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Thread: Am I totally mad?

  1. #1
    Fire Fly Guest

    Question Am I totally mad?

    I cant believe im actually asking myself this but ever since #2 DS was over the newborn stage ive been considering makeing number #3.

    So am i totally mad?????
    Im 35 which freaks me out cause i said that was my cut off age.
    Theres one income coming in and things are tight, which another baby may or may not make any difference.
    My husband says 2 is enough but im sure i can work around him.
    But the biggest prob is im still BF DS and im not about to wean him for the sake of trying again so that means i might be close to 36 when he does wean. Im so scared of the complications that come with being pg and being older, not saying that 35/6 is old but thats when they say complications start.
    Im also extremely fertile so falling wont be a prob so once the descision is made i cant go back kwim.
    Oh the other problem is DD is adamant she doesnt want another brother or sister, she is only 3 1/2 but her oppion matters to me.

    I just dont feel as though our family is complete if that doesnt sound to weird. DH is booked in to see the ball Dr next Wednesday and im tossing up wether to cancel it.

    Put my mind at ease please, tell me what i should do.

    Last edited by Fire Fly; August 24th, 2006 at 09:56 AM.

  2. #2

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    Firefly, I think you should postpone your DH's appointment until you've given it some more thought. It sounds like you're not ready to finish your family and you don't want to do anything you'll regret. A couple of things to consider - I fell pg with no 2 while bfing DS, so you won't necessarily have to stop bfing to conceive. At some point your fertility will most likely come back, especially as your son increases his solids intake (and especially if he sleeps through the night without a feed). Also I was 35 having no 1 and will be (just) 37 having no 2. I too was worried about having kids this late but have had no complications. My personal limit now is 38 so I won't be having more, but I'm very glad I've gone back for seconds (although remind me I said this once I have a newborn again!!).

    Best of luck with your decision.
    Melanie

  3. #3
    Fire Fly Guest

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    Melanie, did you know when your fertility came back so to speak without actually falling pg?. Im sure theres the sign like mucus etc which ive never really had to follow but may have to now. DS is on solids but doesnt miss feeds except for a nights sometimes, no complaints there.
    I actually asked DH last night and he didnt seem to be to negative, he just wants to know that im sure so that was positive. I think he would get his head around it because he was the same before DS came. He is just such a worrier as far as the family go.

    Lol, ill be sure to remind you how special it is to have another family member to cherish when you have a newborn, they grow so quick youll look back like me and want more.
    Thanks for your reply.

  4. #4

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    Firefly,
    if you wnat one & Dh wants one & your DD can cope with 1 more then I say cancel ball doctor & get back to bed!!!!!!

    LOL

  5. #5

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    Firefly, the biggest clue for me was the return of AF when DS was 7 months. But it was very irregular so I wasn't sure if I could conceive or not. Apparently I could - 3 AFs later I was pg! But I do know that lots of people have conceived before AF returned, so probably CM would be a good clue. Otherwise just do lots of BD just in case!!

    What great news about DHs support!

  6. #6
    Fire Fly Guest

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    Lol tracey, if only it was that easy. Its a huge decision to bring another child into this world. I have to make sure id be mentally capable of looking after 3 of them.

    Melanie, i was wondering about CM as ive noticed a bit of a change, i thought AF was returning because a few signs were there, (heavy feeling, headache, dull ache down there) but nothing has eventuated from it. I wasnt sure if it was possible to conceive before AF came but obvioulsly you can.

    I know you have to bed to fall but im in no hurry for that atm. Lol, 2 kids take it out of me so when they are snug in bed thats my day over and i have my body back for a bit. Youll understand this soon melanie. Its all worth it though. Not sure DH thinks that, poor thing.

    Thanks again. I love hearing different opions

  7. #7

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    Hi Firefly!

    Good luck with your decision...

    With re: to fertility all I can tell you is that I'm p/g with no.2 and never even had af. The only sign I can think of with my fertility coming back was a bit of cramping like af was going to arrive.
    I went off the mini pill when Louis was almost 9m and have basically fallen straight away. Louis was on 3 feeds at that point and I've dropped him down to 2 because he got a bit fussy and my milk supply dropped when I fell p/g (only realised in hindsight!)
    We only b'ded about 2-3x for the month and obviously had no idea where we were at with my cycles so I figure this baby is just meant to be!!!

    I think you should go for it but obviously you have to feel 100% making your decision. Us mothers always find ways to cope no matter whats thrown at us so I'm sure you would make an excellent mummy to 3!!

    Good Luck!

  8. #8
    mooshie Guest

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    firefly

    i had my first child at 29 and second at 31, i always wanted 3 and ideally before i turned 35, however my first child died when she was 3yrs old. we started trying for another child when i was around 34 however i didn't fall pregnant until 2mths after my 35th birthday.

    during my 3rd pregnancy that was it, i said no more after this HOWEVER as soon as dd was born i was ready to go back for more lol. dh was quite adamant at the time that no that was it, but after speaking to alot of other people who decided to stop but not really wanting to - they told me their regrets and i so don't want that. my dh decided last year yes okay he is keen for another - we have been ttc for 13mths now and i am 37yrs old (will be 38 in october this year) and i tell you i hate it that everything i read about declining fertility and problems etc really gets to me and somedays i think no i don't want to take any chances - i don't want anymore heartache in my life. but then i read the success stories of people having children in their late 30's and it gives me hope.

    having said that i am seriously considering that if i don't fall by my 38th birthday then we will have a chat and think about finishing our family as is.

    i say give it a go and good luck

    btw your son has a cool name

  9. #9
    Fire Fly Guest

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    Mooshie, i think deep down we will start to try again. I just have to make sure that we are both comfortable with the idea. Im concerned about the kids no being ok with it but i remember being the same when we decided to have DS. Lol, yes he does have a cool name, thanks.
    DD concerns me heaps about the subject because she is adamant that she doesnt want a baby sister or brother. I dont know if at that age she understands but i dont want her to feel pushed out iykwim. She was so down when DS came and i dont think i could handle that again. I hate her being sad.

    Can i just say though, ive read your story re your beautiful daughter Jessica and i am so so sorry for your loss. I could not imagine going through what you have. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I hope i havent upset you by saying this but i only just read it the other day and it really hit home how precious our kids are. Sorry if i upset you, that wasnt my intention.

    Thankyou for your reply.

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