Are you a different parent to what you would have been if your Mum was still here?

[meow]

Nope- I doubt it. My Mum died 12 years ago and I do ponder what our relationship would be like now if she were still alive. At the time she was depressed (I didn't realise until she suicided), was neglecting my younger sister who was living with her, I was in my early 20s and had a lot of childhood issues I was trying to deal with with her so all we ever did was fight.

I wonder if she had overcome her depression and we worked through our relationship if things would have been better but I just can't see it. She had lived her whole life with poor emotional skills so why would it change. Besides all that I now live interstate from my family so she wouldn't be around all the time anyway.

I just count the gifts my Mum gave me. She birthed my younger sister at home so I got to see a real birth and not fear it, she BF long term, coslept and allowed me to view many great parenting techniques that I took for granted as 'normal'. Most of all she gave me my sisters and they are a priceless treasure.

[Lana]

That makes sense meow. Just as we take the good stuff from our parents that we want to copy I imagine everyone has stuff they don't want to do again with their own family.

[Loveinamist]

Wow something it hurts to think about but important at the same time to work through.
My mum died 13 years ago when I was single and at university so well before parenthood was on the horizon for me! I agree with the feelings of feeling unsupported. I had got used to not having that unconditionally love and having mum things done for me but now that I have low days where I sometimes feel I cannot cope, I get jealous of my friends whose mums pop round and do their laundry or cook for them etc. I know for a fact that I shut off a whole jot of my emotions when mum died. I tend to be quite cold now as a sort of defence against losing someone again and that hurt and I hope this doesn't affect my son though I do try to stop being that way. I sort of try and assuage the pain by remembering all the potential conflicts I would have had with mum over parenting. She didn't believe in breastfeeding etc however deep down she would have supported me and would have changed her opinion with knowledge but it sort of makes it easier for me to believe I am not so badly off without her around. I guess we do what makes it hurt less and we will never know any different