Ah hun. I get a bit the same with my DD (3.5). I hate hate hate being ignored.

I find getting back to basics sometimes helps with my DD.
- Eye contact. Not yelling at her from the other side of the house. Getting down at her level.
- Clear, concise directions. "DD, please put your shoes on. It is time to go."
- Giving her credit for her intelligence. Often when I say "Please put your shoes on." she will ask "Why?" so I explain what I am trying to achieve. "We need to get ready so we can go to the shops. If we do not have shoes on, we cannot go to the shops. We need to go to the shops so we can XYZ."

Same when she is misbehaving. "DD, do not use that tone of voice. Speak to mummy nicely. Mummy will not answer you until you speak to mummy nicely." And then ignore her until she speaks nicely. Failing that - she goes to the thinking spot.

I also second what Arcadia says - can you get some time out?