Ok I was in a similar situation to you with me coming home, cooking dinner, cleaning up, making lunches and then crashing on the couch. I handled it this way....now take from it what you will but it has worked thus far with me.
Start of slowly by waiting until he is in a good mood and then asking him to do something like, "Honey can you please take the bin out when you have a chance?"
and then when he does it praise him like you would a Child. say "Honey thanks so much for helping me out, love you!" he will feel appreciated
I also do things like...."Honey would you lift up the washing basket for me and take it to the Laundry...its way too heavy" that will make him feel like he is needed
I also put a special treat in his Lunch Box with a note saying "Thought you might like this...have a great day!"
Sooner or later, he is starting to feel like you need him and want his help...he is starting to feel more in control and before you know it he will just do something to suprise you because he loves when you give him compliments and give him affection.
I know it seems stupid and that men should just "man up" and help when needed but sometimes you need to coax these things out of them.
Also, has he seen the baby on U/S? My DF treated me like a princess the minute he laid eyes on his little son/daughter on the U/S screen....it was like a switch had been flicked to on
If you'd only just starting TTC then it can be a shock that it's "real". My DH refused to believe both this time & with DS until he saw the u/s. Oh, mind you, the time my dog threw up and I threw up as well ... the dog & I were both kicked outside. Then there was the time I did a slow cooker roast chook and threw up solidly until the smell went from the house. Then DH got the idea I had no control and this is what pregnancy is ...
It will take time. If you DH doesn't read, it really isn't worth buying a book, DH never opened "So you're going to be a Dad" and I gave it away.
I recommend a great book called "Dad's pregnant too" It is non-patronising, but really explains things to men about whats really going on and points out how they can make things better or worse. If he won't read the book, he can get a weekly email from the website. My DH still comes up and asks me about stuff he's read about.
He really does need to man up and accept things have changed. You may have a great 2nd and 3rd trimester or you may hit other, harder complications (fx you don't). I've recently developed SPD, so now have difficulty walking, getting up and down stairs, getting in and out of chairs/bed/car etc without a lot of pain. If my DH wasn't supporting me through this both physically and emotionally I'd be stuffed (and so would our marriage).
everyone has given great advice. it sounds as though he is acting out because he realises he may not be getting the kind of attention he''s used to. this time is about both of you but you are the one doing most of the work at the moment. its great if you can sit down and talk things out with him but it sounds as though he might not be open to that given that he said you're on a power trip.
personally i think he needs a dose of reality and maybe need to hear things from someone else. my doctor and the midwives have all given my husband a big eye opener simply by just explaining to him what im going through as a mum to be and what his responsibilties will be going forward. i think hearing it from someone else made it less like i was complaining and nagging and more like this is a real situation and i need as much help as possible. that and im forcing him to read Up the Duff which has also opened his eyes
Everyone has given you lots of great advice. My MIL also needs a kick up the arse for doing everything for her sons their whole lives and thinking the sun shone out their butts... if he hadn't had a couple of years living away from home interstate, there's no way our marriage would have lasted this long...
With DS I was lucky enough to have no sickness at all and was able to just rest when I got home from work once dinner etc was done, so for DH it wasn't such an adjustment. This time though, it's a completely different story. I had post 2pm sickness every day which included the throwing up, not just nausea, couldn't stand the sight or smell of meat or cooking veges - that's what made me chuck, together with the tiredness. Plus working and dealing with a very active toddler, and now at the other end of the pg I have serious back ache and fatigue like I never thought possible! I have had to be very clear all the way along what I needed from him - from simple things like dealing with DS at bath time and even more at bedtime (the bigger I've gotten, the harder it is to sit on the bed and read stories etc...) to obvious things like "If you don't want your dinner chucked up into, you need to cook the meat and do it outside on the bbq"...
It's all so different once there's a third little body to think about, even when it's on the inside! It never used to matter that he was oblivious to what needed to be done to help around the house, because you had the time and energy to do those things, work outside the home and keep yourself healthy and sane! Now things are different but he obviously hasn't worked that one out yet. Like the others have said, you need to be very upfront in a non-heated moment so that he knows it's not simply a knee-jerk reaction or a bad mood. I still have to keep reminding myself that DH is not a mind reader, even after being together 15 years and having gone through the pg thing only a couple of years ago.
And when all else fails, blame the MIL... it'll make you feel better temporarily and remind you of the way you don't want your baby to grow up if it's a boy! Good luck! Hope it all works out for you.
I was just reading through the posts and had to laugh at Kazbah's post with the dog vomit...Bahahaha! I can laugh now because the same thing happened to me last preg. Dog threw up then I did on my hands and knees while I tried to clean it. Needless to say, hubby then had 2 piles to clean while I went outside. I wasn't laughing then though. Hopefully DH is as supportive with this preg!
Hey, I think everyone has given great advice, I just wanted to tell you that there is hope, so don't get too down.
When I was pregnant, DP suddenly quit his job and decided he didn't want to work at all, and he played PS3 all day and night while I worked, and I got paid very little, so every cent was precious, we only just made ends meet, and there was certainly no fun nursery preparation for me!
And suddenly he woke up and went back to work and was fantastic from then on.
I think it took him a long time to really get that we were having a baby. I think the change began when my bump became visible, so hang in there, he may just be taking time to adjust. You know.. going backwards before he can go forwards..
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