Things did not go well at all today. I'm still in tears actually.
I asked my OB if he'd heard of 'maternal assisted c/sections' and he said no. I then gave him all of the literature I had with the protocols, names and contact number of the OB's involved and he wouldn't look at them.
He said, "I'm not comfortable doing that...it's out of my comfort zone"
I then pleaded with him to let me have some part in the birth of my child and that the birth of my other two children left me with a feeling of hopelessness, out of control and insignificant...it was then I started to cry.
I told him that a woman helping guide her baby out when she was delivering naturally is not out of the ordinary, all I was asking that if I could please have some sort of involvement in my child's birth, and to not be left laying there, sheet draped in front of me like I had no right to be a part of the birth and I was just some insignificant piece of incompetent meat.
He didn't bat an eyelid...his response to a mother's pleadings were...
"I'll be honest with you...my insurance wouldn't cover this, and if my insurance won't cover me I'm not prepared to do it"
So there you go - it's all about the money.
He said that maybe in 5 years time after more OB's had done it then it could be something he'll look at. I reminded him that this was our last child and I didn't have 5 years...and that if no one has the initiative and guts to do it now, it won't make an iota of difference in 5, 10, 20 years.
I'm gutted...I'm so disillusioned at the person that I thought was meant to care, was being paid to care.
DH asked me afterwards if I really thought he would go for the idea.
I said that I expected him to at least look at it, research it for himself and then if he honestly came back to me and said he wasn't comfortable with but gave me options such as the drape being down during the c/section, immediate skin to skin contact after the birth...I think I would have been okay with that, safe in the knowledge that at least he looked into it.
I walked out of his office telling him that I was so disappointed and do you know in the whole time I was sitting there pouring my heart out and crying he did not even offer me a tissue...there's his compassion.
Now I don't know what to do...