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Thread: why do women feel the need to share their horror stories?

  1. #19

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    Puppies... firstly a HUGE congrats on your pregnancy!!!

    Secondly, I think so many people are glass half empty and I'm a glass half full person, so I found the same thing. I have a friend who is currently 22 wks pg and I've actually told her that people will feel the need to tell her all these bad/painful things but to ignore them!! I LOVED being pregnant and had the MOST amazing and wonderful birthing experience. I had my little man and felt I could go back straight away and do it all over again!! I did hypnobirthing and it was wonderful. I think that you will find a lot of ladies here who have had amazingly wonderful experiences.

    I hope you have a fantastic pregnancy and birthing of your little bubba and try to ignore the lovely horror stories people think we need to hear! Oh and by the way, the honest truth with my birthing experience... I had no pain (so it does NOT have to be painful at all) and no drugs - I attribute it to hypnobirthing (or sometimes called calm birthing).



  2. #20
    paradise lost Guest

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    I think it's the same as the old customer service adage - if you get good service you tell 3 people, if you get bad service you tell 9 people. Somehow people who feel they had a hard time are determined to tell everyone and their dog about it.

    On the other hand i had a great birth and people DON'T want to hear about it. I actually had some older women snort "that's not a STORY!" when i told them about it. My birth story is here. I had a very strange labour, but i LIKED it. Yes it was a challenge, but so is running 10 miles and i do that for fun too

    Best of luck hun.

    Bx

  3. #21
    ~Belinda~ Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by puppies View Post
    It seems that every time I have mentioned to any other woman that I am 6 weeks pregnant, they automatically feel the need to share their miscarriages, still births and pregnancy, birth horror stories. And then have the nerve to say, "So are you excited?" I read the research and 85% of all conceptions go to full term without any complications. But why does it seem that everyone I seem to bump into only have bad experiences? Where are the women out there that have enjoyed being pregnant and had a wonderful experience (but painful obviously).
    They say that you should not stress out about things! Well my message to these women is,
    "Please think twice before blurting out your issues on a newly pregnant first timer, its hard to get excited about something that by most women's comments is doomed for failure".

    Any newbies finding this, or is it just me? its distressing and I do my best to ignore them and not let their comments sink in. But now I am just getting cranky about it!
    What don't other Mums tell you when you're pregnant!? Even after you have your baby, they still continue to give you horror stories of how awful their days are and they're so negative! Trust me...don't listen. Just shrug it off as all pregnancies and children are different. Each family is different too. If you choose to sleep with your baby, not BF, feed them solids at 4 months etc, it is up to you!! Having Madeleine has been awesome for us. And all those horror stories they gave me! HAHA, some woman said she didn't even get time to brush her hair. Righto...why is it that some days I can straighten my hair whilst my daughter watches me? You enjoy your pregnancy and tell those women to bugger off LOL!

  4. #22

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    I LOVED pregnancy. It's fantastic. It's enjoyable. Ignore the sciatica, it doesn't last forever. Pregnancy is GREAT. TBH, labour doesn't hurt. Honestly. Just relax and go with it. A baby coming down is less painful than a period.

    I will not discuss anything else unless asked and I'm up to it. Which, right now, I'm not.

    I used to laugh at the horror stories and just ask how come they did it again then, then walk off. I suggest EVERY woman does the same to stop this rudeness.

  5. #23

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    Firstly, wow this is just such a fascinating thread!

    It's funny, I was actually in the "I don't want kids" camp for quite some years (gosh that feels shocking to admit in here!), and looking back (after the overnight change of mind) I realise a lot of it was based on fear. The number of people who used to whinge/complain/gripe at us about pregnancy/birth/parenthood was phenomenal... and then at the end they'd say, so are you guys having kids? Our running joke was that it was the worst marketing strategy ever!

    When I changed my mind, all my rational reasons for "not having" didn't change one bit... just the emotions/hormones/heart said yeeeeeees. And amazingly enough, so did DH's! I'm going into this with my eyes open and I can't wait for this exciting thrilling change in my life.

    So far I haven't copped too many bad stories, but I tell you what, I'll borrow some of the great lines from you lovely ladies when I do!

  6. #24

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    I think this falls into the same category of - why do people think it is suddenly ok to pat your stomach without asking????

    I had two relatively easy stress free pregs and births, and then 2 miscarriages - one a missed m/c. I had no idea like Kitt3n said that a missed m/c was so common until joining BB - so maybe you should recommend those sharing to join BB ....

    I suppose I might fall into that category occasionally though as depending on who I am talking to, I say this is my 5th preg, but I don't do the gory details.

    Good luck
    Sam

  7. #25

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    Just wonted to say Congratulations

    Maybe point out to these women that you are stressed and don't need to hear it.

