If you didn't do ANY sleep training, when did your children learn to get to sleep ...

[Nai]

My girls are very different personalities and have different sleep patterns. Both will put themselves to sleep - DD1 was a good sleeper from the start and would put herself to sleep very easily but waking up was a completely different story. If she woke before she was ready - oh man! She was/still is an absolute grump! She is like DP, goes to sleep later, sleeps like a log and has trouble waking up. DD2 was harder to get to sleep by herself and she was a co-sleeper but managed to figure it out around 18m. The other thing was she had reflux and although a happy chucker, lying down made her chuck so that caused some issues. Now she will take herself to bed early and wakes early, like me.

[PumpkinZulu]

It's not you HotI, and here's why: DD has been the BEST sleeper, and she's been the WORST sleeper. I've never trained her in any way, be it gentle or otherwise. Just followed her, followed her cues and been flexible. When she was under 6 months, she'd go down to sleep without much of a fuss (but was always breastfed or rocked or her hair was stroked until she was asleep) and she would sleep through. I believe 6 weeks old marked 6 hours of sleep, by 11 weeks it was 9 hours and not long after she was sleeping 11-12 hours overnight, no worries. Then, she started teething. Slowly, the night wakings increased. Got to about hourly wake ups through the night, often more frequent than that. Crying and fighting sleep, hours to get her down etc. Now, she's in a middle ground. Wakes maybe 2-4 times a night, sleeps in her own room but more than not comes in with us at some point. I rock, cuddle or stroke her her until she's asleep. Very occasionally she has laid down and closed her eyes, or simply gone to sleep without help. I think it's just how she is.

I remember when I was about 4, I was at a friends house and we were taking a nap. Her mum came in and tucked us in, and I just lay there while my friend dozed off. When the mum came back in later to check, she asked why I wasn't asleep. I remember asking her how does someone just go to sleep? She said, you just lie down and go. I said, I can't do that. Still, I find it hard to just drift off. My mum knew that, and would stroke my hair or gently rub my back. Now that's DH's job I think it's just how some people are, and hen I accepted that about DD and just let it go, things became easier to manage.

[Cass72]

We didn't do any "sleep training" although I have to admit that I read anything I could get my hands on about getting your little one to sleep.

It just happened one day.

I never "rocked to sleep" unless he was over-tired or ill and we don't cosleep (unless he is ill or DH is away and it's cold....)

We just hit little milestones/hiccups along the way, they included:

• When we stopped swaddling when he started crawling - as a result it took him a little while to get used to self-settling again but he got there.
• Weaned from BFing - he was no longer being comforted by the breast and was offered a bottle.
• No more bottle - I (or DH) would go in, give him a cuddle and pat and he would go back to sleep.
• Moving into a bed - we would walk him back to his room and he would go back to sleep.

He's 2 & 1/2 now and has no problems at all in getting to sleep. Each night he asks for his "jacket" (it's one of those sleepsuits) and he gets a story (either from me or DH) then a cuddle and a then it's lights off. Some mornings we wake with him in our bed, other times he's still in his.

He happily goes to bed during the day for his nap (which can last for 2-3 hrs).

He can sleep...
in his bed
in our bed
on the floor
on the couch
at grandmas
at the shop
in the shopping trolley
in the car
on the stretcher at childcare
in the dark
during the day
with the door shut
with the door open
... for a little one who woke for 1-2 hourly feeds (and was fed on demand) without a "routine" he is so easy to settle anywhere.

[maybebaby2012]

She was two. We tried everything BUT sleep training but she just couldn't/wouldn't sleep through. Even when she did start sleeping through she would wake up incredibly early, and now as she gets older she seems to find it difficult to fall asleep at night despite a really good night time routine of bath, reading, cuddles, & milk. I think it's just her individual rhythms, I too have always been a 'bad' sleeper so maybe she gets it from me?

[Mak]

HotI, I truely believe it is personality and genetics to a degree. I was by all accounts a terrible sleeper, didn't go to bed willingly or to sleep easily.
DD1 - is still a very difficult sleeper. She slept ok as a NB, she was jaundiced and I had to wake her every 3 hours to feed for the first few weeks. She did get longer stretches but when she was 9 months old she went to childcare and had lots of continuous ear infections and then teething. This involved lots night waking and disrupted sleep for a good 8months. We never really got a routine back. She is 6 and still frequently wakes at night, she gets quite anxious about being alone and is a bit of a worrier. I try to make sure we have a calm time before bed and I chat and try to discuss any concerns she may have. Sometimes this backfires as she gets caught up in thoughts. We do talk about trying to relax our minds so we can sleep - we also had a discussion that sometimes we can't just got straight to sleep and that is ok . This has made a massive difference as she was panicking about not being asleep ITMS? She is also able to come into us if she wakes at night, not ideal but really I have a seriously long term sleep deprivation issue and we have just decided to deal with it in as less traumatic way for us all. Oh and we bought a king size bed - it has been the best thing ever. Not sure why have a 3 bedroom house as we do not need it! Things were pretty dire when DD2 was born and I got by on probably 4-5 hours of broken sleep for about 18months. It has been hard but we have also put pressure on ourselves to 'fix' it when really there was little I was happy to do that would have fixed it.
DD2 has been a more solid sleeper (and yet she was cosleeping/demand fed as a baby) but is ultra competitive with DD1/super clingy with me atm and so is waking screaming for me at about 3.30am. That's ok and instead of trying to fight it I just jump in with her. We are all getting much more sleep than we have been and slowly catching up.

