Bridesmaid 2 weeks after due date..is it possible?

[fingerscrossed]

Hi Sydeny moose,

It's not impossible, but, you may not be able to do any of the bridesmaidly tasks your friend will need from you on the day. If she has more than 2 BM's, you might be able to do the ceremony, but even just with feeding the baby, it'll be very hard to traipse around with everyone for the photos.

My boss was bridesmaid for her SIL 6 days after her 3rd baby was born, but she had her Mum and others help her, and the other bridesmaids did all the 'work'. I'm not sure how they managed to get her dress to fit, maybe it was made 2 days before the wedding?

Maybe you could be more of a very special, honorary bridesmaid on the day, and just be there for your friend. Then you won't have to try to be BM and New Mum....both a tough jobs.

I'm sure you've had a lot of good advise for and against, and you can now decide what's right for you. I'm sure you'll be happy whichever decision you make.

[Tobily]

I wouldn't do it I think it's a bit close?

Even best case scenario and your baby is here a few weeks before the wedding, you still have leaky, engorged boobs and bleeding to contend with - and if you mess up your dress (and it'll be the squirty leaky boobs that'll more than likely be responsible ) it's not like you can change into something else.

Being in the bridal party means an early start and probably a late finish with lots of responsibilities - very hard with a brand new baby to worry about as well.

If it were me I'd be upfront with my friend and tell her that she deserves to have someone who doesn't have all this other stuff to deal with and can focus on her on her special day. I'd just go as a guest where you can have the freedom to tend to your bub as need be.

GL.

[{sarah}]

Like some of the others have said, you could go over which would be my main concern. At 14 days past my due date, I had my first day home from hospital - bub was 10 days over & I had an emergency c/s. There is no way I was even leaving the house to drop my son off to preschool, let alone going to a wedding.

You could very well be able to do it.... Just make sure if you do say yes, you & the bride are aware that things don't alway go to plan & you might have to pull out at the last minute.

[satya]

If you go late you could still be in hospital (particularly if you have a c section). That in itself could not only cause issues with letting the bride and groom down, but also your partner doing the same thing as he'll want to be with you and bubs. I'd be bowing out gracefully and just attending as a guest if you can manage it.

If you had already had bubs there will be no way of predicting what size you will be at that time so your dress is going to cause dramas for the bride & you will also be likely to stress about that too, shoes could be an issue too if you get swelling and your feet haven't yet recovered (some women stay a bigger size after pregnancy). You will not need the added pressure during your first precious weeks with a new bub.

Attending a wedding as a guest is far more fun than as a member of the bridal party anyway so it's not like you are missing out on anything really.

[sydney moose]

Thanks to everyone for their advice, DH and I have sat down and come to realise, as much as we didn't want to. that we are really kidding ourselves to think I will be able to go through with being a BM as there is so much uncertainty surrounding the PG and all.
I will assure my friend that I will still act as an "honorary" BM and help her out with everything, invites, etc See the 3 other BM's are overseas and I am the only one here to help so I want to make sure she doesn't feel like she is losing it all.

We are going to sit down with our friends most likely this week-end and bring your posts with us and at least myself will not be part of the bridal party and share our decision and have a good ol' chin wag about it. I would not want DH not to be part of it and will also be discussing with my OB at the end of this month and work out a plan of action ( maybe get induced to be sure I can be there)

My only concern left is as I am only about 7 weeks in, there is a chance ( and I really can't stand the thought to be honest, it scares the living crap out of me) that I may not carry all the way through, so I guess this is something we will all discuss as to whether we want to wait 12 weeks before making a final decision, and whether they still want DH as well consiedering there is a risk of me still being in hsopital.

So will let you know how it went, but a BIG thank you to you all as this has made my decision not easier but a much more informed one anyhow.

