ControlFreak, first of all big hugs. When my DD was about the same age we went to sleep school - her waking was beyond extreme - and with my DH away I was literally hallucinating from lack of sleep. You don't want to get to that point. Co-sleeping wasn't an option for me because I sleep really heavily and am obese so it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take. I had persisted with "gentle" techniques for several months by that point but the situation was just getting worse, despite using all the tricks I learnt with DD1.
At the sleep school they taught a method that involved comforting your child in their cot every 5 mins...step one is to find a calm space inside yourself, then go in, tell your child firmly but lovingly to lie down, it's time to sleep, that they are safe and you love them. Then settle them by patting/rubbing back/singing/shhhhing/ but in their cot. Then you go out. If they cry, you never leave them longer than 5 mins (unless the crying is petering out because they're falling asleep). Then you go in and resettle, for a couple of mins, using same technique. You never leave them alone to cry and cry, the trick is to keep going in there at the same frequency (5 mins or a little shorter if you really can't handle it) for as long as it takes, but never picking them up, soothing and comforting in bed. If they are really distressed you can offer a cuddle in the cot, but then straight back into bed to resettle. If they don't settle after the alloted time, you go out anyway. It's hard for the first few nights but after that baby responds more readily to the soothing, and the technique is more about the soothing in the cot rather than the crying. This is not the same as controlled crying where the child is left to cry for ever increasing periods of time, with much less reassurance and comforting. It's also important not to try to do this sort of routine when your child is unwell, when they need extra holding and parental contact than usual.
The other thing I did was increase the energy density of the solid food I was giving her (with extra cheese and full fat dairy) and offering an extra feed before I went to bed last thing at night, as her weight gain had leveled off. The bedtime routine is pretty important too. I also introduced a small snuggle toy at this age which I kept in my bra for a week before giving it to her so it smelt like me. If you do this, make sure you have 2 or 3 of the same toy to save you crawling around trying to find it under the cot in the dark LOL.
I also experimented with a nightlight but this went very badly and in the end decided it was best to keep the room as dark as possible. I also invested in a stool which was the right height so I could sit and lean on the cot side while I patted and shooshed, which helped with my comfort levels which is important when you're operating on so little sleep. I had a particular lullaby tune that I would hum from beginning to end twice & that was the right length to settle her. After about 10 days I really only ever had to go in once or twice to settle and most of the time she just settled happily and went to sleep without any more crying. However on the few occasions she didn't settle I could go right back to the beginning with the technique and the consistency really paid off.
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I tried to gently parent it out for months before I finally got help. It was not a healthy thing to do as I was a mess and both DD and my marriage suffered for it. 
(ETA- argh, couldn't! Seems I have been giving her too much love also!)
). I stayed at my mum's house for a few days for the extra support during the day (she helped look after DS1, cooked for me, etc) and tried the method at her house. It took 5 nights and DS2 was sleeping through the night. It was the best thing we could have done. There was actually very little crying (it just feels like heaps at the time) and DS2 was not at all traumatised because there is lots of reassurance, no CIO.
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