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Thread: Comments now hurting me

  1. #1

    Unhappy Comments now hurting me

    As you all may know (or if u dont u will soon) i am PG with #2. DD is only 12 weeks old now.....found out when she was 11 weeks. Since then DH and i have been over the moon and so excited. We told family and a few friends (oh and the whole of my BB family ) and then the comments started:

    * Gee you dont muck around
    * Chelsea is still a baby
    * Wont be much of an age gap
    * Wow you dont waste time do you

    At first i didnt mind... i thought people were just mucking round.... but now all these comments are emotionally eatting me up. I shouldnt let it bother me. This was our choice, our life and our business...no one elses.

    I wish i hadnt told any one... i was after support....not to be critisised (sp?).


  2. #2

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    Oh Kim, I am sure no-one means anything offensive by the comments, if people didn't realise that this was on the cards maybe they are a bit suprised and think of the first thing that pops into their head - usually something as you've mentioned. You are right, it is your choice, your life and your business and no one elses. Try not to get upset, do you think those early pregnancy hormones are making you a bit more emotional also? You will get heaps of support from me and i'm sure from all the lovely people on this forum, no critisism whatsoever. Cheer up, this is supposed to be a happy time.

  3. #3

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    i understand it must be hard for you guys unfortunatly people can be mean, you and DH have made the decision to have another bubs and thats your business and not theirs!! i hope apart from all the comments that your family and friends ARE happy for you and YOUR family. God you have kids close together and people comment, have them a few years apart and people are constantly asking when your having another, YOU CANT WIN!!! sorry hun you feel like this but sending you big hugs :hugs:

  4. #4

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    KIm - sweety huge huge hugs.

    I have actually withheld the information from ALOT of people about our third baby, as I was already getting too many judgmental comments and to be honest I could not handle any more, not to mention it was not their place or their business to comment!

    Ignore them babe, and just remember that you and your DH are ecstatic about the baby and that Chelsea will have a wonderful playmate!

  5. #5
    Taia's Mum Guest

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    Kim,

    Sounds like these people are showing their own opinions of what they would do, by commenting on your situation! Hopefully they are doing it without meaning to!
    Being 37 weeks I'm a bit snappy and would come back at them.... 'Wont be much of an age gap' - good thing it's not your baby then!
    Try not to let them worry you too much! As long as you and DH are happy then that's all that matters!

    xxoxo

  6. #6

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    I have a couple of friends that have had babies very close,
    One of them had 5 girls under the age of 5, and they are all like best friends now....
    Honestly you will never be able to please everybody,and as long as you are happy, That's all that matters!!!
    Take care Sweet,
    xox

  7. #7

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    Aaaww sweetie - its crappy isn't it? I have 7 between 10 yrs and 6 months old and I always get comments. Don't you have a TV? Don't you know what causes that yet? FFS! I am so lucky - I have 7 great kids - and they really are GREAT kids. They're all kind and good hearted little beings and I'm very blessed. Its noisy ( I never said they were quit, LOL) but life's pretty good. I don't care what people say - I particularly hate the "Gee you have your hands full" with that little smirk or snicker. No, I have my arms full and I love it. Don't let nosy, opiniated people take any of the joy away. Bugger 'em

  8. #8

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    I think I posted this somewhere else one time, and I read it in "Up the Duff", she writes about all those comments (and any with regards to breastfeeding or not, or co-sleeping or not, you get the idea):

    It's about them, not about you.

    People can judge you and say it won't be easy having two so close - when is having a newborn when you already have another child/ren easy? That's not the point, really, is it? I agree with the other ladies here, it will be great to have such close siblings. You and your DH are happy and Chelsea will be too! Hope you can manage to ignore them.

  9. #9

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    To be honest - I would say one of those comments, just because it's an unusually close age gap in our western society. And they are all correct, it's about me not you! People forget that they aren't the first person to make a comment (eg. like natalie --> gee your hands are full - gosh no has ever pointed that out to me before!)
    Just reply to every single comment - "Yep. And we are so happy about it" - that puts it right back on them.
    I'm sorry it's upsetting you, it could be hormones? you've still got ones from Chelsea's birth swimming around? Hang in there, lots of support at this site, and of course you can always vent in here and get it off your chest!
    I'm really happy for you btw - Congratulations!!

