They all go through that and it is so hard when they start refusing to co-operate. I have a nearly four year old now and I am still struggling to figure out how to best manage it. I agree with mel, turning it into a game works most of the time. I also find that talking to them about what I want before we play helps as well - "After we play with the toys today, we need to pack them up" or something along those lines. They seem to be more mentally prepared for how it needs to happen if I talk to them about it before we start playing etc. You could also try getting them excited about what is going to happen next - 'As soon as the toys are cleaned up, we are going to watch Playschool (play a game/colour in/go outside).' Don't use it as a reward for cleaning up the toys but it is something exciting that will happen as soon as the toys are cleaned up - if it takes half an hour to clean up, then no outside play before the toys are cleaned up but it will happen anyway so it is not a reward, just something to look forward to. Also try just asking them to clean up one thing. We have a ball pit that we often clean up by counting the balls as we throw them in. Sometimes you might have to start cleaning up and playing by yourself and he might start participating afterwards. It often happens like that in our house. Sometimes a change in direction is a good thing to. I have sometimes stopped and asked my kids if something is upsetting them - and sometimes they are upset about something and that is stopping them from helping and as soon as we talk about it, they are able to move on.

I have also tried giving consequences to my toddlers when they don't help and I have to say, it backfired on me big time. My DD ended up in time out one time and she spent so long there with me in and out talking to her, she didn't end up cleaning up any toys (we were at my parents and my mum tidied up). She got what she wanted - not tidying the toys even though it meant she got in trouble. I was miserable, she was miserable but learned how to get out of doing things she didn't want to. I still struggle to get her to help and have to remember that if I am calm and stay positive, she usually responds much better. Sometimes she still refuses though and it is a struggle to stay calm but I feel better about myself if I do.

Have a few strategies up your sleeve because nothing will work everytime. It is a process. You will figure out what works for you and what you feel comfortable doing. It takes time and I still find myself struggling to know what to do next when I have a toddler that is flatly refusing to help. If all else fails, take a time out for yourself and come back and try again.

The good news is that my DD1 is now at kindy. I have talked to her about pack up time at kindy and she helps because all the kids help tidy up at kindy. She has been lots more willing to do things at home because she does them at kindy too.

I wish the solution was simple ... good luck with your DS