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Thread: Negatvie response from partner

  1. #1

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    Default Negatvie response from partner

    Hi,
    I have found out today that Iam pregnant.
    I am ready for this and have been for a while, I ave spoken to my partner about it and he has had a number of different thoughts some positive and some negative.
    Today when I told him he was extremely negative, even to the point that he said how do I know it's mine. We have been together for 11 years and engaged for 6 of these!
    I would just like to know if anyone else had this reaction from their partners, how you coped, how long did it take them to come around. I am so happy to be pregnant, but this makes me soooo upset. :smt022


  2. #2

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    Oh gosh, that is horrible!

    Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. Hopefully your partner just got an initial shock when you first told him and soon enough he will be just as excited as you are.

    Give him time to come around and talk things through together.

    Good luck and i hope he is ezcited very soon
    8-[

  3. #3

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    Congrats on your pregnancy.

    I'm not sure how helpful I will be. He just might need to let the reality sink in first. He did react in a very horrible way. maybe that's his coping mechanism from the shock of it? Had the 2 of you planned or discussed having a baby? Maybe if this came out of the blue he just wasn't sure how to react. I hope soon he gets used to the idea cause it is a fantastic thing.

  4. #4

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    Hi B-J and congratulations on your pregnancy!

    I'm so sorry to hear about how your DP reacted about the news you were pg, however IMO there is a very, very good chance that he is just in shock, and very scared...
    My DP reacted really badly to the news of my unplanned pg, and he tried to force me to have an abortion etc. However I stuck my ground, and as time went on he became more accepting of the idea, however probably only truly embraced the idea of parenthood once our son was born. However - that is an extreme case!
    I would say to give your DP some time... try and convince him to come along to a scan (see if they will give you a 12 week scan?) as it can become a lot more 'real' when you can actually see the baby like that.
    I'm sorry he said those hurtful things to you though...
    All the best, and I hope he comes around soon, and things start looking up.

  5. #5

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    Even though we were trying to conceive, my DH still had a slightly negative reaction when he fond out I was pregnant. Mainly because we expected it to take longer ( I have PCOS) He started saying things like "What if it's not the right time, I think we've made the wrong decision" I was like "Well, it's a bit late to think of that now"

    But once he got over the initial surprise he was fine and very happy.

  6. #6

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    How terrible that your DP reacted this way B-J!

    My DH reacted the exact same way when I told him I was pregnant. We had been together for about 5 years at the time and also engaged, and he still said "Well whose is it then"? :shock:

    I don't really know how i coped at the time?? I was upset, but at the same time I knew I would go through the journey with him or without him!

    I gave myself a few months for him to adjust, then I was going to move town.

    In the end he came around! I was lucky it was early on in my pregnancy. I had a Dr's appointment that I made him go to - practically dragged him there! He heard the heartbeat, and was a changed man! So in all it took about 7 weeks, but it felt like forever.

    I hope your DP is just in a bit of shock and comes around soon. Don't forget to let us know how you go and congratulations on your pregnancy

    Nic

  7. #7
    butterfly Guest

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    First of all Congrats!!!! My x was like that when I was pregnant with our ds. It took quite a few months to come around. Just don't let him bring you down or try to talk you in to doing something you really don't want to. If this is his first he is probably just freaking out, he will come around. Have him go to your dr's appointments especially when you get to start hearing the heartbeat, then he will see it is a great blessing. Good luck to you

  8. #8

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    Hi B-J!

    Congrats on your pregnancy!!!

    Girl, i know exactly how you are feeling!!!
    I found out i was pregnant 2 weeks ago by doing a home test with my DP. It came up positive and i cried. He comforted me and then we started talking about it. He said that hes not ready for this, that he needed a few more years. He said everything will change if we have this kid. He had just finished a University Diploma in film and is desperately seaking employment in the industry. He said well there goes my career. But i said it doesnt have to be that way at all.. you can still do everything you wanted to do. In the end he broke down crying like ive never seen before so we started talking about terminating the pregnancy. We even jumped on the internet and scoped it out. I knew in my heart i couldnt go through with an abortion. But i just wanted him to be happy. In the end we said we'll give it a week and see how we feel after that. I still had to yet confirm it with my doctor which i did the next day. I told him to talk to his friends about it which he did, and i think really helped him.
    My doctor sent me for an ultrasound the following Tuesday. We hadnt spoken about it any further before then.
    My DP came with me and all weekend i was thinking please be happy. Afterwards, after seeing the little thing on the screen and being told everything was normal, on the way home he said well now we have to decide what to do. I was dreading that moment as i knew i couldnt terminate it. He said to me i think we should keep it as there is nothing wrong with it id feel terrible about killing something, as i would too.

    What im getting at is, give him time.. let it sink in.. let him talk to his mates about it.. because my DP was exactly the same as yours when we found out.. and after the realisation of it all he came around. And in fact now 2 weeks later he is really excited about it. So i think, for anyone, it maybe a shock when you first hear about it but when you really think about it, its a gift.

    All the best, and you can always talk to us here if you need to.

  9. #9

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    Thanks everyone,
    he has spoken to a couple of guys he knows that have been in this situation and hopefully this will help him.
    I am thankful he has a lot of time to get used to the idea, as I am only very early. Period not due till Thursday, but felt funny, and the most incredibly sore boobs. So I did a HPT, twice, yesterday both + and another one this morning differnet brand just to be sure - yep +
    i am going to Drs on Fri & hoping he will come with me, mainly because of his disbelief in the HPT.
    Anyway thank you again for you input and I am sure I will talking to you again throughout the next 8-9 months.

  10. #10

    Default

    Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy.

    I am so sorry your DF reaction wasn't what you were hoping for. He was probably just in shock. Sometimes it takes them a while for the news to settle in (so to speak) Give him time.

    Good luck with your Dr appt, hopefully he will come with you and maybe you both could talk to your dr about the pregnancy.

  11. #11

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    Hi, I would just like to thank everyone again for help with this.
    Things are a lot better now. He has spoken to his dad about it, and he has put some perspective on things for DF.
    I have my first scan on 6/2 at 7 weeks,which he said he will come to. Dr wants to make sure baby is where it should be, and get an accurate due date. Which will be the next hurdle with DF, as we were supposed to be going over to Bathurst for V8 supercars in October (5-8), I have worked out I will be due around 28 September. Oh well next year!
    So far all has been well (iknow it is only early days - (5 weeks)). The only couple of things bothering me are my huge sore boobs, and my lower back is killing me. No nausea or anything yet x fingers.
    Anyway hope to speak to you all a lot during this, I am a first timer and have no idea what Iam doing so I am gonna need all the help I can get.
    Cheers B-J

  12. #12

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    B-J I am so happy for you to hear that your DF has come around and is being more supportive.
    Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy!

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