Moose

[sunshine_sieben]

I agree with most posters that it is too close and although bub would most likely be fine, you will be mega stressed.
Another point that nobody has made so far is that the stress of the upcoming wedding might actually complicate or delay your birth. Our bodies do funny things under stress and often labour doesn't start naturally if you are very stressed.
Also, if you do end up going over your due date (and a lot of first pregnancies do go over), you might have to deal with 2 kinds of pressure to induce: one being your doc the other being the impending wedding. If you're interested in having a natural birth, not a good situation to be in (and on a little side note: a wedding is not a vali reason for an induction).
And people have very rightly pointed out how time consuming breastfeeding is in the early days. You can pretty much count on starting a feed every 2-3 hours and it lasting up to an hour. This can mena that you're only at the wedding every second hour.
Also, lots of babies have problems with gas in the early days. Due to digesting food being such a new sensation to them. So you might have a very upset bub to deal with. On the other hand, they do sleep a lot in the first couple of weeks, so you might get lucky.
Especially with DH being in the bridal party, too, I think it will just be too difficult. Your baby might not like being held by anyone else but her parents.
And another thing. Bridesmaids usually have a lot of responsibilities before the wedding. And believe me, when you're about ready to pop there are enough other things to take care of. And you will need some rest, too.
And another thing: This is meant to be HER special day. If her BM has a newborn baby, just imagine how much the baby will steal her show and influence her day. She might not mind that, but I just don't think it's fair.

I would explain all this to your friend and say that due to all these possibilities, you would not be able to be a reliable bridesmaid. I'm sure she will udnerstand. Definitely plan on being there on her special day, but without the responsibility of being her bridesmaid.

All the best with whatever you decide.
Sasa

[sunshine_sieben]

Hi, we posted at the same time.
I just wanted to let you know that I woudl strongly advise you against getting induced just for convenience. Inductions are not without risk. There are a few articles here on BB that you might like to read before going down that road, so that this decision is an informed one, too :-)
The World Health Organisation says: "Birth should not be induced for convenience, and the induction of labour should be reserved for specific medical indications. No geographic region should have rates of induced labour over 10%."
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/...-or-not-induce

And I really do hope that you will carry to term and have a healthy bub. But it might be worth thinking about whether she can wait another 5 weeks to make a final decision about her bridesmaids.
And you are very right, you dont have to be a bridesmaid to be able to help.

Sasa

[sydney moose]

Thanks Satya,

I will give it a read and as I said, to be induced was a suggestion that was made rather lightly without really being serious and something we would and will discuss thouroughly with my OB and in no way would I put the baby's health and wellbeing in jeopardy for the sake of attending a wedding no matter how much I want to be there, but thanks for letting me know as everything is so new, sometimes we assume that we can just mould the baby to our convenience and we are starting to realise that it just doesn't work like that!

The 1st OB appointment will most likely be a big eye opener, it seems like a such a long time to wait til 27th June!!!!!! 15 sleeps!~

Moose

[Junglemum]

I was an honarary BM 6 weeks afte my DD was born. I help with everything leading up to the wedding, i helped my GF get ready on the day (with DD), i even got to sit on the bridal table! I was dissapointed, but in the end very relieved, i knew i made the right decision in not being her BM.
An honerary one isn't too bad. It's really the firendship that is most important in the end anyway.

[Curly]

Hi again

Just wanted to say that you do make a good point about suggesting to your friend that you perhaps wait until the end of the first trimester before confirming that you won't be able to be BM, if she can wait that long for a decision. If I may however, I would advise that you not breathe a word to her about induction. If she doesn't have her baby of her own she may not realise what a big deal that is and get her hopes up. A first pregnancy would only be induced if absolutely necessary - try not to keep that as an option in the back of your head because you will probably be disappointed when you talk to your OB.

Apologies - I hate to be a killjoy!

[sunshine_sieben]

Moose, Of course ou would never knowingly put your own or your baby's health at risk. I didn't mean to say that. I just know from my own experience that at the beginning of a pergnancy we often don't really know mcuh about the different options there are when it comes to the birth and the impact each of them has. I just wanted to give you some info in case you didn't have it yet.

And you are very right, in my personal experience I found that one of the biggest challenges as a new mum was to learn that you can't plan anything anymore :-) You're sure you can get yourself and DD ready to run out the door by 8am? At 7:58 you have to deal with a giant leaky pooey nappy tha requires a complete outfit change and maybe even a bath for DD. You ahve just gotten changed and DD vomits all over you. You want to put DD to sleep so you can watch House (or anything else) jsut for her to decide to refuse bed time today,...
Maybe not being able to plan when labour will start is just something that life throws at us to prepare us for the wonderful ride that is ahead of us.
My midwife also suggested one day that maybe the frequent night time toilet stops in late pregnancy ar meant to prepare us for the broken sleep that is to come when bub is here.

All the best with your pregnancy. I hope you enjoy it. an I hope you will be able to be there for your friend's wedding, holding a very happy and healthy bub in your arms. if you do, make sure you bring a change of clothes for yourself and for bub ;-) And good luck with your first OB appointment!

