Pregnant at 20 and fiancé is unsure about keeping the baby ?

[Jellybean29]

My mum lives in hervey bay which is a real nice spot I wanted to move there once my fiancée finished his apprenticeship which would be the end of this year bit he doesn't even want to do that... And he's heaps worried about how would we pay off our cars and save for a house and all that if I had the baby ?

Most car loans are only 5 years so by the time the bubs is ready for school and costing more than you should have them done. Thats how I feel about our 25k personal loan anyway, we only got it beginning 2010 and its a 5yr one. If you don't have a mortgage than you are in a better position already, rent is cheaper than a mortgage, and saving for a house can wait till maybe bubs is in school and you can work more?

Your fiancée sounds a little selfish to me also ..... jst based on what you've said.
As others have said, follow your gut, the decision is yours, not your fiancée's to make. If you decide to go through with it and the fiancée walks out, remember you don't have to do it alone, everyone on bellybelly will support you and i'm sure your Mum will too. I was petrified of breaking the news to my Mum because she'd been so vocal about us waiting to have kids till we were financially ready, but in the end she is crazy for baby and crocheting him cardigans and spoling him and he isn't even out of my belly yet! Her reaction was "well your a big girl now, you will find a way to make it work" (i'm 24 btw i think it says so in my sig), and "hundreds of thousands of people make it work, you can to." Which was not what I was expecting at all out of her! So you never know until you tell her.

[charliebear]

IT sounds like you're in a really difficult situation, have you considered seeking professional advice and counselling? Your partner sounds scared and not ready, and to be fair to him, he is only 19 and maybe it's better that he's honest with you than he tells you it's all fine then runs for the hills when it's too hard for him. I know you're not much older, but you sound ready for this, and based on what you're saying he isn't.

I fell pregnant about 6 months into my relationship with my husband. He behaved very badly, I had a termination of pregnancy and I was very sad about it for some years. But we've now been together for 8 years and we have a wonderful 3 and a half year old son. I'm very happy and I have no regrets.

Having a child when you're ready is a lovely thing and I had a really easy time of it. Having one when you're not ready is a huge strain on relationships and on people. Babies are hard work. I'm not trying to dissuade you from the course you've chosen, I just want you to be damned sure that you know what you're getting into because parenting usually involves long hours with no break, not even to go to the toilet! It's true that babies don't cost much, but it's also a bit simplistic, because I can tell you I would have a lot more money if I was working instead of caring for my son! The only new clothes I have are from op-shops and they don't fit right. And I'm not complaining because I went into this with eyes wide open. I hope you keep your eyes wide open when you are making your decisions on where to live and who to share your life with and whether you are ready for the commitment of parenthood.

I don't envy your situation, it sounds really difficult. Best wishes for you and those around you.

[Miss.M]

So I told my mum this morning. And she was a bit disappointed but said that she supports my decision no matter what and that there is always a place for me in qld for me and the baby.
so that makes me feel alot better aboit things I just need to tlk to the fiancée more and find out what's going through his head and yeah work things out from there...
You have all been a great help and I take everyone of your comments into consideration.
Thank you

[raffy]

Hi miss m

Firstly congratulations. I fell pregnant with ds at 19 and my DF completely freaked out, but the second he saw that little blob in an ultrasound he was in love. I hear about this happening a lot to where men get scared and then are back on the scene as soon as the baby is born so stay positive, it will work out. As for finacially, eBay is fantastic, and so is layby!! Not to mention things like baby showers and presents haha you will be fine and your DF will come around, hey mine did and now we are expecting baby number 2 and we are only 21. Feel free to pm me if you ever need to chat or vent. Everything is going to be ok

[Jellybean29]

So I told my mum this morning. And she was a bit disappointed but said that she supports my decision no matter what and that there is always a place for me in qld for me and the baby.
so that makes me feel alot better aboit things I just need to tlk to the fiancée more and find out what's going through his head and yeah work things out from there...
You have all been a great help and I take everyone of your comments into consideration.
Thank you

Thats good news, Mums are awesome All the best and I forgot to say before, Congratulations!

[RainbowBrite]

Congratulations!
I am glad to hear your mum is there for you...sounds like you really need the support.
Maybe your bf just needs some time to get used to the idea of being a dad...it can be daunting.
I fell pregnant at 20 also...my BF was a little scared for a while but quickly fell in love with my growing bump and with our daughter when she was born. We didn't have much but we got through with buying 2nd hand and scouring op shops (no ebay back then :LOL
She is now a beautiful, happy, healthy and smart 16 year old

[LionsandBears]

It's a tough decision to make. It sounds like you want to keep the baby. Things to consider include, if you choose to terminate, can your relationship survive that or would the grief/ regret be too much? Some relationships can survive especially if it's a mutual decision. Others don't.

Alternatively, can your relationship survive you having the baby? Whilst babies can be cheap, they're hard work and that stress can be too much for shaky relationship especially if one person didnt want to have a child yet. Can you do it alone? What kind of support can you get from your Mum and her bf? Will your df want access? Are you prepared for chasing child support for the next 16-18 years? Remember, if you have a child together you have a permanent connection even if you end up despising each other.

How will you as a single mum or you as a couple deal with things if something goes wrong and say you lose the baby or the child gets sick or has special needs? Can you handle a pregnancy yet? Some women have easy pregnancies, others end up on bed rest or with serious health issues.

All these things can and do happen. I suggest talking to a counsellor or having a more in depth talk with your Mum about how you can handle the nitty gritty. Sorry if this seems harsh but I think it's important to understand as much as you can before making such an important decision.

[willow5]

Glad to hear your mum is there for you! It will work out for the best whatever happens and whatever you choose.

[*Sparklez*]

Oh wow, this is truely an amazing ending for you both, COuldnt be more happy for you guys,, HUge :HUG:

Keep us updated