Buy yourself, or wait for gifts?

[Megan]

We have bought most things ourselves and keep getting in trouble from MIL because she tells us we will get gifts. I don't expect people to buy us anything and am also not having a baby shower as it's not something I am comfortable with - people feel expected to give gifts at these things. I am being pressured to have one at the moment but really don't want one at all.

If people were going to buy gifts they will more than likely get the baby something when he's here and if I'm sitting back expecting something and don't get it then in the early weeks of bubs life we have to go shopping to get more bits and pieces (I would like to avoid this as much as possible). We will certainly appreciate anything that might be bought for us/bub, but it's our responsibility to make sure we have everything we will need. MIL told us off for buying almost everything and she continues to buy us J&J baby powder, shampoo etc when I have clearly told her I wont be using it (like you BG, going with more organic/natural products). Her response is every baby should smell like J&J baby powder! I also think what you buy for your baby is a very personal choice and if something is bought for us I feel obligated to use it.

[Pandora]

oooh im intrigued now, what sort of baby bath is it?

[briggsy's girl]

umm, babys' should smell like babies - not baby powder! if MIL is so enamoured by JJ baby powder, tell her to use it herself!!

we'll be using stuff like Gaia, Moogoo etc, not supermarket mass produced chemical based stuff! and i wouldn't ask anyone to pay for it. mum has said she may do up a gift pack with a few of these and some essentials (cotton buds/balls etc) but she is at least respecting our desire to not use the chemical stuff. she also gets (at last) why we want to use MCN's and that a lot of creams will damage the nappies so are not good at all...

rayray - it's just one of the FP ones with the sling thing in it - i can remember at the moment cos it was on special in target the other day - but in a months time when i'm looking at pricing stuff online again - i'll have no hope!

[hj1981]

BG - we brought all the big stuff such as cot, change table, pram etc and personal stuff like breast pump, breast pads, bottles and bottle steriliser etc... so we had the brand that we wanted. Than waited to see what we got from baby shower - which we had about a mth and a half before due date. We did ask for ppl not to buy us anything - but of course no one listens!
We were given HEAPS of clothes, wraps and washes and powders, cot sheets, towels, a baby bath which i asked my brother to get for us, pram toys and books.
In the end we had so much stuff that we didnt have to buy anything else.
And to this day we really havent brought anything thing for her, we have been brought clothes up to size 1!!!!!!

[puppies]

Yep its a tough one. Also you have a set idea in place. Like we were told everyone will buy your the bath products etc at your baby shower so don't worry. But I did buy stuff before hand cause I wanted a certain brand, a quality product you know what I mean. And I am glad I did cause although we got some nice stuff a lot of it was from the $2 shop and made in China or some other place that just didn't seem right. So I ended up chucking a lot out. I wasn't going to put a cheapy dummy in my childs mouth you just dont have the same careful quality control as say Tomme Tippe etc.

[fionas]

I'm pretty hardnosed with spending cash and there was only a few things that I regarded as essential before DD arrived and they were: cradle, cradle bedding, clothes, nappies, baby shampoo and baby soap. That was it. Not even a pram cos I was lucky enough to be able to borrow from a friend and then work out what was important to me when buying a pram. I figured we'd work the rest out later and DP (who has an older daughter) kept lecturing me that it was all a capitalist conspiracy which I kind agree with him about.

So yeah, I reckon buy stuff that YOU consider to be essential or just stuff that you want, which really makes it an essential LOL and anything you get as gifts are a bonus.

BTW, I've seen that Brauers have a mini sample pack of all their homeopathic remedies for nappy rash, teething, colic etc. - I reckon that would be a good thing to have on the wish list. And things for a BFing mum like Lanisol (sp?) or pawpaw cream for poorly nipples.

[~Kaz~]

as i mentioned in the other thread, to me a baby shower is more about having a chance to relax and enjoy the company of people who care about me and my kidlet than an exchange of gifts. traditionally, i believe a baby shower was supposed to be about sharing "wisdom" with the mother to be, and it evolved into the way it is now over time.... it's about having one last chance to catch up with people before life takes over with a new bub - it's going to be near impossible for me to catch up with people from further afield when baby arrives - so the plan is for me to travel to them before baby arrives and to celebrate early.

