I've been in a similar place after going through IVF and not trusting my body - although I wouldn't presume to have dealt with what you're dealing with exactly, itms. I planned to kill myself if I miscarried DS too.

For me, the anxiety was there for most of my pregnancy but I did learn to think positively, which helped. I had counseling to get to that point. All the "what ifs" about losing my baby - they gave me terrible anxiety, but I learned that the anxiety didn't change the outcome. In some ways that reality is terrifying, but it was also liberating. I could enjoy the pregnancy and bond with my baby because being anxious about it wasn't going to change anything.

Do keep talking about it. For me, I found doing something positive for the baby (like buying a newborn outfit, for example) allowed me to remember that, chances were, a live baby was coming home with me.

I hope tms. Be kind to yourself - everything you feel is normal!