Has anyone else felt incredibly alone during pregnancy??

[Reet]

Ok so i know this is my fault.. Im not the most social person.. Since my m/c earlier this year i havent done much.. been happy to just chill at home with dh when hes in town and not away working.. ive basically become a huge hermit! But I have been loving it.. Until now

Just tonight I have realised I dont have a life. My life is sitting at home with my 3 dogs bellybellying, facebooking , cleaning our house and going to work.. Not much else!

I stopped seeing a lot..actually ALL.. of my friends since I havent wanted to drink and thats all they seem to do every weekend. I also cant be bothered constantly talking about TTC and how its going for us. I guess what im trying to say is I dont really have anything in common with my girlfriends anymore. Its kinda awkward sitting there sober trying to make small talk.. if i was a social butterfly everything wld be fine but im not.. I have learnt to enjoy only mine and my dhs company way too much. Dont get me wrong Im not some big alco that can only socialise when im drunk.. but I wld normally have a big nite with friends around once a month.. and thats probly the only time I wld see them. They have always been those type of friends that it doesnt matter if its weeks since i have seen them I know that we are still close.. but i am just realising now I am sitting here on a saturday nite (Dh left today for 5 days) and i have no-1 to call

I have always relied on my my mum and 2 sisters to be my company, but with my mum away camping and my 2 sisters working tonight I am lost. I even called my younger sister earlier to say i am happy to go and pick her up and take her to town tonight and also pick her up wen shes ready to go home.. just so i can have a bit of company.. how sad is that!

We also havent told anyone that i am pg.. i guess thats also why Im finding it hard, I cant really call any of my friends because they will all be drinking tonight. I know I cld organise something in advance and my friends wld be happy to have a sober nite and i cld just say that im waiting to find out if im pg.. but i dont know.. i guess it wld just feel like i was lying to them. Once they all do know in a couple weeks im not sure if it will even be better tho.. i have alienated myself so much im not really in any of their circles anymore. I DONT KNOW!! Im probly not making much sense!!!

Im just scared that as time goes on its going to get worse and im going to feel more and more alone

Sorry about the whinge.. I know its my own fault for getting myself stuck in this rut.. i just needed to get it all out cos im feeling a bit sad tonight.. and guess what! I have no1 else to turn too!

Thanks for reading my jibberish.. Dont feel as tho u need to reply.. all there really is to say to me is get a life!!!! haha xxx

[nattyfred]

I think I feel your pain

My dh is away for 5 weeks ending next Thurs and Im so over it. Dont worry once you have little bubs you will be so in love and busy with your new direction that the friends you need will either realise you are different now or be made at mothers group or in other circles (just make sure you do go, its hard but so worth it even if you make 1 good friend.....I made 2 yay!)..I hate to sound like one of those ppl I hated when I was pregnantbut...enjoy the peace and qiuet lol, Im a big one for personal space and surprise surprise I dont get a teeny bit (cept for now with V in bed)..

Anyway I know how it feels to be lonely. sucks hey?

xx

[~Hestia~]

Big hugs Reet. Loneliness is an awful feeling.
FWIW I love being at home and am a bit of a hermit. But since having my DS I've tried hard to put myself out there. Not just for him but for my sake too. Parenthood can be quite lonesome. I hope you find some like minded buddies soon.

[Clairesmummy]

Reet- I did the very same thing when I was PG with my DD but her father wasn't around at all through my pregnancy nor after she was bron but that's a whole other story...lol....not much I can say to make you feel any better darl, only I know exactly how you are feeling right now and it does suck to feel like that, but I can tell you it does get better darl. Keep yah chin up darl and get yourself some chocolate and a good dvd that's what I used to do......

[turtleschell]

I went through the exact same thing when I was pg! Then when she was born, suddenly I had heaps and heaps of new friends, from Mother's group, and just random people I'd known from years before that have had kids too and now we have something in common and become good friends (even when we weren't relaly friends at all before, eg people from highschool)
I have far more friends now than ever before, and my old friends from before DD are just old acquaintances now.
TBH, having DD is the best thing to ever happen to my social life.

[chepie]

oh big hugs hun xxxx I feel your pain.... I am the same!! My dh is away has been for over a week and its just me and the kids!! My bestie lives 3 hours away- so I speak to her on the phone - BUT THATS IT...... I have no one else to talk to, and I have tired but like you unless I am out partying I am not included and nor do they understand what it is like to have kids ....... Since moving to Canberra I have never ever felt so alone like I do now!! So I am hoping that we move soon!!