Now that you mention it I am inadvertently doing the same thing with the travel!! Thanks for mentioning it because when I looked at who I would invite to a baby shower just now, I will actually be seeing (or have the opportunity to see), about 90% of them between now and the end of Jan. I am travelling to two capitol cities for various reasons, and another town to see a friend, I work with a few others etc etc....there is only a couple that I would miss and with a bit of organisation I could even catch up with them too! (I do a LOT of travelling around LOL).

I think I've just decided NOT to have a baby shower! Whoohoo! I think I'd rather see everyone seperately beforehand and then, if they want to travel to meet Dot, which I think most will, it will only be one trip for them, not two. And if they stagger their arrival, we can offer them accommodation at the house rather than having everyone travel on the same weekend and only being able to accommodate a couple of them.

[mbear]

Ive always bought first rather than waiting for relos, friends.....i have a particular taste too.......thats why ive always done my list and bought from that. , i dont expect others to buy something for baby anyway.
Having my 4th child now, but when pregnant with DD#1 i couldnt see the point in having a baby shower either - 'come to my house, bring presents'. I felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing.....and i knew these people i would be inviting would be wanting to see my baby too....not just me !!! I had a get together (not a 'baby shower') 10 days after she was born. Yeah sure, people brought gifts, i dont think you can get around that, but i felt proud and not so guilty...coz i had a cute little bundle to show off at the same time.
We did not find out sex of this baby on friday. My mum said 'oh if its a boy you will get plenty of blue things anyway from people, dont buy anything......'........ i would never, and am not going to rely on other people to provide my child clothes. Anyway i am sure i will get gifts......and sure its a bonus and i am forever grateful...but for us, thats our responsibility.......

[~Kaz~]

A get together after the birth is a GREAT idea mbear! Can I blame baby-brain for not thinking of it myself earlier! LOL! That's what I'll do I think - a post-baby shower. Ta.

[briggsy's girl]

we have thought about a get together after bub is born - but have decided to get the Gremlin baptised early (will be about two months old) and we can have everyone together then - for anyone else, it will be a case of visiting if and when they want... DH will prolly have a few drinks with my bro and a few of his friends while i'm still in hossy, but apart from that, i don't think i could do a full on gathering really early. i'm a rather anxious person (which i think is why i don't want to, and WON'T rely on others to give us essentials) - and i think it would take a fair while before i'd be comfy being "bombarded" with people!

[blueiris]

I find i'm buying things as i see them on special too. I've been told by friends & family not to get too much as people will get us things for the baby shower & when bubs is born. I like the idea of getting together with everyone one last time before bubs is born too.

I don't really like the idea of expecting things to be brought for us. We are getting the big items. Having said that a friend did give us her cradle & we're buying her cot & portacot too. Same friend has given us sheet sets to both cradle & cot too.

I'm just buying the essentials as in singlets(with snap crotch), some bottles just in case BF is an issue, nappies, wipes, nappy rash cream etc. I'm not going to buy toys at this stage.

BG ~ I love the idea of the GR books too. I want to start up a collection of them for bubs too.

[~Kaz~]

i think it would take a fair while before i'd be comfy being "bombarded" with people!

Yeah I think you might be right. I might mention it now to mates as an idea and then organise it when and how it suits me once I know what life with a newborn is like! DP is able to take the first month or so off work so he would be around to help out if we did it fairly quickly.

On the GB idea, I have been collecting Mr. Men books! I know they're not the same but I absolutely love 'em!

[briggsy's girl]

we have a huge collection of disney and dr seuss books, thomas, pooh bear etc - so the GB were the only ones i hadn't thought of (well duh! i had them as a kid - thought mum had kept them all - found my books yesterday - not a single GB in there!), will definitely have to start on the Mr Men books - they're great fun!

i'm a little worried even about hte date we've picked for baptism, but i figure younger is better (well, the younger of my bro's kids was a much pleasanter experience as godparent!) - and a lot of my extended family will be travelling for mum's 50th the next day, so i'm trying to be as "pleasant" to deal with as possible. oh yeah, and i can't have august cos it's the last few weeks of footy season, september is out (finals!) and after that well, DH will be away a lot more cos it's his busiest time at work... anything within a month of mum's birthday just feels like asking too much of people travel wise...

