I've just found out I am pregnant again, and wanted to connect with some people who know what it is like not to have the confidence that a pregnancy equals a healthy baby to bring home.

My first child is now four and has just started preschool. He is all kids of awesome, and we love him to bits. In 2010 we decided to add to our family, and I was told that I was having twins.

At 15 weeks my waters broke, and I was advised to terminate. At 17 weeks I was told both babies were dead, and then 4 hours later that they both had strong heartbeats. I was on home bed rest from 15 weeks. At 19 weeks Aubrey had no heartbeat. At 26 weeks I went in to hospital.

At 28 weeks, I developed an infection, and went into labour. Archimedes lived for 7 hours, and didn't get to hold him until after he died.

My antibiotics were mishandled, and I developed sepsis which didn't respond to treatment. I was in hospital for about 3 weeks after the babies were born, and they were preparing me for transfer to the ICU when I started to turn the corner.

When I came home I was so debilitated that it took me moths before I was able to take sole care of Inigo without help. I spent a year in deep grief, and am now starting to rebuild my life.

About 8 months ago we decided to try for another baby. Our first two conceptions were pretty much instantaneous, so I was starting to think that it was never going to happen, that Inigo would be our only living child.

Then last Friday when my period was due, I took the customary test, and it was positive.

Now every cramp feels like a harbinger of a miscarriage, and every trip to the loo is terrifying. And I'm not even 5 weeks yet. If I wasn't clinically insane before, I certainly will be by September, if we make it that far!

Thanks for listening,

Lara