Does knowing gender help you bond??

[beansbeans!]

I have another question to ask...

We dont know whether sprout is a boy or a girl at this stage. we never found out with the girls, so we didnt with this one because it feels like a tradition.

Im finding that Im not really bonding with sprout like I did with the girls and its starting to worry me...

So tomorrow we have a 3d scan booked in and I am tempted to find out the gender, in the hope that it will help me bond more.

So my question is did finding out gender help you bond with your bubba??

[Ahurani]

For me it did that's why I'm finding out again this time

[beansbeans!]

Thanks Ahurani!

I forgot to add, for those who had a surprise for one, and knew for another pregnancy, was there a kind of emotional difference at birth? (hope that makes sense)

[Party-of-five]

I found I didn't really bond with DD2 whilst I was pregnant but only because I was so busy with DD1, finding out her gender helped a bit for DH as he was expecting a boy so it helped him to have that time to get his head around having 2 DDs (DS isnt his kwim)

[Party-of-five]

I didnt find out with DS or DD1 and all three births where just as emotional as its still a surprise what they look like and your just blown away to finally "meet" them it wasn't even an issue for me

[NaeNae]

We have found out with all three of ours so I can only say YES it helped me bond with the girls before they were born (one still baking). It also helped me on ALL three occasions get over the "Its not a boy" thing as I have always wanted a baby boy.

We didn't have any 3d scans as I was worried about seeing roughly what the baby looked like. and not having any surprise if that makes sense??

Why don't you get the scanner to write on a piece of paper the sex of the baby and put it in an envelope.That way if you REALLY want to know you can take a look but if you're still undecided then you can choose to leave it until you have thought more about it.

Nae x

[Cranky Kitten]

I didn't find out with DD (not through lack of trying) and have done with this one - can't say what it's like after birth (soon!) but I do feel like I've bonded a bit better during pregnancy with this one - I often talk to him in terms of "my boy" or "little man" rather than just using Penguin as his nickname. Just feels a lot more personal saying "he" instead of "it" iykwim?

Mind you, that could also be a factor of his being a planned and very much wanted pregnancy whereas DD was a whoopsie and completely unexpected - even though I can't imagine life without her now, it wasn't so in the early days.

[willow5]

I've had 3 bubbas didn't find out with any of them and didn't have any trouble bonding

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I had a lot of "headspace" issues and knew that if I found out Liebling was a girl, I would reject her. Whereas it would be harder for me to reject an actual baby. So I didn't find out and bonding with the bumpling went just fine.

Oddly enough, no bonding with the baby, even though Liebling is a boy.

I can't find out with any future babies as I'm not planning on having any scans, so it will have to be a surprise.

[~Hestia~]

I've only ever found out so can't say how it might be different not to. I think I'd still bond if we left it as a surprise but we prefer to know what we're having. We start calling bubs by their name, this time we've been able to talk to Moo about his little brother, we talk about our future son in general terms to each other etc. But yeah I think it helps us to bond

If you decide to not find out at your 3D scan - tell the person before they start. I'm sure they'll ask you anyway but when we had our last one done, the first thing we saw was a big pair of boy parts even we could tell what we were looking at on that big TV! Thankfully we already knew!

[ladybirdflies]

I did not know for number one, a girl. The next time I found out, another girl, but could not relax the whole time thinking what if they got it wrong (it happened to quite a handful of my close friends) So I still never connected to her being a girl or felt that I could bond any better. The third time, I did not know, (another Girl) life was busier with the other two children and I had to really take the time to connect with her whilst pregnant and make more of an effort. Bonding is non stop, and happens for the rest of their lives, I would not say that ultrasounds and knowing the sex can help with that. I believe it is a consciousness and a doing in each and every moment.

[~Kim~]

Similar to TFB I consciously didn't want to know with DD. I found out by accident with DS quite late in the piece. I wouldn't say it helped any differently with the bonding other than him having a name. I was slightly disappointed at the birth that I didn't get the excitement of the "it's a....!" but it didn't make any difference to the bonding I don't think.

[Ginger]

i found out with one and not with the other. i didn't find any difference in the bonding, i was actually very bonded with both of them once they were born.
i did like knowing the gender on a practical level though as i could prepare a bit better and we knew what his name definitely was.

[HotI]

I haven't found out with either this or my DDs pregnancy. I don't think it would have increased any 'bonding'. However, i find that most of my 'bonding' happens once bub is here anyway. The sex isn't the main identifying thing of the baby to me- their movements, their features, their behaviours are features that i find leads to greater 'bonding'- some of these i get some indication of during pregnancy but others only happen when bub is here and i can see and hold them.

Similarly, i can understand that partners may 'bond' less with the baby during pregnancy, and moreso when baby has birthed. I believe this is ok too.

[beansbeans!]

Thanks Ladies!

Im not expecting bonding to happen just because I know what gender sprout is. But Im at the end of my rope in regards to bonding. (ok, so theres a bit more to the story.. Everything is going wrong this pregnancy, and Im just fed up. Yesterday I blurt out to DH that Im tired of being so stressed, of the anxiety attacks, of the lack of bonding, so much so that Im starting to wish I wasnt pregnant. Im missing out on my last pregnancy thanks to the stress of everything going on. And it went on.)

So tomorrow is the 3d scan, Im hoping that seeing sprouts little face is going to make it all the more real. maybe that will be enough, Im just trying to cover all my bases, I suppose.

I loved the surprise of the girls, not finding out until birth. But then I had bonded with them through pregnancy. I know that bonding happens over a lifetime, but right now, no bonding is not a good thing for me.

[~Hestia~]

Maybe mention at your scan that you're undecided with finding out the gender? Then see how you feel after you see his/her little face etc. Good luck!

[Kazzo]

Maybe mention at your scan that you're undecided with finding out the gender? Then see how you feel after you see his/her little face etc. Good luck!

This is what I would do, give your self steps and then follow them one by one, if after seeing the baby and you are still not sure. Ask them to write it down. That way you have a photo to look at a bit more and maybe by yourself when you can think more. Then if you still want to know you have it written down.
Just make sure if you do get in written down, put it on thick paper and fold it a few times so you can't see by holding it up to the light

Good luck tomorrow and don't put to much pressure on yourself to bond or you might stop it from naturally happening.

[beansbeans!]

thanks ladies, I might jsut do that. Worst part is that DH is so relaxed about it all that he doesnt mind if we find out or not. Which doesnt help the decision at all!