I've been in a similar place after going through IVF and not trusting my body - although I wouldn't presume to have dealt with what you're dealing with exactly, itms. I planned to kill myself if I miscarried DS too.
For me, the anxiety was there for most of my pregnancy but I did learn to think positively, which helped. I had counseling to get to that point. All the "what ifs" about losing my baby - they gave me terrible anxiety, but I learned that the anxiety didn't change the outcome. In some ways that reality is terrifying, but it was also liberating. I could enjoy the pregnancy and bond with my baby because being anxious about it wasn't going to change anything.
Do keep talking about it. For me, I found doing something positive for the baby (like buying a newborn outfit, for example) allowed me to remember that, chances were, a live baby was coming home with me.
I hope tms. Be kind to yourself - everything you feel is normal!
What you are feeling is so normal My angels were not as late as Ianto (4wks, 8wks and 17wks) but I understand the feelings you have described. I hate my body, it has failed me and it has failed all of my children.
I am so sorry for what you have been through, I wish there was a way to take away all the pain.
Wishing you all the best for the next 13ish weeks, you CAN do this, I have faith in you.
Oh Teni i think no matter our past experiences we all get to a stage in pregnancy where we stress ourselves to the max, i think the best thing you can do is talk to scott, mention your worries to your support team and get it out in the open.
Don't hold it in, cry for days if you need to we are here and we will listen to anything you have to say, even if it is 100 pages long and we can't figure out a word.
Your an amazingly strong woman, you are and will continue to be an amazing mum both now and after cookie is here.
Today's been a little better, though I've still worried here and there. Not many strong hard kicks, but lots of tumbles and slow pushes outwards. Got a lovely sharp punch/kick right to the cervix before (or around there anyway) - it hurt like hell!
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I cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Your precious little Cookie was trying to reassure you that everything is, and will be ok.
hun.. it can't be easy but we are here for you.
I love how much support I can get here 
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