Does knowing gender help you bond??

[HotI]

I haven't found out with either this or my DDs pregnancy. I don't think it would have increased any 'bonding'. However, i find that most of my 'bonding' happens once bub is here anyway. The sex isn't the main identifying thing of the baby to me- their movements, their features, their behaviours are features that i find leads to greater 'bonding'- some of these i get some indication of during pregnancy but others only happen when bub is here and i can see and hold them.

Similarly, i can understand that partners may 'bond' less with the baby during pregnancy, and moreso when baby has birthed. I believe this is ok too.

[beansbeans!]

Thanks Ladies!

Im not expecting bonding to happen just because I know what gender sprout is. But Im at the end of my rope in regards to bonding. (ok, so theres a bit more to the story.. Everything is going wrong this pregnancy, and Im just fed up. Yesterday I blurt out to DH that Im tired of being so stressed, of the anxiety attacks, of the lack of bonding, so much so that Im starting to wish I wasnt pregnant. Im missing out on my last pregnancy thanks to the stress of everything going on. And it went on.)

So tomorrow is the 3d scan, Im hoping that seeing sprouts little face is going to make it all the more real. maybe that will be enough, Im just trying to cover all my bases, I suppose.

I loved the surprise of the girls, not finding out until birth. But then I had bonded with them through pregnancy. I know that bonding happens over a lifetime, but right now, no bonding is not a good thing for me.

[~Hestia~]

Maybe mention at your scan that you're undecided with finding out the gender? Then see how you feel after you see his/her little face etc. Good luck!

[Kazzo]

Maybe mention at your scan that you're undecided with finding out the gender? Then see how you feel after you see his/her little face etc. Good luck!

This is what I would do, give your self steps and then follow them one by one, if after seeing the baby and you are still not sure. Ask them to write it down. That way you have a photo to look at a bit more and maybe by yourself when you can think more. Then if you still want to know you have it written down.
Just make sure if you do get in written down, put it on thick paper and fold it a few times so you can't see by holding it up to the light

Good luck tomorrow and don't put to much pressure on yourself to bond or you might stop it from naturally happening.

[beansbeans!]

thanks ladies, I might jsut do that. Worst part is that DH is so relaxed about it all that he doesnt mind if we find out or not. Which doesnt help the decision at all!

[Smoke Jaguar]

I didn't want to find out about either of mine and I don't think I could have felt any more bonded with my kids if I tried My kids get born into a gender-neutral kind of early childhood, anyway, so it makes no difference till they decide it does when they're more cognizant of the social differences. For DS it started last year. For DD, it hasn't hit yet, she just directs herself to what she wants to do with the available, non-directional toys here.
So, even if I'd found out, it wouldn't have helped me decide which activities they would do or what activities would help us bond. My kids are condemned to learning to swim and ride horses, no exceptions

[Spikey]

I have 4 and I fount out with 2 and had a surpise with 2..... I would def find out the gender again it really helped me to bond

[AJC]

For me personally, knowing gender with this bub hasnt helped me bond with her, mainly because I worry a little that she is a 'he' and it will shock me at birth (wouldnt be disappointed with another boy but would just be weird calling bub her or by name and then finding out bub is a boy. Plus we havent told our family or friends gender so I dont call this bub she or her name because I dont want to slip up in front of someone and give the surprise away (especially now we're so close). And lastly as someone else has said with DS keeping me so busy I dont have much time for all the belly rubs and belly chats. Saying that I dont regret finding out gender because I wanted to find out for practcal reasons (nursery decoration etc).

[Freya]

I found out for personal reasons with Ds2 and Ds3. Ds1 we were undecided and he just kind of flashed us so we knew.

We toss up not finding out with the next one. On one hand I think it would be a nice surprise and it might soften the blow if its another boy because the anticipation of finally knowing would be amazing. On the other hand, I think 40wks of hope for a girl and then getting a boy at the end might make things worse. We'll just see how we go.

FWIW I dont think it would change my bond at the end, knowing or not knowing. Having fully expected to not bond very well with Ds3 because he was a boy and then realising it didnt matter (we have the closest bond of all!) I dont expect either scenario to change that.