Thank you everyone

I agree Fiona - I think a lot the problem is mine. Most of it really. It is how I am (not) coping with everything and this is where I am falling short of the mark with keeping it together. Her behaviour has been like this for a good while, but I suspect worse lately due to her own emotions and as a response to my reactions to her behaviour, itms.

We do things together regularly, she loves cooking and baking with me and so do I, although these activities are getting more painful as her inability to listen attentively and follow instructions gets worse, which leads to more frustration and less fun all round.
I am having trouble doing things with her like colouring, as DD2 is full on wanting to be involved in everything, and this makes DD1 frustrated so I tend to let her do her thing and I manage DD2 so she can do it in peace. DD1 EATS every thing - I can't give her a crayon to participate because she eats it - literally, bites chews and swallows it. Text tips, pencil leads, crayons, everything is eaten! PMSL

I do/did co-sleep part of the night with both girls, but this s part of the problem actually - I am never alone, I have no space to myself. They are on me all day, around them all day, being asked to do things and all that all day, then kept awake by them all night, kicked and pushed in her sleep all night, and woken up by DD1 in the morning, who then wakes DD2 up too early every morning and it is too much. So I am putting my foot down and keepng DD1 in her own bed over night so I can at least go to my bed alone and have some space.

So, I am setting about trying to find some more activities that we can all do together, and once the house is fully unpacked and there isn't so much clutter around, I hope things will settle down. I am going to ask my sister to watch the girls for a few hours next weekend and hopefully then I can just get out with a girlfriend, and go to the Gallery or out for lunch or something just me and recharge a bit, clear my head.