OOps sorry for the hijack ...... Big hugs xoxox

[Reet]

Thankyou so much girls xxxx

I think i will just sit tight for the next 6 months and enjoy just relaxing and not doing much else.. i will also be taking ur advice and joining a mothers group etc once baby comes cos i honestly cant see myself staying friends with anyone that im friends with now. And hey why force friendships just so i can have 'friends' now! Its silly. Thankyou girls for helping me to realise this
Am feeling better today.. i think i was a bit hormonal.. i'd already had a cry earlier yesterday cos dh was going away.. i think it was just an emotional day!

A big thankyou once again!!! xxx

ps Chepie- Is there any playgroups/mothers groups in ur area u cld join??

[~Hestia~]

Glad you're feeling better. And yes - join mothers groups, play groups, swimming lessons etc as there are potential new friends all over the place just waiting for you.

[chepie]

Reet - glad you are feeling better babe xxx Yes I too need to pulll my finger out and join a group!!! I noticed that you are in FNQLD - we are hoping to make a move to Cairns - if you are near there we can hang out !!!

[Reet]

I live in Cairns.. so yes let me know! We can be loners together! haha

[MrsBexie]

I totally understand this feeling!!

We moved 8 weeks ago to toowoomba where I don't know anyone except one other army wife. I feel so lonely and realised I have no one but DH, but at the same time I cannot be bothered going out and trying to make friends.
When we do socialize with the other guys DH works with (who moved from wagga as well so I'm friends with them) I don't want to go anymore! I just want to stay home with dh, I don't want to share him.

So yes I feel incredibly lonely and also know it's mainly my fault, but being pregnat is hard when you are the only one! Maybe try to get into prenatal yoga (I start next week) or aqua aerobics where you will meet other pg women.

Keep your chin up!

[MrsBexie]

oh big hugs hun xxxx I feel your pain.... I am the same!! My dh is away has been for over a week and its just me and the kids!! My bestie lives 3 hours away- so I speak to her on the phone - BUT THATS IT...... I have no one else to talk to, and I have tired but like you unless I am out partying I am not included and nor do they understand what it is like to have kids ....... Since moving to Canberra I have never ever felt so alone like I do now!! So I am hoping that we move soon!!

OOps sorry for the hijack ...... Big hugs xoxox

I was from Canberra so when I am there next week I could ask around about groups for you if you like? I know heaps of families and young people with kids.

[Reet]

Oh msbexie thats a good idea.. prenatal yoga! i hadnt thought of that. I might book myself into one. Even if i dont make friends atleast ill be out there doing something.

My dh is a bit of a homebody too like me.. so we are both as bad as eachother.. atleast urs goes and sees mates! I think mine is starting to get frustrated with me tho cos i wont do anything.. like even go to the movies (how slack am i!) hopefully once i have hit the 2nd trimester i get a bit more energy.. right now i just dont have any motivation. Its also hard tho cos my dh works away 3 weeks and home for only 1.. so i get too used to my own company over those 3 weeks and then wen hes home i also dont want to share him with anyone!

Let me know how ur yoga class goes! I might wait til i start showing a bit and then book in to one.. i will probably feel silly otherwise being with all other pregnant looking ladies and me just looking normal.

x

[Yarrawin]

I hear you, Reet. I really do.

I had a mc in September last year and after that I basically became a hermit. Not long after my mc my DH had to go to England for a week or two and two days before he left I lost my job, and I honestly don't think I left the house for more than 5 mins at a time during the whole time he was away.

I lost touch with everyone, and not knowing many people in Melbourne to start with that was really hard! My friends did try to reconnect for a while but I was just not ready emotionally.

Now I'm pregnant and that isn't a stage of life that any of our friends are at. I have reconnected with them in a sense, but I've found I don't have anything in common with them and I prefer to just spend time with my DH, or even alone, which I've always hated. My life is being at home and two mornings a week at uni, and even at uni I have lost touch with the friends I made... I just feel so disconnected.

That said, I'm also strangely content if that makes sense?!

Don't beat yourself up about not wanting to do anything. I was like that until probably 16 or 17 weeks when I started feeling better and its different for everyone! We do go out and do more now, but I've become very much a homebody and even though I have times where I feel lonely and disconnected I'm also okay with it