We dont know whether sprout is a boy or a girl at this stage. we never found out with the girls, so we didnt with this one because it feels like a tradition.
Im finding that Im not really bonding with sprout like I did with the girls and its starting to worry me...
So tomorrow we have a 3d scan booked in and I am tempted to find out the gender, in the hope that it will help me bond more.
So my question is did finding out gender help you bond with your bubba??
I forgot to add, for those who had a surprise for one, and knew for another pregnancy, was there a kind of emotional difference at birth? (hope that makes sense)
I found I didn't really bond with DD2 whilst I was pregnant but only because I was so busy with DD1, finding out her gender helped a bit for DH as he was expecting a boy so it helped him to have that time to get his head around having 2 DDs (DS isnt his kwim)
I didnt find out with DS or DD1 and all three births where just as emotional as its still a surprise what they look like and your just blown away to finally "meet" them it wasn't even an issue for me
We have found out with all three of ours so I can only say YES it helped me bond with the girls before they were born (one still baking). It also helped me on ALL three occasions get over the "Its not a boy" thing as I have always wanted a baby boy.
We didn't have any 3d scans as I was worried about seeing roughly what the baby looked like. and not having any surprise if that makes sense??
Why don't you get the scanner to write on a piece of paper the sex of the baby and put it in an envelope.That way if you REALLY want to know you can take a look but if you're still undecided then you can choose to leave it until you have thought more about it.
I didn't find out with DD (not through lack of trying) and have done with this one - can't say what it's like after birth (soon!) but I do feel like I've bonded a bit better during pregnancy with this one - I often talk to him in terms of "my boy" or "little man" rather than just using Penguin as his nickname. Just feels a lot more personal saying "he" instead of "it" iykwim?
Mind you, that could also be a factor of his being a planned and very much wanted pregnancy whereas DD was a whoopsie and completely unexpected - even though I can't imagine life without her now, it wasn't so in the early days.
I had a lot of "headspace" issues and knew that if I found out Liebling was a girl, I would reject her. Whereas it would be harder for me to reject an actual baby. So I didn't find out and bonding with the bumpling went just fine.
Oddly enough, no bonding with the baby, even though Liebling is a boy.
I can't find out with any future babies as I'm not planning on having any scans, so it will have to be a surprise.
I've only ever found out so can't say how it might be different not to. I think I'd still bond if we left it as a surprise but we prefer to know what we're having. We start calling bubs by their name, this time we've been able to talk to Moo about his little brother, we talk about our future son in general terms to each other etc. But yeah I think it helps us to bond
If you decide to not find out at your 3D scan - tell the person before they start. I'm sure they'll ask you anyway but when we had our last one done, the first thing we saw was a big pair of boy parts even we could tell what we were looking at on that big TV! Thankfully we already knew!
I did not know for number one, a girl. The next time I found out, another girl, but could not relax the whole time thinking what if they got it wrong (it happened to quite a handful of my close friends) So I still never connected to her being a girl or felt that I could bond any better. The third time, I did not know, (another Girl) life was busier with the other two children and I had to really take the time to connect with her whilst pregnant and make more of an effort. Bonding is non stop, and happens for the rest of their lives, I would not say that ultrasounds and knowing the sex can help with that. I believe it is a consciousness and a doing in each and every moment.
Similar to TFB I consciously didn't want to know with DD. I found out by accident with DS quite late in the piece. I wouldn't say it helped any differently with the bonding other than him having a name. I was slightly disappointed at the birth that I didn't get the excitement of the "it's a....!" but it didn't make any difference to the bonding I don't think.
i found out with one and not with the other. i didn't find any difference in the bonding, i was actually very bonded with both of them once they were born.
i did like knowing the gender on a practical level though as i could prepare a bit better and we knew what his name definitely was.
I haven't found out with either this or my DDs pregnancy. I don't think it would have increased any 'bonding'. However, i find that most of my 'bonding' happens once bub is here anyway. The sex isn't the main identifying thing of the baby to me- their movements, their features, their behaviours are features that i find leads to greater 'bonding'- some of these i get some indication of during pregnancy but others only happen when bub is here and i can see and hold them.
Similarly, i can understand that partners may 'bond' less with the baby during pregnancy, and moreso when baby has birthed. I believe this is ok too.
Im not expecting bonding to happen just because I know what gender sprout is. But Im at the end of my rope in regards to bonding. (ok, so theres a bit more to the story.. Everything is going wrong this pregnancy, and Im just fed up. Yesterday I blurt out to DH that Im tired of being so stressed, of the anxiety attacks, of the lack of bonding, so much so that Im starting to wish I wasnt pregnant. Im missing out on my last pregnancy thanks to the stress of everything going on. And it went on.)
So tomorrow is the 3d scan, Im hoping that seeing sprouts little face is going to make it all the more real. maybe that will be enough, Im just trying to cover all my bases, I suppose.
I loved the surprise of the girls, not finding out until birth. But then I had bonded with them through pregnancy. I know that bonding happens over a lifetime, but right now, no bonding is not a good thing for me.
If it helps I didn't really bond with my third or forth bub. I just think life gets to hectic. As soon as that baby is on your chest all becomes right in the world!
In my experience Yes i felt i bonded more knowing 'who' my little ones were. We found out but didn't tell friends and family so it was a surprise for everyone else still.
With DS1 he was a surprise and while i have no feelings of not being able to bond with him i definately felt i bonded more knowing who DS2 & DD were. I really loved it.
At thier births knowing or not knowing didn't really come into it i was still in awe of my babies finally being in my arms.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself as being a mum of 2 and being pregnant is full on. You are loving and caring for your little one without even thinking about it (for the most part ) right now.
We found out the gender for DS - my intuition told me we were having a boy, and I wasn't surprised at all. I could never have left it till the birth to find out - too impatient! And I had always imagined having daughters (I come from a family of all girls), so it was good in the sense I could start imagining my future in a different way and get really excited about having a son. It did help me connect to DS, but really bonding with him took a while, even after he was born, like I couldn't relate to him as the person in my tummy for nine months, if that makes any sense? But I'm glad I found out and will find out with future pregnancies too.
You were RAK'ed in 2015.
Does knowing gender help you bond??
that's why I'm finding out again this time
even we could tell what we were looking at on that big TV! Thankfully we already knew!
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks