We've talked about death with DDs 1 and 2. While we're not religious, they go to a Christian school and so we do what we agreed and support the school's teaching which includes God in heaven obviously. While I don't personally believe it, I think its comforting for children (at least it seems to be for my kids) to know that there is a beautiful place where everybody goes where they die, and where everyone who has died before that loves you is waiting for you. We recently lost a cat and my parents a dog, so the kids think that the cat and dog are now together playing in heaven with my grandmother.

We don't say people in heaven are watching over us because I agree with TFB - that is an unsettling notion for me and I don't like giving my children the impression that they are always watched.

As for the actual grave, I have explained to my kids that when you die your body stays behind, like an empty snail shell they collect out of the garden. The bits that make you "you" go up to heaven.