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Thread: feeling rejected by DH

  1. #1

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    Red face feeling rejected by DH

    My libido had increased dramatically over the last month or so, and DH wants nothing to do with it! He's just started a new job and he blames his lack of interest on being so tired - but can stay up later than usual to watch footy or go and play poker with the boys!



    I have made many attempts to satisfy my new-found sexual desire, only to be knocked back and rejected. Whenever we talk about it he brings up the same lame excuse about work.

    Could it be that my pregnant body repulses him? It is really starting to upset me because this is the first time in (how many) years I have actually WANTED sex.

  2. #2

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    I kinda know how u feel. In my 2ng pregnancy I was the same. Hubby wasn't too bad, but I did feel rejected a fair bit. But I knew my body shape didn't really bother him either way. For him it was more work & the fact that when I started to show it hit him that there would be another baby & that scared him.
    It's possible thats all it is. He was also spending alot more time with mates & infront of the tv - not in bed with me.
    Ask if he's scared of being a dad. Or if he's scared of hurting the baby. It's more likely to be one of these two.

  3. #3
    Butterfly_Princess Guest

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    Heyyya
    I went through the same kind of thing although i didnt get rejected as such, it just never really seemed to happen, and i wanted to SO badly!!
    But when i spoke to DP about it..he said it was because he now felt weird about it, kinda like DD knew what we were doing, or that she was in the room. He said it freaked him out. I believe this is a common feeling between males and sex at this point of pregnancy, esp coz they can feel them sometimes (but usually there is a logical explanation).
    Im sure its the same situation with your DH, he just probably thinks he will sound stupid if he told you. Its got nothing to do with your body repulsing him i bet

    Maybe sit him down and talk to him about it again, maybe suggest he feels this way and that you understand how he must feel, and that its completely normal for him to be feelings that way but you have needs to and its not going to hurt anyone if he tended to them once in a while. Maybe confide in him how his excuses are making you feel like he is repulsed by your body.

  4. #4

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    M has said he doesn't find pregnant women sexy. He still wants to cuddle and kiss me and tells me he thinks I "glow" and am gorgeous... but not in a sexual kind of way. It upset me during the first pg, especially after he was there for the birth and all, and I thought that it would be impossible for us ever to have more kids because he would never want to have sex again with me! But here I am - pregnant again (and kind of accepting of the whole no-sex-during-pregnancy thing!) and I know that after the birth of this baby it will be all good again. So I know it seems so unfair and I would definitely talk to him about how he feels, but just from my experience, once I'd had the baby, my DH was able to see me as "me" again, rather than as a host-organ LOL

  5. #5

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    My DH told me he was worried about hurting the baby if we had sex while I was pregnant. He told me I was still sexy, but that he didnt see my belly as the sexy part of me. iykwim.

  6. #6

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    I know how you girls are feeling sex just doesn't happen in this house any more and me now at 20 weeks my libido has increased but OH just isn't interested which is making me feel really down like it is "ME" he isn't interested in

  7. #7

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    My DH won't go without. No matter how big I was he still saw me as me. Like I said he was having trouble coming to terms with another mouth to feed.
    When I fell pg with DD1 he actually asked the doctor if it was OK. I was embarrassed!

    Sex is actually good for the pregnancy. Not only making mum feel better about herself & stuff, towards the end it can help the cervix ripen? I think is the word. Semen has natural stuff in it to help start labour. If you explain these points to him it might help...
    Good luck.

    To you girls that got none just coz you were pg. I'm sorry, but thats wrong. Like I said DH saw me as me. He didn't find that big gut of mine attractive either, but he loves me, not what I look like. I'm not judging, but I think it sounds kinda shallow.
    Sorry, hope that didn't offend anyone. I don't know them, but that's my thought.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by bjrose View Post
    but I think it sounds kinda shallow.
    My thoughts exactly.... am I allowed to call my own husband shallow? ha

    bloody men....

  9. #9

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    It is really hard when you are in this situation because dicussing the sexual aspects of our relationships is often difficult at the best of times. Have you asked him specifically if there is an issue - maybe he feels if he told you the 'truth' (if there is an issues kwim?) that he would hurt your feelings. I can see where he is coming from too with saying he is too tired for sex, but can stay up late - I'm the same myself, I can stay up, but also be too tired for sex because I'm too tired emotionally to give myself to DH during sex (I can't just lay there kwim?) but I can sit and watch mindless TV.

    It is normal for men to feel different things about their wives/partners etc during pg. Some men find it doesn't change the way they feel about sex, some are a bit confused and unsure if they may be hurting the baby/third person/etc and others are just completely turned off - all of these reactions are fine and perfectly normal and it isn't shallow for them to feel this way. They have issues about it and they need addressing. It was said that Elvis never had sex with Priscilla once she was pg and after she gave birth as he held the 'mother' figure in such reverence because of his own love for his mother, that he saw being a mother was completely different to a lover.

    And I dont' care what anyone says, being pg and then having a baby changes the dynamic of your relationship too - we just have to learn how to adapt to and enjoy those changes for the better.

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