    Good Luck

  8. #26

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    Sami H- I am in total agreeance with you on the whole BELLY TOUCHING ISSUE!! I love my family touching it and feeling the kicks, but so many people that I don't really know used to love touching my belly. It used to really give me the creeps....

  9. #27

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    Nothing used to annoy me more when I was pregnant that listening to other women tell me how horrible their experience was, how I'd *have* to have drugs/epidural, and how I'd never get any sleep. Only one woman told me a positive story and basically said to me that I'd be right. A big pooey to everyone who doubted me, because I had a great labour - I'd go as far as saying an easy labour. It didn't get hugely painful until the baby crowned, but even then I was so focused on getting it out that it wasn't unbearable. I make a point to tell women when they ask that it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone makes out and that its entirely doable without drugs. So many women still look at me like I'm stupid for not having an epidural which still drives me nuts.

  10. #28
    ~Belinda~ Guest

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    Same here leebee...I had a relatively quick labour (5 hrs) for my first and so many women gave me horror stories. I didn't have an epi either, just gas and a peth shot but that didn't kick in anyway until after she came out. I was induced too and although your contractions came hard and fast, I got through it! Shame on all those mothers who made me fear labour!!!!!

  11. #29

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    My MIL was the worst.

    In the first week we knew i was pregnant she told me how bad her labour was and how many m/c she had to get her three kids. Hello it's MY turn, i want a positive experience OK? All she did after the birth was complain about how much longer she had to push for (I only pushed for eight minutes )

    I too had an amazing and fantastic birth. I ENJOYED it so much that it's made me want to be a midwife, so I can support women through it, so they can have as empowering and liberating, CHOICE experiences like mine! This is my birth story if you're up for a lookie - but it is 5000 words long .

    Wishing you a H&H pregnancy hun, and don't listen to anyone. I say do what Rosehip_Fairy says and if anyone tells you how horribloe birth is ask them why so many women go back for more.

  12. #30
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    i had a "horror'' labour and delivery - and i discovered, after i survived this, there is nothing to "do" with that trauma and experience afterwards. Everyone is focussed on the new baby, it's like what i had just gone thru had never happened (as far as everyone else was concerned.) No debrief, no medical explanation, nothing. So i have alot of unresolved grief about what we went thru.

    i have since found out, another hospital i could have delivered at, actually has a mental health nurse who visit new mothers, to debrief them, get them any support services they need etc.

    i never thought i would need any of that, i was all ready for a home water birth! things can change so mfast!

    I accept what happened to me was a rare occurence, really freaky. When i hear someone else is pregnant, i feel happy for them, and don't expect that they will have a freak delivery like me. I wouldn't bore them with my experience as i realise it was rare, and highly unlikely to happen to them as well.

    i enjoyed being pregnant, would love another bub (but that isn't going to happen) and feel all happy when i meet other people who are newly pregnant. I like to concentrate on the positives of them being pregnant.

    when they get the aches and pains of pregnancy, i like to share things that helped me - e.g the full body pillow - but only if i think it might be relevant to what they're going thru at the time.

    After taking five years to conceive, i was so elated to be pregnant.
    Lots of people told me horror stories too, i hated that.

    there is a forum called JOYOUS BIRTH - i think you will get positive support there.


    i started going to monthly Homebirth meetings in my city, that was very positive (the downside was though, i was totally unprepared for what happened, when my homebrith turned into an emergency c-sction.)

    I would say enjoy your pregnancy

    Nurture the little one inside you

    You are a mum NOW, even before baby is born

    it's precious, that every day, that baby is growing and developing, so special.

    Take the time to photograph your belly, and treasure the time you are pregnant.

    Find support and keep going to that place.

    all the best !

  13. #31
    ~Belinda~ Guest

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    Sorry to hear that Gigi

  14. #32
    Chippy Guest

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    My DPs Mum is the worst. While she is very excited and has told the world (even though we asked her not to!) she keeps telling us not to get excited and then proceeds to tell us about all her miscarriages and the baby she had who was born still. I've heard the story at least 20 times in the last 8 weeks.

    It does make sense though that the horror stories come from a place of trauma for the Mamas who tell them. There's such silence around the impact of pregnancy and birth loss and trauma. The culture needs to change.

  15. #33

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    Pregnancy is different for each person, no pregnancy is the same. Make the most of your time being pg and enjoy the wonders of this beautiful little life growing from within. People can give you their horror stories, but your story can very well be different and so much more better than you could have imagined. Unfortunately there are so many women that do have complications thru out pg, and possibly labour but you must know that each person is different, different circumstances etc. Ignore these stories that upset you and get ready for the most wonderful experience of your life. Becoming a mother. All the horrible stories women have told may stick in your mind, but unfortunately they always seem to forget telling you that once it was all over they had the most precious gift anyone could ask for. A tiny little person, that is apart of them. Once that baby is born, you will see what a truly special moment that is.

    You soon will have your own birth story to tell, and it will be wonderful....

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