[Mother Goose]

BG - whatever you decide, someone will critise so do what is right for you and DH and forget everyone else. You've waited a long time for this baby and it is YOUR baby so you have every right to purchase what you like when you like.
We bought everything ourselves and when people gifted us things, it was considered a bonus. It was lucky that we bought the things we did because we have different tastes to most people and NOONE bought anything we had already purchased. Plus we couldn't rely on family to buy us big ticket or bulky items as they all live interstate (SUCH a blessing!). IF people are being insistent on providing you with gifts, perhaps suggest they make some dinners for you to put in the freezer (I know you will already have a fully stocked one with your slow cooker but it makes people feel special ) or to give you vouchers for house cleaning or something. Or perhaps even pop on the list at your Mum's a nappy service and suggest to your Mum that if people want to contribute they can chip in whatever they feel comfortable with and your Mum can pass that info on.

I hope I make sense. But above all - do what suits you guys best!

MG

ETA: We had DD christened at 3 months (roughly) and it was brilliant. If we have #2, they will also be Christened early in life

[Doing my best]

When we were having DD, DH and I believed it was our responsibility too, and I was getting in trouble from my work colleagues (of all people). We are very independent and stand on our own feet, and it was hard to step back and allow other who 'wanted' to buy for us, get stuff.

We bought the necessay big ticket items, such as car seat, cot, pram, nappy bag and change table.. We also figured that if people were wanting to buy big ticket items, they would check with us 1st., which they did.

If people were going to buy things, I wanted them to be able to get the fun stuff, toys and clothes (we had enough handme down, and never worn girl clothes that she didn't have to wear the same outift twice ). But we could never have had too many of the items that people generally give as gifts.

After my baby shower, we then re-ealuated what was still 'needed' vs wanted and went shopping, but there wasn't much left..

It is hard though to draw that line, especially if you are used to being independent.

[briggsy's girl]

MG - i think i have pretty drastically different taste to a lot of my friends (well the local "older" ones anyway!) - i believe in babies being babies and being dressed as babies - but i also love the occassional show of mummy's personality (so things like the T that says red heads rock and the likes). i tend to, even when i'm taking bro's kids out, dress them for the occassion - so if we're visiting someone of the older generation, it's more about respecting them, when it's just shopping or out for fun, they can wear what they want. i hate seeing babies in outfits that i'd cringe at on an older child (like 13 year olds wearing clothes that are risque even for an 18 year old!)

we have made some decisions that a lot of people won't understand - we want to use BPA free bottles if we have to use bottles - but you can't dictate to people stuff like that! so that is stuff i've put as a no no for others to buy. we're making choices in our babies best interest, and i don't expect others to cater to that

as to the vouchers and stuff - once house is set up, we're getting a house cleaner once a week, pay someone to mow lawns once a fortnight, using cloth so no nappy service - and no room in the freezer for meals! i have had a few people offer to help me fill the freezer before bubs is born (just vegie prep) and will help again after baby arrives. three slow cookers, 24 hours, 2 freezers full of meals! they are fantastic and inexpensive options to help out though! if i knew someone that was having a bubba now (that lived local) i'd be using the slow cooker and making them some meals for sure (plus buying something for bubba!)

[briggsy's girl]

Heather i think that is part of the problem - we're all so independent! but that's a good thing - i wish people would stop seeing it as a fault!

[Mother Goose]

BG - I forgot to mention earlier that you can NEVER have too many sheet sets We learnt that the hard way when DD had gastro in the middle of winter and we don't have a clothes drier

Also - you can get cloth nappy service. They bring you a certain number of cloth nappies once a week and take away the dirty ones to wash. Saves you time, water, and money. We have purchased them as farewell gifts many a time at my old work.

HTH

MG