Hey daffomere, Firstly, there is nothing 'wrong' with your DS if he needs another year in 3 year old kinder! Lots of kids do two years of 3yo, it's not about whether there is something 'wrong', it's just about whether he is 'ready'. If I were in your position, I would be asking for a meeting with his current kinder teacher to discuss the reasons for her recommendation. I suspect that it is based upon more than a few tears at drop off - perhaps there are more signs that your son needs a bit more time to develop his social maturity and resilience?
I want to put this gently, because it is clear that you are feeling sensitive... this is not about you, or your parenting or what is 'wrong' with your DS. No one is judging you. It is just a matter of figuring out what your DS needs and providing that for him. Perhaps he needs another year of 3 yo kinder, perhaps her doesn't. Sit down and have a chat to his teacher, talk it over with your DH and do what is best for your DS.
Darl, just want to reassure you that it's nothing you're doing wrong. Some kids are just made that way. I know because my second daughter is just like this. Takes ages to warm up. Some of my friends have never heard her talk because she clams up yet she's a chatterbox at home. She is going through a 'phase' right now. I had to call the childcare centre this morning because she was saying she didn't want to go. We worked something out but she still wasn't happy when I left. I know it's rough.
Now, if she was my first child, I would no doubt be beating myself up. Because she's my second, I'm a lot more accepting of the fact that she's just made that way. My first child has been brought up in exactly the same way yet she is THE most outgoing child you could possibly meet. Everyone comments on how extroverted she is. They are opposites who just came out of the womb with different personalities. I have done nothing to turn my children into introverts or extroverts and neither have you.
I have 2 girls who are not sooky at all, they are outgoing, have been at CC from 12m and generally always happy to go with people they know other than mum and dad - no issues.
BUT both of them had exactly what you are describing in terms of separation anxiety at age 3. It was only with me, not with their dad and was so bad at times that he had to do all of the drop offs because it was just too traumatic. With DD1 I assumed it was because I had DD2 at home and wasn't working and that she knew so she was putting on a show but the CC carers told me that they see it a lot at that age and they assured me it was a developmental phase. They told me this again with DD2 but because I had seen it before I wasn't worried.
There is a lot of time to mature between now and starting kinder next year so I would go with your gut and what you believe. I would also flag it with the teacher next year to keep an eye on him and if there are still issues he can repeat 4 yo kinder (assuming that because I am Vic and you can do that).
Don't beat yourself up, you know him best, go with what you believe to be the best option for him.
Thanks for your words, Fiona.
My son is my first, so yes, that's probably a reason why everything is so raw with navigating the sea of parenting. I have DD who is 20 months, and though she's only little, she already appears VERY different in temperate than DD. For instance, on the days they go to childcare together, I drop the 1 yr old off first, and she's like "Bye bye!" and good to go, whereas the 3 yr old is the crying one. Always makes me kind of chuckle. (and if you throw supposed gender stereotypes into the mix as well).
Thank you!!
I really appreciate your response - and I think you're right, a meeting to discuss is probably a good logical step!!
Our chat the other week was chaotic - in that my son and my DD (she's 1.5 yr old) were pulling on me to get out of the kindy and go to park, so I wasn't able to have a proper chat with her.
And I hadn't even thought about the 'developing resilience', that's a huge consideration.
thank you for your words!
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