I was one of those mothers that just couldn't put my LO to bed crying.
Me too! DS never went to bed crying. As you said, if he grizzled, I didn't go in, but if that escalated into crying, I'd go in. I couldn't stand to leave him upset - 2-3 mins is my max. But, if I did go in, I wouldn't automatically pick him up and cuddle him to sleep. We'd cuddle, pat, soothe etc and when he was calm, drowsy and happy, out I'd go. Sometimes I'd have to go back in, sometimes not. It wasn't an overnight thing, and it wasn't as if he was a newborn. I am talking about an 8 month old baby.

Mad B - Oooh, good call! I know this answer will not adequately explain my stance, but here goes.... Don't get me wrong, I didn't 'make' DS self settle. He did it himself, when he was ready and when I felt he was developmentally ready as well. Part of my role as a parent is to help my LO's be the best they can be, to help give them the skills they need to be productive, happy, healthy, resilient members of society. And to help them to get on in life, on their own - to see that life with mum/family/a partner/ children etc is fantastic, but that they don't NEED those things to be happy iykwim. He's not going to know and get that 'til he's well into adulthood. But it's like building a house - I'm giving him the foundations now and a skill to practise. Sleep is essential for our bodies for so many reasons and having a well rested bub means he can gain and retain new skills more easily, enjoy his awake time more happily etc How many adults are poor sleepers? I don't think I'm being 'mean' or 'cruel' by helping my DS gain a skill he WILL need when he's older. I think I'm attending to his needs in the best way that works for me, my marriage and DS. If another parent chooses to co-sleep, pat/rock/feed to sleep, then that's their choice. As long as they are happy with that. Unfortunately, I think a lot of parent's do the latter because they think they'll be judged harshly otherwise or don't know of any alternatives other than letting their LO scream hysterically. However, if it's what you want to do and it works and it makes you happy, go for it! It's the same as any other parenting choice, it's just that, a choice. It's not cruel or wrong, just different. Same as the choice to vaccinate/not vaccinate or what foods you give your LO's and the whole plethora of other parenting choices we make every day. None of these choices are taken lightly by me, or by others. I pay attention to DS' interests, needs and wants, speak to lots of people, read lots of literature and make my choices accordingly - exactly as you said. And those choices evolve and change everyday, as my understanding changes too. I love the way I parent, I think I am a pretty darn good parent and I am proud to say that out loud!

Ultimately, I think most people agree here, that we all do what's best for us and our LO's, using the best knowledge and understanding we have. The only difference is in what 'the best' is for each of us. Wouldn't the world be boring if everybody had exactly the same knowledge, thoughts and opinions on everything?!