Family Complications???

[lauradacombe]

Ok I'm not sure whether or not I'm making a big deal out of this or not but I wanted to see if other first time Mum's had their own mother in the birth suite for the labour??

My hubbie and I have had long discussions about this and feel we would like to do it on or own without my Mum there, however when I told her she seemed to be a bit upset like I didn't want her involved at all which is not the case.

I know with my sister and her first Bub my Mum was their and her hubby was very uncomfortable with her being their aswell. We don't want to start this beautiful journey my hubbie and I are about to embark on with resentful and uneasy feelings.

I think I just need reassurance that it's not always common for the mother of the bubs Mum to be in the delivery room.

[briggsy's girl]

my mum wasn't there - the only reason she even knew i was in the hospital was cos i was at her house when they called saying they needed me to come in (induction due to pre-eclampsia) and DH was at work so mum drove me over. my DH isn't comfy with my mum, i didn't want to feel like i was on someone elses timeline to deliver, so she was told not to be at the hospital, we'd call when DD arrived. at first, she was MEGA-narky about it. i ended up saying "get over it - you won't be there - it is OUR child not yours and there is no need for you to be there"

she was the first person we called (and it was me that made the call after returning from theatre after c/s - so it was a little while later) and she accepted that

make it clear now that, as much as you need her support, while you're labouring/birthing your baby it's all about you and your DH

i think the point that got through to my mum was that i wanted to be able to spend time bonding with DD before other people were asking to hold her. we wanted to do baby led attachment cos i was determined to BF - and i didn't want to feel uncomfy/like i had to cover up - and even though it was my mum, i knew when she was there she'd be a bit snap happy with the camera - it was something i just didn't want...

[Fleur]

Hi...

I had my mum in with me for my first, .... I was very young at the time...but having said that I have had a support person there (apart from DH) every other time. With number 3 I had Mum again and a friend as well as DH. We have a friend of ours coming in with us this time as well.

Our reason is that it can be quite intense and it is good to have a backup person not just for yourself but for DH also. However it is important that that is someone you BOTH are happy with, it's his experience too... I think ultimately it's about what the two of you are comfortable with.

It is not up to your mother...yes I can understand why she wants to be there, I would love to be too, but it is not her birth experience, it is yours & your DH's and the decision is for the two of you.

My sister just had her first...her DH didn't want her mother there at first but changed his mind..IMO it's a good thing for another person to be there, especially an older woman who has 'been there done that'.... but not at the cost of yours & your DH's ease, kwim?

So, I can't tell you how many have had their mothers there..I'm sure some have & some haven't.... but I am certain that it needs to be your decision.

Good luck

[~Kaz~]

I didn't have my mum at my DS's birth. It was just me and DH. It was never an issue with our respective families - there was no pressure or hinting etc. I am close to my mum and she is medically trained but I just really wanted it to be an experience for DP and I for similar reasons to Briggsy's Girl. I don't think we're that uncommon

I think it's really important that you are BOTH comfortable and relaxed. You won't labour as well if you feel even mildly anxious about something or if you're picking up on your DH's discomfort. Sometimes its good to have a third person available as Jasp said but sometimes you really need to just be quiet and in yourself and concentrating and not get too distracted by other people around you if that makes sense. You won't know how you'll labour until you labour but you sound like you've talked about it enough to have a fair idea.

If you're both definitely decided that it's just going to be the two of you, it might be best to just be upfront with her now, acknowledge she might be disappointed but explain your reasons and leave it at that. You are not your sister - just because your sister had her there, doesn't mean she should have assumed that you would do the same (if in fact that's what's she's done). There are so many other ways for grandparents/parents to get involved.

ETA: Good luck darl!

[Floweryfields]

I think it is a very personal thing. I wouldn't want anyone other than my DH and I there, for me it is a deeply personal and intimate thing between husband and wife. I also feel that it's not something I would want an audience for and also even though my mum and I are very close, it's not something that either of us would want.

[Stevie]

my mother wont be there (nor will his) Tho, DH works away (week on week off) and if bubs comes while he's gone, i will want someone there and my mum is the only other person i would want there. Her or my SIL.
But hopefully bub can hang on for a time when DH is here

[Chocaholic]

Good lord no. My mother has not been in the delivery room at either birth. I could think of nothing worse.

I love my mum dearly but that time is for me and DH only (oh, & the midwife of course LOL!!). First birth she went shopping with my father & the next one she looked after DS1.

I suppose it is what the both of you are comfortable with. Some people see their mums as an integral support person but for me, that person is my DH. Oh, and I don't feel comfortable swearing in front of my mother & as that is how I usually deal with pain, I figured there woul be plenty of swear words flying. I was right!! Besides if I did anything to DH (like smacking him in the head - it really was an accident though), at least there would be not witnesses to repeat stories .

[willow5]

Good lord no. My mother has not been in the delivery room at either birth. I could think of nothing worse.

Couldn't agree more!
I didn't have my mum in the delivery room for either of my 2 births, it's been 15 years now and I haven't changed my mind for the third.

But it is your birthing experience the decision should be yours and DH's.
You should do whatever you're both comfortable with, good luck I'm sure everything will work out in the end

[briggsy's girl]

just thought i'd add - i did have my sil in the labour ward until i went down for c/s - her and DH get along really well, and she was there just as an extra person to take photos and things - and to have someone with me while he went to sleep (it had been a looooong few days)

SIL was ONLY in there cos DH gets along with her - if he hadn't i'd have not had anyone extra. she stepped back and didn't interfere - she didn't make anyone uncomfy etc sometimes an extra person is a blessing - but you BOTH need to agree on who that is

[sweetpea678]

I choose to have my mum there with my first two only because my now ex is hopeless at the birth bit, and mum stayed out of the room unless I wanted her in. With bub no 3 it was me dh and midwifes. My mum never expected to be there with any of the and only came because I asked her to.

To me it is your choice and if you don't want your mum there then you shouldn't.

[~Kim~]

I had my mum the first time, and DH really appreciated someone to support him. This time however everyone (including DH) was 600km away.
With my first bub, MIL was actually the offended one when she asked if she could attend and was told 'no thanks'.
My mum was a little offended when my sister asked me to go with her for her first bub, but she never would have told my sister that.
Geepers that was a ramble, but no I don't think it's that common. She can always be part of doctors/clinic visits, scans etc if you still want to include her....or not - your preg, your decision
I think it really depends on the relationship both you and your DH have with her.

[AwesomeFoursome]

My mum wasn't there when I had ds. Beforehand I couldn't think of anything worse than having her there, but about half way through the labour everything was going wrong and all I wanted was my Mum (besides the pain to end). But she was 5 hours away, so no way of it happening.

Maybe have her on call incase you change your mind in labour.