I think that asking gender is one of those questions that people immediately jump to because it's an easy one to ask and let's them be involved without too much depth or prying. I personally think it's ok to ask, and perfectly ok to say you dont know and are waiting until they are born

The only thing I slightly disagree with you on is the notion that personality and role is determined by gender. I am not sure how knowing the gender of your baby influences that child's personality or role? That depends on the child themselves and how they are raised I reckon.

Finding out the gender of our girls never influenced our clothing choices or nursery colour...currently my little one is in a blue room with dragonfly wallpaper and it was not influenced by the fact that she is a girl...it just looks awesome lol