in saying that he was "sleeping through" now. What that actually meant was that he had reached the "appropriate age" to go without that extra night feed and was left to cry it out until the "appropriate time" which was 7am!! Go figure?! Some peope read these guides and take them literally!

Which was 6 weeks for one girl I knew. In bed at 6pm, she went downstairs and cooked dinner. Her DH walked in at 6.30-7pm. Went to work at 7am. Baby was allowed up at 8am. 14 hours of no human contact, taught to not wake/not cry because she didn't get any attention.

This couple had 3 children with 18m age gaps. I wonder if he realised he had babies in the house when they were little - he didn't see them during the week at all, and the grandparents "wanted" them at the weekends.

She had the gall to tell me how to do CIO as it "worked for her" - yeah, but did it work for the children?

[onthefly]

My son started sleeping on his own from around 2 or just over that and also was sleeping through the night at least some of the time at this age. He was probably closer to 3 before he would sleep through most of the time.
I did try the NCSS type stuff when he was a baby, but it didn't get us anywhere. I did nothing to train him as a toddler, he just started doing it when he was ready.
My daughter, we have done nothing. She also slept much better than DS as a young baby, but gradually got worse and worse and just about as bad as him. She's just now in the past 2 months started to settle into longer stretches of sleep at night, but still needs cuddles to get to sleep. I figure she'll be sleeping alone within the next 6 months or so

[HotI]

She also slept much better than DS as a young baby, but gradually got worse and worse and just about as bad as him. She's just now in the past 2 months started to settle into longer stretches of sleep at night, but still needs cuddles to get to sleep. I figure she'll be sleeping alone within the next 6 months or so

Yeah, my little one slept better as a young baby and then got 'worse'. i wondered if i had broken him, but sounds like there are a few kids that follow a similar pattern.

[chody47]

My DD has always slept very well. From only a few weeks old she was only waking once at night and by 4 months was sleeping from 10-6ish. For the first year of her life she always struggled with day sleep though (which is actually why I think she's always slept so well at night). It was by 'accident' that we learned DD could put herself to sleep at only a few weeks old when we lay her down whilst getting ready for bed ourselves. After that we would just lay her down and she'd goo and gaa herself to sleep. I hope DD2 is the same!!!

[Artechim]

DS was a terrible sleeper. He went for about 5 months waking hourly, and then improved to only 5-6 times every night for the next year. He had massive hour long tantrums several times a night for months, as well as 1-2 hours of tantrum to get him to bed. It has been a very slow process with him and he didn't go to sleep by himself until he was 4 and slept consistently through the night until 4.5. He has an anxious personality.

DD was also not a very good sleeper, but I wonder how much of that was caused by being woken though the night by DS's screaming. She started going to sleep by herself at 2y3m when room sharing with DS on holidays. From about 2 she was waking once at night and DH was going in and sleeping in her bed. She now sleeps though 90% of the time since just before turning 3.

DD2 is not going very well in the sleep department either. She wakes 5-6 times every night and as a bonus every few nights she will wake up for an hour or three where she rolls around (co-sleeping), pulls my hair, divebombs my face etc. Not cool.

They have all co-slept after the first wake up, because they wake so often it is the only way I can survive. Oddly enough, they were all amazing newborns. They woke only once or twice and all were sleeping through by about 10 weeks. It all fell apart around 3-4 months, I guess when they become more aware.

I have thought about this a lot because I wonder if it is my crap parenting that has landed me a hat trick of cruddy sleepers. I definitely think that personality comes in to play e.g. for DS there was nothing else we could do because he would settle for nothing less than BF back to sleep and he was also very clingy to me during the day.