  10. #10

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    Kimbaz, come join us in Oct buddies we wont be judgmental!
    We've only told family & BB so far but i imagine when we tell friends etc we will get similar comments. The things is i think some people say it because they are jelous, some people say it because they just dont think about their comments, some people say it and honestly dont mean to be negative.
    please try not to be upset u need to be calm and happy for Chelsea and little bub baking!

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by nickers View Post
    Kimbaz, come join us in Oct buddies we wont be judgmental
    I wil come join October buddies as soon as i know an EDD!!! Im off to the doctors tmrw for a confirmation... and hopefully ill be able to get a dating scan.....


    Thanks everyone..... maybe it is all hormones.....but i know one thing.... this lil bub and Chelsea are the best thing thats ever happened to me.

  12. #12

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    Yep thats right Kim and thats all that matters isnt it!
    Good luck for tomorrow!

  13. #13

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    Kim, some people just seem to open their mouths without even thinking!! If they even bothered to think back not that long ago really, many families had kids very close together and a LOT more than most of us have these days. I say woohoo for you!! If we decide we are going to have another one it will be very close like yours (cos I'm gettin' old...lol). Take heart and try to ignore the ignoramous people who think they can say whatever it is they feel like with no thought to how it may affect you.

    You should get a t-shirt made with something like "I'VE HEARD THEM ALL - so keep MOVING" printed on the front...hehe. I get cranky with people pointing out that I'm obviously pregnant...so the other day I replied...nah I just ate way too much...well DAH I HAVE AN ENORMOUS BELLY (I have a pic attached to my name in signature)...of course I'm pregnant you moron...rofl...sorry...not trying to steal your post, felt good to say that just then.

    Big to you.

  14. #14

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    Hi Kim, IKEWYM, we copped all those comments and still 20weeks on are still copping them. But you know what, it is exactly what you have said, they are the best things that have happened to us. I can't wait to have the two grow up together, hopefully they will be there for one and other in their older years. And try to look at it this way, because they are so close you should be able to get away with the terrible 2's once, the teething once, and they could share most of there toys. I definately know it's hard to ignore them, but do try to babe, they aren't worth it. You have been blessed, and you know it, I know sometimes it hard but just try and ignore comments that get you down.
    Good luck at your appointment. Can't wait to find out how you go!!

  15. #15

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    Hi Kim,
    Firstly CONGRATULATIONS. I think it is wonderful!
    Secondly, does anyone apart from you and your DH have to look after the babies? NO. So buggar what everyone else says. When i fell pg with Zhai my 'friends' were worried coz i had PND with my DD, well i didnt get it with Zhai and i laughed in their faces. Now they are saying 'how are you going to cope with Zhai and a newborn?' (Zhai is very demanding) I say 'well i will have to wont i! If you can do it im sure i can!!' But then again i am one of the ppl who comment back. LOL.
    I know a lady who has 5 kids, her last 2 are only 9 months apart, and she said its hard but she wouldnt change anything (also she is a single mum), Im sure you will do great.

  16. #16

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    congrats Kim!! i think it's VERY exciting!! and i think it will be lovely for your kids to have siblings close in age... and the people who scoff at the idea are just jealous that you have enough energy to give to two young kids at once! it makes them feel inadequate (although that's all in their head, and nothing to do with you)... i'm PG with #1, and would love to have the rest of my kids in close succession..
    i'm the first of all my friends to become PG (even though i'm really not THAT young), and i can see a few of them thinking "what have you done? your life is over" - but i'm SO excited about this next period of my life - at the end of the day i don't think there's anything more important than family!!

  17. #17

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    Hey Kim, i'm sure most of the comments aren't meant in a harmful way. My best friend in QLd has 3 under 3 and I'm forever telling her she's crazy! She knows i mean it in a caring and joking way and we laugh about it all the time. I think its a natural reaction for some people to go 'wow, thats close together' kinda thing but its not intentionally nasty.
    And congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

  18. #18

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    Kim,

    I agree it's about them not you. I saw a woman yesterday at the shops with what looked like a 5yo, a 3yo, a 10 month old (well similar in age to Charlie anyway) who was heavily pregnant, and all I could think of was how blessed she was. Had I had a chance to speak to her, I would have told her too.

    So ignore the negative comments. There's a saying 'if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything' and I think this is especially true of pg women!

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