Sasa

[paradise lost]

2 weeks past my due date i had a 3 day old baby and very huge (36J), very tender, newly engorged breasts (that was the day my milk came in). I was able to get out of bed for 40 minutes to help clean up when the dishwasher overflowed and flooded the kitchen, but i was exhausted by that and stayed in bed for the rest of the day. I didn't leave the house until day 8, and i had a completely normal vaginal homebirth with no complications or stitches. In terms of dress size, by day 4 i was back to my pre-pregnancy weight (i only put on 6kg), i have friends who have toddlers and still trying to get the baby weight off, i think it'd be hard to guesstimate what dress size to order.

Inductions are responsible for many horror stories among mums, and though they CAN go entirely to plan and work out fine, they often lead to complications and sometimes to tragedy (there was a woman mentioned here recently whose induction became an emergency c section which became an emergency hysterectomy to save her life). Some inductions are necessary and those can save lives but it is a weighty risk to take for a wedding IMO.

I think your idea sounds a good one - you will be in the role of BM for organisation/support, but on the day you will take the role you can best cope with as either a guest or a strong mention and thanks in the speech, if you're still in bed with the baby (or not yet with the baby). Though i know what you mean about DH being involved in their wedding being important, keep in mind that he would probably much rather miss their wedding than the birth of his child.

Bx

[sydney moose]

Hello Everyone,

We ( DH & I ) had a nice lenghty discussion with our friends this week-end and funnily enough, they had been having a very similar discussion themselves coming to the same conclusion...DH and I got fired from the bridal party!

I think we were all relieved. The Bride spoke to her mum who confirmed what you have all been saying and did not think it was fair to keep DH either so he can help out with the bub on the wedding day or be at my side should we not be able to attend. I think DH was not expecting to be taken out as well but in the end it makes a more even party for them without having to ask anyone else and just makes more sense.

So that's all done and dusted now, but thanks so much for all your advice and information. So many exciting times ahead!

Moose xx

[sunshine_sieben]

Oh, that must be a weight off your shoulders. I honestly think it is the best decision. Too many variables. Now you can enjoy your pregnancy, look forward to the birth of your bundle of joy and hopefully to a beautiful wedding where you will be able to sit back and enjoy the day.
All the best with everything!
Sasa

[scooby]

Hi
I was bridesmaid for my BF 2 weeks after DS was born i had 3rd degree tear so was very sore down there, very swollen from fluid and of course very big boobs. BUT it was my BF special day i had soooo much fun (felt some normality after the birth) and DS had a fun day with the relies all and all i would say go for it. The other side of the coin is you just might not be able to. First bubs are generally late (i was 10 days over due) so its probably good the decision you came too just go and have a great time without the stress

[ShootingStar]

Personally, i would be honest with them and say you cant make it.
I had a natural birth but had to have an episiotomy. I had other issues too but wasnt able to stand up for long periods for over a month. I think you will be putting too much stress on yourself and your body to be honest.. even if everything goes well with your labour.. you will be still required to stand for some long periods and that couldnt be good.
Best of luck with your decision.

[Cricket]

When I had DD the lady in the room next to mine had needed a c/s & she was on morphine for the pain, I have heard this can be quite common. Most of the c/s mums in my ward were very slowly walking around, bent over due to their pain. I cant imagine this simply stopping within a week? I may be wrong but cant imagine it.

Just a quick note on that point - the intense pain that many post-surgical patients experience is related to the gas that builds up in the intestines because of the anaesthetic. Not to say that the incision wound isn't painful, or that recovery isn't long and sore for many women, but that intense "can't stand up" pain immediately after delivery is often because of gas.

Anyways, about the bridesmaid thing - a good friend of mine did it for her sister's wedding. It was her third baby. She walked twice a day through her whole pregnancy to stay as fit as she could to fit the dress. (not that fitness is a bad thing! But all that just to fit the dress!?!) She also ended up being induced to avoid being overdue, so that she could be in the wedding. (I don't know who her doctor was, but that sounds like a pretty poor reason for induction to me!) She did it, and she and baby were fine, but it really sounds like too much hassle to me!

I think you will be glad that you have opted to step out as bridesmaid - you can still enjoy the day with your friend, if you are feeling up to it, and there is no pressure if you are not!

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy! Welcome to BellyBelly!