For some reason I have always wanted two. Not sure why. I have a sister so there are two of us but we are not especially close as we have very few things in common so the desire for the second child can't be for companionship. Having the two boys is a wonderful thing for me, even though DH is starting to try and persuade me that number 3 would be good (and a girl LOL). I agree with Mumma2girls that watching the two together is so heartwarming, though with Adam only 4 months old we haven't got the fights yet.
If you and DH are happy with one, then stand firm with your decision and tell everyone that has any inappropriate comments to mind their own damn business as it doesn't affect them at all. Maybe ask them how they would feel if you asked them personal questions and gave advice when it wasn't wanted or needed. Hopefully that will shut them up.
Try not to listen to people who think they know it all, they are small minded and ignorant.
I have 1 child and am not likely to ever have another. When DS was born i couldn't wait to have anohter one. Then he got sick and had an op and as a result had severe reflux for 18 months, not fun. During DS op at 3 weeks old, DH and I looked at each other and said no more kids ever, its too hard and emotional. I have had many times where I would LOVE another 1 or 2, but in reality I have no interest in getting up during the night, changing millions of nappies and coping with tantys.
We have had endless negative comments, I was even told by a so called friend that i was cruel and how could i do that to my son. WTF! Needless to say I haven't spoken to her since. After a while of hearing these comments you grow a thick skin and learn not to listen.
I love having one. DS is starting childcare next month for 3 days a week while i go to Uni. If I had more than one child I wouldn't be able to afford childcare and would have to stay home longer. For me I need a balance between being a mother and being a person. The thought of staying at home with another bub panics me. I feel like Ive hd that whole baby experience and I dont feel the need to do it again.
There are so many positives to only children, more time for them, no sibling rivalry, own bedroom, i could go on and on.
Maybe down the track you will decide on another bub, but thats your business and no one elses. Try changing the subject as soon as someone gets negative about your choice.
I am preggers with my first and because of my age - 36 - I say to people that it'll most likely be the last. I've had a few funny looks but I couldnt care less. Thing is I'd like two, but I just cant see it being that easy at my age. I'm also at a delicate point in my career and I'm not sure how long I want to take off. But I am sooo close to my sister and brother and those relationships are the most important ones I have. That tempts me to give a sibling to the bub inside - but then, not all sibs are close and in fact none of my friends are as close with theirs as I am with mine. So, I guess I dont know.
I agree with the girls at the top of this thread - tell everyone to buggar off! None of their buisness!
We are only planning to have one for a variety of reasons, one of them being our ages. I will be 41 when I deliver.
Also, I have had a heartbreaking road getting here with 5 miscarriages over 2 years because of blood clotting issues (found out after my last loss) and am high risk. I don't think I have the strength to go through this again.
But really, DH and I only ever wanted one child, and not just b/c we met later in life in our early 30s.
When we announced our news to my FIL just before Xmas, he told DH that he hoped it was the first of many. My DH was like - are you crazy? Jules is going to be 41 when we have this baby. That's it for us. And FIL was going on and saying our baby needs siblings, yadda yadda.
Well, I HATED my brother growing up and still feel the same way, so I think that argument is not necessarily a good one - at least in my case. Also my FIL cannot stand any of his siblings so I don't know what he is going on about!
TM - I feel very strongly about our decision, but people are people and they like to share their opinions and many seem to think they know better than you what's appropriate in YOUR life. What matters most is what DH and I feel is right for our own family! Same goes for you. I wish people would keep those unsolicited opinions to themselves.
If you are fine with just one, that is your choice. You also have the right to change you mind someday if that's what is right for your family!
I can see why you'd want to have one.... even if I couldn't, who cares? It's your decision. I don't think you're selfish - you're making a choice.
My original choice was to have no children at all. My DH and I were married for years when I suddenly convinced him that we would be missing out on something if we didn't have any children. We weren't even trying, but if we ended up with one - great!! (Clock was ticking, you see).
I love DS more than I could even imagine and my attitude to children has changed dramatically. I am no where near as blaze. We are having a second so that DS has a brother or sister and so that we can have one more child to love as much as we DS - that's it. No more children after this. That is why I changed my mind - it's dramatic. NO CHILDREN to two. I guess I got addicted after the first.
That is my decision and as legitimate as your decision. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it - they'll all be dead and gone and you'll be happy that you stuck to your guns.
Before I had DD I really didn't think about "how many" because I was 38 and thought I'd be lucky to have one!
As soon as I had her, I wanted another one though. I've always been someone who's been scared of death but when I had DD I just felt this great sense of peace - that it didn't really matter if I died now because I'd done my job. Bit hard to explain.
As she got a bit older I guess I want another one for very selfish reasons - not to give her a brother or sister - but to give me another child. I guess I worry that if something ever happened to DD, I wouldn't cope at all.