[Cass72]

My SIL happily told us all how their son (who is a teeny bit younger than my DS2) slept like a fairytale. I stayed with them and their son woke up and cried and was left. Sometimes what people say isn't exactly what goes on in reality.

Oh my, sounds just like one of the mums at DS2s childcare centre. She came in saying that he was "sleeping through" now. What that actually meant was that he had reached the "appropriate age" to go without that extra night feed and was left to cry it out until the "appropriate time" which was 7am!! Go figure?! Some peope read these guides and take them literally!

[Liz]

... for a little one who woke for 1-2 hourly feeds (and was fed on demand) without a "routine" he is so easy to settle anywhere.

I think I've found that the best thing about not using routines and training. Can settle the baby/kids anywhere! Currently dd2 sleeps in her pram for day sleeps lol. But it's sooo handy for being out and about with the kids on school holidays. We haven't had to come home for sleeps ever!

[onthefly]

My son started sleeping on his own from around 2 or just over that and also was sleeping through the night at least some of the time at this age. He was probably closer to 3 before he would sleep through most of the time.
I did try the NCSS type stuff when he was a baby, but it didn't get us anywhere. I did nothing to train him as a toddler, he just started doing it when he was ready.
My daughter, we have done nothing. She also slept much better than DS as a young baby, but gradually got worse and worse and just about as bad as him. She's just now in the past 2 months started to settle into longer stretches of sleep at night, but still needs cuddles to get to sleep. I figure she'll be sleeping alone within the next 6 months or so

[HotI]

She also slept much better than DS as a young baby, but gradually got worse and worse and just about as bad as him. She's just now in the past 2 months started to settle into longer stretches of sleep at night, but still needs cuddles to get to sleep. I figure she'll be sleeping alone within the next 6 months or so

Yeah, my little one slept better as a young baby and then got 'worse'. i wondered if i had broken him, but sounds like there are a few kids that follow a similar pattern.

[Cass72]

Just so you know it doesn't last forever.... my DS1 no longer has to be rocked/comforted to sleep .... oh, did I mention he's nearly 18??

[beansbeans!]

no sleep training here. DD1 and DD2 were shocking sleepers. DD1 slept a lot better once we realised that she was more confortable when we co-slept and she just wanted to be near us. DD2 well its her personality, but we found that if she went to bed when she was ready, then she slept better, she also slept better when cosleeping. DD3 is a much better sleeper than the other two, but she sleeps much better in our bed. Sleeping through has never happened in our home before the age of 2.

I used to stress that it was me, something I was doing. But all I was doing was loving them when they needed me. Stories are always exaggerated, 'sleeping through' is something everyone was to brag about even if its not true. We all sleep differently, babies, children, adults. Before children, DH would sleep still all night long, he wouldnt have stirred to a bomb going off in our bedroom, whereas I would toss and turn all night, wake to different sounds and what not. I dont remember the last time I slept for 8hrs straight, and thats before children. I think that it comes down to a lot of things, milestones, metabolism, dream ability, your sleep clock, active sleeping, etc.

The main thing is to know that you are tending your children with love, they will make this transition when they are ready.
You know what though, I spent ages wishing that DD1 and DD2 would sleep through, that I would get more sleep. But now I miss those late night early morning cuddles, DD1 only ever comes to bed when shes sick and I miss her cuddles at night. The same goes for DD2, I even miss her cuddles even though I couldnt stand them at the time... One foot down my pj pants the other up my pj top out the neck hole to rest on my head, and thats not mentioning the kicking and pinching and rubbing her hand up and down my arm all night long

[Teeki]

Yeah, my little one slept better as a young baby and then got 'worse'. i wondered if i had broken him, but sounds like there are a few kids that follow a similar pattern.

I must have broken mine too! I remember those early days when she'd sleep 10 hours straight - heaven! Then she slowly got worse. At one point I was up every 45 minutes with her, it felt like a living nightmare.

Thankfully things are now much better, she's up 2-4 times a night, with the 4 times nights feeling awful. Fingers crossed she doesn't break again because I don't think I can go back to that lol.

[onthefly]

The upside for us is a little boy who transitioned to a big bed in his own room with zero fuss in one night and who loves bedtime and going to sleep.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Not sure what you mean by "no sleep training" - as I kept Liebling in a dark room overnight, told him night time was for sleeping and modelled sleeping during the night, even when he was up and playing around me (some days he is just ready to go at 4am: that doesn't happen with me!).

Around turning 4, just after I think, Liebling wouldn't go to sleep with me in the room. So I'd tell him I was going for a coffee then would come back. He was asleep 5-10 minutes later. Having me sitting next to him/lying in the bed. or having patting, lullabies, whatever, no longer helped. He now goes to sleep on his own every night.

