why do women feel the need to share their horror stories?

[Chippy]

My DPs Mum is the worst. While she is very excited and has told the world (even though we asked her not to!) she keeps telling us not to get excited and then proceeds to tell us about all her miscarriages and the baby she had who was born still. I've heard the story at least 20 times in the last 8 weeks.

It does make sense though that the horror stories come from a place of trauma for the Mamas who tell them. There's such silence around the impact of pregnancy and birth loss and trauma. The culture needs to change.

[csab]

Pregnancy is different for each person, no pregnancy is the same. Make the most of your time being pg and enjoy the wonders of this beautiful little life growing from within. People can give you their horror stories, but your story can very well be different and so much more better than you could have imagined. Unfortunately there are so many women that do have complications thru out pg, and possibly labour but you must know that each person is different, different circumstances etc. Ignore these stories that upset you and get ready for the most wonderful experience of your life. Becoming a mother. All the horrible stories women have told may stick in your mind, but unfortunately they always seem to forget telling you that once it was all over they had the most precious gift anyone could ask for. A tiny little person, that is apart of them. Once that baby is born, you will see what a truly special moment that is.

You soon will have your own birth story to tell, and it will be wonderful....

[~Belinda~]

It seems that every time I have mentioned to any other woman that I am 6 weeks pregnant, they automatically feel the need to share their miscarriages, still births and pregnancy, birth horror stories. And then have the nerve to say, "So are you excited?" I read the research and 85% of all conceptions go to full term without any complications. But why does it seem that everyone I seem to bump into only have bad experiences? Where are the women out there that have enjoyed being pregnant and had a wonderful experience (but painful obviously).
They say that you should not stress out about things! Well my message to these women is,
"Please think twice before blurting out your issues on a newly pregnant first timer, its hard to get excited about something that by most women's comments is doomed for failure".

Any newbies finding this, or is it just me? its distressing and I do my best to ignore them and not let their comments sink in. But now I am just getting cranky about it!

What don't other Mums tell you when you're pregnant!? Even after you have your baby, they still continue to give you horror stories of how awful their days are and they're so negative! Trust me...don't listen. Just shrug it off as all pregnancies and children are different. Each family is different too. If you choose to sleep with your baby, not BF, feed them solids at 4 months etc, it is up to you!! Having Madeleine has been awesome for us. And all those horror stories they gave me! HAHA, some woman said she didn't even get time to brush her hair. Righto...why is it that some days I can straighten my hair whilst my daughter watches me? You enjoy your pregnancy and tell those women to bugger off LOL!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I LOVED pregnancy. It's fantastic. It's enjoyable. Ignore the sciatica, it doesn't last forever. Pregnancy is GREAT. TBH, labour doesn't hurt. Honestly. Just relax and go with it. A baby coming down is less painful than a period.

I will not discuss anything else unless asked and I'm up to it. Which, right now, I'm not.

I used to laugh at the horror stories and just ask how come they did it again then, then walk off. I suggest EVERY woman does the same to stop this rudeness.

[belfie]

Firstly, wow this is just such a fascinating thread!

It's funny, I was actually in the "I don't want kids" camp for quite some years (gosh that feels shocking to admit in here!), and looking back (after the overnight change of mind) I realise a lot of it was based on fear. The number of people who used to whinge/complain/gripe at us about pregnancy/birth/parenthood was phenomenal... and then at the end they'd say, so are you guys having kids? Our running joke was that it was the worst marketing strategy ever!

When I changed my mind, all my rational reasons for "not having" didn't change one bit... just the emotions/hormones/heart said yeeeeeees. And amazingly enough, so did DH's! I'm going into this with my eyes open and I can't wait for this exciting thrilling change in my life.

So far I haven't copped too many bad stories, but I tell you what, I'll borrow some of the great lines from you lovely ladies when I do!

[SamiH]

I think this falls into the same category of - why do people think it is suddenly ok to pat your stomach without asking????

I had two relatively easy stress free pregs and births, and then 2 miscarriages - one a missed m/c. I had no idea like Kitt3n said that a missed m/c was so common until joining BB - so maybe you should recommend those sharing to join BB ....

I suppose I might fall into that category occasionally though as depending on who I am talking to, I say this is my 5th preg, but I don't do the gory details.

Good luck
Sam

[BeHappyEveryOne]

Just wonted to say Congratulations

Maybe point out to these women that you are stressed and don't need to hear it.

Good Luck

[mumrach]

Sami H- I am in total agreeance with you on the whole BELLY TOUCHING ISSUE!! I love my family touching it and feeling the kicks, but so many people that I don't really know used to love touching my belly. It used to really give me the creeps....