8WW as stressful as TWW?

[k4t]

Ok, just got my first BFP yesterday. A bit unclear exactly how far along I am due to screwy PCOS cycles but likely somewhere between 4 & 5 weeks. I'm sure it's completely normal but I'm super stressed now. Freaking out at every little thing from a runny nose to each trip to the toilet - what if there's blood, what if I have some horrible virus etc.

I'm planning on trying to hold out until at least 12weeks before we start telling people just in case something goes wrong but that seems absolutely miles away ATM.

When are you all telling people? How are you coping with keeping it a secret? Any advice?

(Maybe I should have posted this as a 'vent' - it seems like a petty thing to complain about. I'm very thankful I'm in the position to worry about this stuff.)

[Traveller]

It's not petty at all to be worried about your pregnancy, so please don't apologise. And congratulations on your BFP

I never kept my pregnancies a secret from my closest friends until 12 weeks. It was lovely having others who understood why I was tired and grumpy, and who supported me through those early weeks. The one pregnancy that did end in a miscarriage those same friends helped me grieve. However there is no right or wrong and if you choose to keep it a secret then that is fine too. If you are planning on having a scan for dating purposes in a few weeks then that should at least give you a date when you can start telling people freely if you decide to keep it quiet until second trimester or beyond.

[teamalchin]

I'm with Traveller on lots of points. This is our 1st Bub & I was/ still am nervous on every little thing & even thru we had our 1st scan yesterday - I'm still checking to see if its all a dream & my period will still come!
I wanted to keep it quiet for as log as possible but due to bad all day sickenes I ended up telling work very early. I had a hard time from my other in law about telling people early in case we miscarried however as much I didnt tell the world I still think you should share with those you feel most comfortable - who if heaven forbidden soemthing happens they will also provide support :-)
Best of luck Congrads!!

[Mrs O'M]

Hi There,

We recently had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and as it was our first baby we had not told a soul. So we were left alone to grieve and recover without support of family and friends. We are pregnant again at 8 weeks and are facing the same dilemma of do we tell or not? We have our first scan in 2 weeks (we live quite remotely so its not possible before then) and if everything looks ok on the scan we think we will tell the family at chritmas time.

While we dont regret not telling our families and not causing them heartache, we really regret not having a wider support network than each other and sites like belly belly.

I am sure you will make the right decision based on how you feel. I hope this helps.

[forshelby]

I told my immediate family straight away. And when I mc, I was glad they knew and could understand what was happening with me. It would've been hard without their support. Unfortunately though, I too had to tell my boss what was going on earky on as I was having problems, and was quite ill so taking days off. Suddenly everyone knew. I was beyond furious as my DP also worked there and was not ready for everyone to be congratulating him. He didn't want the baby. Anyway, when I mc, it was gut wrenching returning to work and having everyone look at me with pity. It hurt even more when 2yrs on I attended a baby shower with my coworkers for another lady in our office. I was talking to one lady about how i hoped to pg again soon, and she said 'you were pg? I didn't know that'. I was gobsmacked. She had forgotten all about my baby, it felt like it never existed. I wished my coworkers didn't know in the beginning, but I wished it even more when that woman forgot all about what happened. Having your baby forgotten hurts more than nobody ever knowing., IMO.

I don't want to be all doom and gloom though. Just be select about who you tell. You want those who know to support you no matter what.

For the record, in my subsequent successful pg, I told my boss again (different dept, same company) and he bloody told his 2nd in charge without my permission! 2nd in charge was a bigmouth, and kept trying to corner me in front of other staff and MAKE me announce my pg. He knew about my first mc. A few people guessed and the rumours started. It took the joy out of my announcement which I was pretty much forced into because half the damn company knew anyway. I was so mad. To summarize (lol) just don't tell anyone at work, and all will be well . Share with your family.

[k4t]

Thanks for the advice and sharing your experiences.

I think the golden rule seems to be don't tell anyone early who you wouldn't also want to be sharing news of a miscarriage with.

We'll probably consider telling a couple of close friends after 6 wk scan. I'm still undecided about family - I wouldn't mind telling our parents around Xmas (8wks) except for the fact my DH has a huge extended family and I know they'll end up blabbing to everyone no matter if we ask them to keep it quiet.

I'll definitely be keeping things quiet as long as possible at work. Everyone's noticed me going to a few doctors appointments (ie fertility specialist) but thankfully no one has been too pushy about asking why. I keep wondering if my closest co-worker will figure it out as his wife is currently pregnant with their second IVF baby but so far he seems just as clueless as everyone else.