When did he do his first long stretch overnight? 7 days old. I remember this cos I said that Liebling was due before my birthday, so when everyone asked me what I wanted for my birthday (nothing! FFS, I tell you every year I don't celebrate!) I told them that I'd want a good night's sleep at that point. He did do long sleeps as one-offs every few months and I always woke up petrified that something had happened to him when that happened!

First time he consistently slept? 16m after some herbal/natural treatment. Apparently he was low in sulphur. I don't pretend to understand, I was desperate and didn't like him doing 3 hours then being Mr Duracell Bunny again. He wasn't sleeping during the day at this point either, maybe once a week if I were lucky.

After that, about 20m when we realised he should be on goat milk. Then he would get decent stretches, but if I'm honest I still can't bank on sleeping all night. Last night he slept through, 7.30-7.30, but the night before he didn't go to sleep til gone 8, was up at 11, 1.30 and 2, then started the day happily at 6.15. The night before that I think he only woke once. But we can have whole weeks where he sleeps all night too.

So no "sleep training" (IMO), no CIO, no CC, just cuddles when he wakes up, being there when he needs me, not being there when he doesn't. And his sleep isn't too bad, plus he will put himself into his pyjamas and into bed when he's tired. When he's not, he will sit and read/play on the DS (if it is smuggled into his room) until he is. Although he will get told off when I come to bed if he's still awake! And I think it is in part personality, in part him needing me, in part him not being afraid to let me know that he needs me.

[Taurean]

I think it has more to do with the personality of the child. I can honestly say I never had any issues with getting DD to sleep or sleeping for long periods. I don't think I did anything special or different to anyone else, and I certainly didn't go to sleep school. Honestly (and I am sure you don't want to hear this), I think I just lucked out

I really feel for those who struggle with a little one who doesn't sleep.

Me too. DD1 has certainly had some ordinary nights over the years but we did no sleep training with her and she slept through (10-12 hrs) on her own from 9 weeks (freak, I know) and often put herself to sleep without any fuss. I fed her right before bed until she weaned just before she turned 1 but we could put her down in a sleepy state a lot of the time and she'd just nod off. Some nights we had to rock or cuddle her but we just followed her lead.

She slept in a bassinet in our room until 9 weeks then went into sleeping bags in her cot in her own room. She wasn't much of a day sleeper until 6 months so she slept in the sling during the day. She rarely slept in the pram. I worried she's never sleep in the cot during the day but I tried one day on a whim around 6 months (we'd failed miserably in the past) and she slept for 3 hours straight. From that point on we could just put her to bed and she go to sleep most of the time - no tears.

Now, at 3 yrs, she happily goes to bed for her story then goes to sleep by herself without any fuss. She's been doing that for about 9 months now.

DD2 is completely different. She's 9 months old and has only done one 11 hour night (straight through) and that was a few weeks ago. She has slept really well during the day all along though, the complete opposite to DD1. She's hardly needed the sling at all while it was DD1's second home!

DD2 was a good night sleeper with only one or two brief wakeups a night until 5 months then she randomly started waking a lot. It went on for 3.5 months It was taking its toll on me so after speaking to the health nurse, we decided the last thing to try (besides CIO as it's just not for us), was to move DD2 into her own room which we did at about 8.5 months. We started seeing a baby chiro too and things have improved significantly! I often wonder if we honestly made her 'too' in tune with me by having her in our room for so long. It's like we were waking each other!

I honestly think some babies and kids just deal with sleep differently, just like adults.

[Taurean]

Double post

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Oh my, sounds just like one of the mums at DS2s childcare centre. She came in saying that he was "sleeping through" now. What that actually meant was that he had reached the "appropriate age" to go without that extra night feed and was left to cry it out until the "appropriate time" which was 7am!! Go figure?! Some peope read these guides and take them literally!

Which was 6 weeks for one girl I knew. In bed at 6pm, she went downstairs and cooked dinner. Her DH walked in at 6.30-7pm. Went to work at 7am. Baby was allowed up at 8am. 14 hours of no human contact, taught to not wake/not cry because she didn't get any attention.

This couple had 3 children with 18m age gaps. I wonder if he realised he had babies in the house when they were little - he didn't see them during the week at all, and the grandparents "wanted" them at the weekends.

She had the gall to tell me how to do CIO as it "worked for her" - yeah, but did it work for the children?

[PumpkinZulu]

Which was 6 weeks for one girl I knew. In bed at 6pm, she went downstairs and cooked dinner. Her DH walked in at 6.30-7pm. Went to work at 7am. Baby was allowed up at 8am. 14 hours of no human contact, taught to not wake/not cry because she didn't get any attention.

This couple had 3 children with 18m age gaps. I wonder if he realised he had babies in the house when they were little - he didn't see them during the week at all, and the grandparents "wanted" them at the weekends.

She had the gall to tell me how to do CIO as it "worked for her" - yeah, but did it work for the children?

That's disgusting.