Ok so i know this is my fault.. Im not the most social person.. Since my m/c earlier this year i havent done much.. been happy to just chill at home with dh when hes in town and not away working.. ive basically become a huge hermit! But I have been loving it.. Until now

Just tonight I have realised I dont have a life. My life is sitting at home with my 3 dogs bellybellying, facebooking , cleaning our house and going to work.. Not much else!

I stopped seeing a lot..actually ALL.. of my friends since I havent wanted to drink and thats all they seem to do every weekend. I also cant be bothered constantly talking about TTC and how its going for us. I guess what im trying to say is I dont really have anything in common with my girlfriends anymore. Its kinda awkward sitting there sober trying to make small talk.. if i was a social butterfly everything wld be fine but im not.. I have learnt to enjoy only mine and my dhs company way too much. Dont get me wrong Im not some big alco that can only socialise when im drunk.. but I wld normally have a big nite with friends around once a month.. and thats probly the only time I wld see them. They have always been those type of friends that it doesnt matter if its weeks since i have seen them I know that we are still close.. but i am just realising now I am sitting here on a saturday nite (Dh left today for 5 days) and i have no-1 to call

I have always relied on my my mum and 2 sisters to be my company, but with my mum away camping and my 2 sisters working tonight I am lost. I even called my younger sister earlier to say i am happy to go and pick her up and take her to town tonight and also pick her up wen shes ready to go home.. just so i can have a bit of company.. how sad is that!

We also havent told anyone that i am pg.. i guess thats also why Im finding it hard, I cant really call any of my friends because they will all be drinking tonight. I know I cld organise something in advance and my friends wld be happy to have a sober nite and i cld just say that im waiting to find out if im pg.. but i dont know.. i guess it wld just feel like i was lying to them. Once they all do know in a couple weeks im not sure if it will even be better tho.. i have alienated myself so much im not really in any of their circles anymore. I DONT KNOW!! Im probly not making much sense!!!

Im just scared that as time goes on its going to get worse and im going to feel more and more alone

Sorry about the whinge.. I know its my own fault for getting myself stuck in this rut.. i just needed to get it all out cos im feeling a bit sad tonight.. and guess what! I have no1 else to turn too!

Thanks for reading my jibberish.. Dont feel as tho u need to reply.. all there really is to say to me is get a life!!!! haha xxx