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Thread: bad birth partner experience haunting me

  1. #1

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    Default bad birth partner experience haunting me

    Hi

    Not sure if this is the right place, but i couldn't find a category that seemed to fit.

    I was birth partner for my sister in law where her baby was born with the cord around her neck, not breathing and ended up on life support for a week.

    Life support was turned off, but the baby had other ideas, and is now a gorgeous 1.5 year old who is crawling and doing great.

    I have now realised that her birth has really affected me, and i am now ***** scared of getting pregnant bc i am so scared of giving birth.

    the silence when the bub was born was deafening and horrible and something no one should have to hear.

    i was up the head end with the mum, and i was reassuring her whilst i could see that bub was not doing good and they were doing cpr. mum wasn't aware of everything that was happening.

    i don't know what my options are cos i would really like to have my own baby, but that experience is almost haunting me, and stopping me from moving on.



    i was so looking forward to being at the birth, and it was not the experience that any of us expected.


    k

  2. #2

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    Oh that is sad- and sometimes these things happen, luckily your neice is now doing well. Maybe you could look at it as inspiring, as the Dr's were able to save her life and it is a miracle. Many people have had a negative birth experience- I have had 1, however for me it is all worth it as now I have a beautiful daughter, and I am so glad I did it, nothing beats seeing your baby for the first time and falling in love. It is like nothing else you will ever feel, amazing really.

  3. #3

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    I'd strongly recommend some birth de-briefing with someone experienced in this - I can highly recommend Rhea Dempsey who sees clients in East Melbourne at the Fertile Ground building (you can google for the site). She will help you work through it and come out strong for this birth, she has been working in this industry for nearly 30 years and is a great counsellor/de-briefer when it comes to birth. I dont think there is anything anyone can say to help you - you're really going to need help with a professional to sort through those feelings and experiences. I too have been in the position of comforting mothers while the baby was flat or not responsive for some time, code blues and a client who lost her uterus. Its hard no matter how much you see it, and I always debrief afterwards... it's a must...
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  4. #4

    Join Date
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    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  5. #5

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    Thanks to both of you.

    Unfortunately, the doctors and hospital where the birth took place were negligent and responsible for the damage that occurred. The bub was medi-vacced to another hospital, and it is the second hospital that i am most grateful to.

    I have thought for awhile that i should talk to someone but didn't know where to find someone. I felt a bit silly bc i wasn't the birth mum. Thanks for the contact, i will be in touch.

    k

  6. #6

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    Don't feel silly Kate! You may not be the mother but you are the Aunt and have an emotional attachment as well as having to deal with the shock of what you witnessed

  7. #7

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    I was going to suggest counselling too. Don't feel silly. It is really important that you discuss your feelings, particularly if you're going to have a baby yourself.
    I'm so sorry that you and your SIL experienced something so terribly frightening. I'm glad your SILs little one is doing well, and I wish you all the best as you work through it.

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