i just think by adding more work for this women who has other stuff to do in the mornings is absurd BUT i suppose it isnt me so i shouldnt care should i?
I agree with Cat, it is what most other mothers do. Everyone is different with how they cope, she may well be fine.
Aside from what directly happens with your DS, what goes on between your EX and his current partner is really their business. If it is something that she could not do, then one would hope that she speaks up for herself, but someone else cannot assume she is not fine with it.
*blink* Who would allow what? Getting on with ordinary day to day life even with a newborn? Unfortunately for a lot of mothers, life doesn't just stop because you've had another baby. Older kids still need to be taken to school and other activities, groceries need to be bought etc, and not all partners have the luxury of taking time off work to take over (for example my DH is a contractor, doesn't work doesn't get paid).
I think unless there is a definite risk or issue involving your DS, the dynamics of who does what in their household and what your ex's new partner is happy doing is really none of your business. I know by week 3 for me with DS I was climbing the walls to get a bit of normalcy back and just get on with it - she may well be the same.
If you consent to his swimming lessons and don't mind who takes him then the rest is for you ExH and his partner to workout.
Ive been there and done that with a new baby and older childrens activities, its just what you do as a parent or in this case step parent. If you have had a bad night then you might miss the activity that day
Im assuming with 4 year old swimming they don't need an adult in the water with them
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I think this is more to do with the fact that it will be her taking him and not you period. I understand the driving thing, I really do - I've been there and done that myself so I know at times it can be hard. But I think you should give her a little credit. She's an adult woman, with a babe of her own and she probably knows her limitations. Is it any different if she drives herself and her baby somewhere on a Tuesday or a Thursday? Of course it's not, but you don't seem to be worrying about that so much as the one day a week she will have your son in the car with her. You're only assuming that she is sleep deprived too - maybe she goes to bed early so she can catch up on sleep? Maybe she has other support to help her take a nap during the day?
I really wouldn't be worrying about this. I think you have to think about the benefits the actual swimming will be to your son and not worry about her.
I agree with the others that we mothers of multiple children often have to drive each and every day. I've just got back from taking DDs 1 and 2 to school/kindy and I reckon I've had maybe 5 hours sleep since I woke Saturday am. Despite the lack of sleep, I'm heading off to yoga in an hour. Yes, I could sleep but I would rather keep my sanity by trying to do things that I enjoy, getting out of the house etc. Maybe your ex's partner looks on swimming with your son in the same way - gets her out of the house and maybe she has a bit of a chat to the other parents, giving her some adult conversation in her day.
ok i hear you all and i wont be worrying about it from now on
Just to add ' if i wanted to really fight on this i wouldnt have allowed it but i didnt say a word except is she ok and he said she is fine so i left it '
Thanks for the replies and yes it is probably me being a tad over sensative but thats why i come here to get myself smacked back into reality so to speak !
Glad you've taken it the right way. I don't blame you for your reaction... you are a loving protective mother just like all of us! But sometimes it clouds how we look at situations and that's where the village can help.
I think it's nice of you to be concerned about what she may or may not be able to cope with, but remember she's not doing something that no other mother has to do when they care for more than one child. Myself included
It really depends on her and what she feels that she can/wants to do. I am assuming that she got into a relationship with you ex knowing that he comes as a package with kids, therefore when your DS is with her, she should treat him as she would her own child. So unless she has some major issues I don't see the problem with her taking him to his lessons. In fact, it would be a bigger problem if she refused to IMO.
It's your child, so of course you care, but unless you have a real good reason not to trust your ex's new partner, then it's just one of those things that you will have to let go....
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