thread: when to tell other child

  1. #1
    beck.o Guest

    when to tell other child

    i am dying to tell my 4yo ds but our ob. has advised us to wait until 12 weeks. if he was younger i think i could probably get away with a simple explanation of 'why the baby isnt there anymore'. (just in case i miscarried)
    he has commented on my tummy getting bigger recently and i was so close to telling him. also, we are not telling our parents until we have told angus. so im just bursting.
    when did you tell your other children about your pregnancies?


  2. #2
    Registered User

    Aug 2004
    Hunter Valley, Wine Country, NSW

    Mark and I told the boys (Mark`s 2 boys from first marriage) about the pregnancy at 4 weeks, we both wanted then involved right from the start and I`m glad we did.

    Take Care


  3. #3
    Registered User

    Jan 2005
    Down by the ocean

    I was wondering the same thing yesterday. We are not TTC ATM but will be in the next month or two. Yesterday I was bloated due to AF and was loafing on the couch as you do, and Mason patted my tummy and said "Mummy big tummy".
    I don't think I could hide it from him for too long as I would be too excited and he doesn't miss much!

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Aug 2003

    Just remember that if children talk! So don't tell any siblings unless you are ready to share the news with everyone
    I think its a great idea to involve the younger kids, but then like you mentioned, explaining a miscarriage to a young child could be hard.
    I'll leave this to the people that have more than one child......

  5. #5
    layla Guest

    It's a hard one but I think it depends on the age and level of understanding the child has, like you said.
    Kids are amazingly aware of what's going on around them though. Let's just say, for arguements sake, that something did go wrong, your son is old enough to want to know why mummmy isn't well / in hospital etc.
    We told our kids from the start with the last pregnancy and when I miscarried they knew what was happening and we all dealt with it together. I think it would have been worse if they hadn't known what was going on.
    This time around we told them at 8 weeks and although I was scared of having to dissapoint them again, it was great to let them tell family and friends our news.
    I think you do what feels right for you at the time.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Nov 2004
    Western Australia

    We told the girls aged 10, 8 and 6 straight away. We just couldnt keep it from them and rationalised that with if anything bad did happen...they would know anyway.


  7. #7
    Custardtart Guest

    There's no 'right or wrong' answer to this one, just expect that once you do tell them they are going to tell EVERY adult they meet "My Mummy's having a baby!", including the checkout chicks and lollipop lady!

    It's a very exciting event in a child's life, and they just can't keep secrets at that age, so tell them when you are prepared to let the world know.


  8. #8
    Registered User

    Apr 2004
    Outer East, Melbourne

    Hi - I told Caitlin at the doctors when i had it confirmed, and that was at about 6 weeks. She's three and bit years old.

    I told her that she will be able to feel the baby kicking when my tummy gets big and shes asked every day since if it has kicked yet.

    If anything did go wrong, I would tell her that the baby died. We've had a bit of experience with death - grandmas dog and my dad, who died before she was born, she says that they have died and gone to heaven. No idea what it means, but shes happy with that explanation.


  9. #9
    Registered User

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    We told DD as soon as we had a + POAS, we then lost the baby a few weeks later & we dealt with it & included DD, she is 6. She wrote a poem for her baby brother or sister & knows that the baby has gone to heaven..
    I think it would have been harder for me to try & hide my sadness & tears, now I just shared them with her & we all lay on the couch crying & cuddling together!!!! With this one she is SO excited & I guess now it feels like forever for it to come out!!!!

  10. #10
    shauntae Guest

    Hi Guys,

    We told my (back then) 2 y.o when we first got our bfp… didn’t really mean much to him. Then I m/c at 11weeks in june last year & we just stopped talking about it, and so did he. I think it was a combination of not knowing what to say to him, and not wanting to talk about it. Anyways, when I got pg again in nov last year, we left it till 12 wks then brought it up again…he didn’t ask any questions. So we think is just assuming mummy has had this baby in her tummy for ever! Although now he is almost a year older now, and tells everybody baby is coming in july….that’s very cute. In hindsight, I would have waited til 12 week mark, but it didn’t seem to have much effect on him so we were lucky.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Oct 2004
    Outer Eastern Subs - Melb

    We told our 7 1/2yo DD as soon as we found out at about 6 weeks. Understandably, she's a lot older than a lot of your children, so she took the news easily.

    We too have had enough experience with death and have been very open about it with her. The basics of it being that people die because they are either a) too old, b) too sick or c) too injured. If we had m/c we would have told DD at the same time so we could grieve together, knowing she would understand that the baby's wasn't well enough to grow into a baby who could live outside my body. Fortunately that hasn't happened, however we have still mentioned that anything can happen and although 'Squishy' is big and strong, "it's not over til the fat lady sings".

    All the best with your decision.


  12. #12
    Custardtart Guest

    LOL, Rachel - It's not over til the fat lady grunts, screams, sweats and moans!! I don't remember 'singing' entering into it


  13. #13
    beck.o Guest

    thanks for your replies. i can see both sides. i ended up telling my family on the weekend but have decided to hold off just a bit longer to tell ds. im already starting to show a bit and people are noticing, including ds. i cant wait to tell him.


  14. #14
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    It is a personal thing, Imc when dd was 7 and ds 2 and a half, I mc at 11 wks and they both knew we were pg, so we just explained that he baby wasn't well and had gone away to heaven, I was pretty sick too so It was good for them to know. I don't regret talling them from the start, they coped without a prob, better than me anyway. They are matter of fact and asked questions which we answered honestly.

    Best wishes Mcihelle

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Mar 2005
    Sydney, NSW

    Im glad to have found this topic, Im wondering the same about my 6 year old. I think that because it's school holidays in NSW, Im going to leave it until the day before she goes back to school. I will be 6 weeks then. One mother at school knows, so if by the off chance she told her son, I don't want my daughter finding out from him. On the other hand, once DD knows, so does Dear mother in law, and all the fam, so I have to be ready for that.
    I was debating telling anyone incase something happened, but I have now decided that if it does, it just means I've got some support around me and don't have to hide the grief as well. .
    The other thing that someone mentioned is how clued on kids are. I know that sooner or later DD is going to "overhear" a phone conversation or talking between me and DH, and I don't want her to find out that way either.
    So thank you all, I've decided it will be the end of next week and I can't wait!!!