KAM - sorry t appear to ignore you.... just crazy times for me. Hope you got through Feb ok. I didn't in the end. Even though I thought I was going ok, I was a complete mess. But I have only realised that since..... I didn't expect that this pregnancy coinciding with Amelia's would be so hard emotionally. But it has been and no doubt will continue to be so. Oh well. It's worth it.

Miss B - I am so sorry that your lil bubs grew wings far too early and I hope you're getting by. I can't believe it's Cam's birthday soon..... where has that time gone? Have you sat with Josh's photos a bit more recently?

Rhubarb - How are you doing?

LANEY - this is a very very belated congratulations on the safe arrival of your son Kellen! I am sorry that he was sick initially but glad he's home and I hope you're going well with 3 boys at home!!! Thinking of you lots. But understand if you're hardly ever on line - where would you find the time?

AFM - well hard yards for me lately. But it wasn't until after the 3rd anniversary of Amelia's funeral that I realised just how tightly wound I have been. It was a really sad and amazing thing to wake up the day after the funeral anniversary and realise that this baby, Raspberry Bear, has had more time alive than Amelia or Nicholas or Sophie had. It was so hard remembering everything..... and reliving the funeral. I didn't expect that, nor the strength of the feelings.

But for Amelia's birthday/anniversary we released some butterflies, and went to the family plot at the memorial gardens and just sat on a rug on the ground and enjoyed the rain as it fell on us. Poor HB got startled by the butterflies flapping to get out of their release box, but then was excited to see them fly away. Maybe next year it will be easier for her. She did like the balloons, but I was so mixed up I forgot to get them helium filled, so they were just blown up and tied to the trees in our garden. We still have a few of the balloons kicking around the house.

It saddens me too that my family don't tell me they remember, my babies anniversaries. They might remember, but it feels like they don't, because they don't say anything. I got a really nice card from a friend who had crotcheted some butterflies and then hand made the card. That was so touching and so welcome. Straight to the pool room as they say. That's a keeper. So I am thankful for that, but still hurt that people don't remember.

Apart from that, all is going well with lil Raspberry Bear. An obstetrically uneventful pregnancy. About time, I say. I still have my hossy bag packed, and have had for a while. I take nothing for granted. Steroid injections next week at 26 weeks to facilitate RB's lung development. I am not looking forward to it, those steroids have a whole heap of uncomfortable side effects on me. Perhaps this time will be different?

What else? HB has been sick for the past month on and off, but things seem to be looking up. So apart from it being good for her, at a seflish level, I am looking forward to less sleepless nights for a while.

Better go, it's getting late and I want to spend tome quiet tme with RB whilst they are kicking away. Night ladies. Belly rubs and take care.