I don't really have an opinion on age gaps, sibling dynamics etc. etc. I just want another one FOR ME.
If I'd started earlier, I could see me having about four. I just think they're fascinating.
We're still undecided as to whether we'll have another and whilst I was pregnant and the first few months of DS' life it was a definite no... for no particular reason other than we were happy with him and didn't feel the need to have another.
We've gotten the same comments you have and I've learnt to brush them off and not worry about them... so now I say yes, he's our only child and we're happy for it to stay that way for now, but who knows what will happen down the track, this seems squash their comments.
I have many reasons why I'm happy to stick to just the one, and not so many for wanting another. At the moment we have the next 5 years of our life planned pretty well and a new baby doesn't really fit into them, however if it were to happen i certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Some may call me selfish but that doesn't bother me.
Anyway, that's just my ramblings on the subject, I say do what YOU want to do, it's your life and ultimately affects you and not those silly people with those silly comments!
Well DH and I are planning on having 4kids and many people think I'm crazy for wanting that, on an emotional level I don't get why anyone would only want 1 child or only 2 but thats only because i so want a big family.
I think its like how u know when u want to have kids if you have to give logic reasons you could but YOU JUST KNOW I think it's the same with how many kids you want to have...you just want that because you want that iykwim
Don't worry what others say like you said you may change you mind...I might to but maybe not also. I think anyone who wants anything other than 2 or 3 kids these days is questioned as to why
Wow 3 or 4!! Good on you!! We are financially gonna be struggling with just one, let alone more, especially if next yr we want to try saving for our 1st home! Im just very lucky to have a lot of friends whose kids have just outgrown nursery items and haven't spent a cent (and the rate my mother is buying nappies 'cause they're on sale', I won't need to spend anything for a yr!)
We are also likely to be a one child household! My bubba is due at the same time as yours, have you found your belly thread yet? I'll come back and update this post with the link here.
Hi there. We have one son and we are happy with just that. Honestly you can't win with some people no matter what option you choose so you have to do what feels right for you. I have great memories of my childhood and I have bad ones too. Some kids really suffer because of their siblings and some are really close. You can't guarantee either way. Only children tend to get more one on one time with their parents which can be really beneficial for their development. But of course that is up to their parents to provide as well as playtime with other kids.
As for being spoilt people are often mistaken as to what spoilt is. Kids don't get spoilt from having their parents attention and love. They get spoilt from not being taught boundaries and compassion. It really has little to do with whether you have siblings or not. In fact I think sometimes it can be easier for only children as they don't always have to compete and feel threatened about things being taken away. I have real eating issues because it was always 'eat now of forever hold your peace' when you have two older brothers. LOL
Anyway not sure if the rant made sense but that is my point of view. Hope it helps
Yeah - noone's business but yours! How you feel is how you feel- and how you feel may also change- and that doesn't give people the right to say 'I told you so'....
DH and I both come from families of 4 siblings- are have close relationships with our brothers and sisters. I have always loved the busy-ness and action around our dinner tables at Christmas, Birthdays etc, and thought I would have at least 3 kids. However, after I went through labour (in the early sleepless days) I could not believe how our parents had done it 4 times!!! I thought they were absolute crazy martyrs!! I couldn't conceive of having more at that stage.
However, then about 4 months on- I developed that 'pregnancy amnesia' that everyone tells you about. When DS1 reached 6 months I was well and truly thinking about when we would start TTC again- lol.
Now I am back to wanting at least 3 again- but you know what? My answer when anyone asks me "how many kids do you want?" or "how many kids will you have?" is always the same...."I don't know". Because really, who really knows? I could be hit by a car next week and become a paralysed from the neck down in which case I'll only have 1. I know that sounds a little morbid but its reality. I am always weary of trying to 'construct' our future too much and getting set on a particular number or thing to make you happy or complete. Truthfully, we would feel complete and happy with 1 child, and we would feel complete and happy with 7. What will happen over the next 10 years is unknown to us but written in the stars!!!
You are free to only desire 1 child- and people have no right to judge you. You are also free to change your mind later on and want 5.
I recommend telling people that you are not a fortune teller and cannot predict the future. Just enjoy your precious bub to be, and all will be revealed to you with time.
I currently have one child. In a way I want another child because my little princess isn't natrually mine and as much as I love her as much or more than I would love a natural child I would still love to have a child of my own (If it ever happens, far from an option at this stage but who knows what the future holds) and my little princess would love a sibling.
Who cares what other peoples opinions are???? It's your life and if you only want one child then go for it give that child the best you can. As I said (and a lot of other people have said) who knows what the future will hold for you and your family. Go with your heart.
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