Inappropriate pregnancy announcement reactions

[TeniBear]

Holy crud, some of these are so mean! PZ and TM

I suppose I had the opposite when I told my dad I was pregnant with Ianto - I was terrified he'd go off his nut because we conceived slightly before the wedding (apparently a big no-no in my family) but his first reaction was to turn to my mum and say "I told you so!" with a massive grin on his face This time, no-one's really reacted aside from asking me how everything's going. I'm not sure they know how to react, but I'm grateful they're not so rude that they ask if I'm happy about it!

[deletedit]

I've had the exact reverse with the last two .. a few "about time"s and "I thought you were pregnant"s. Everyone assumed they were planned though ... ridiculously cute boy/girl pair 3 years into a relationship, spaced 2.5 years apart, in my early-mid 30s. Nope, just too fertile.

People do tend to forget I have 3 children, or don't even know I've got 3. I don't look as old as I am - a couple of the midwives thought both of us were younger than we are (we're indoor geeks). I think I'd get more questions if I had three close together, or if I *looked* 35.

[~Kim~]

Rach.
Some people live in oblivion and really need to put some filters on.

[rhyb]

I get spoke to like I am unable to make a mature adult decision. I get asked 'Do you even know what contraception IS?' 'WHY would you want another?' 'It's not a clown car you know?' etc. No one is ever happy and now people just roll their eyes. FFS this is my 3rd pg not my 43rd!

[ShootingStar]

Ive only had that once and with this pregnancy, from the director of DS's preschool! Of all places and people! I dont know her more than anyone else there so not like shes a family friend or anything, but yeh.. the weird things people say!

[*Efjay*]

Yep, I get it too. This time round No it wasn't planned but we didn't exactly try & prevent it either. I wanted more, DH didn't but wasn't ready to get the snip. things happen & we are both happy with our little surprise.

What bugs me more though is not one of my pregnancies has my own mother said "Congratulations" I am sure ALL 5 have been something like "Oh that's all you need" or something equally insulting.

[Ahurani]

I got asked that by everyone lol

My answer... No, Im a raging whorebag.

Shut them up for good

[Liz]

meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.

Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!

Oh and btw... my asking the 'planned' question isn't an initial reaction to the pg announcement.. it usually comes up later on or something. I usually jump up and down with congratulations as an announcement reaction

[Snacks]

“Well that’s a very personal question, so tell me, when did you last have sex and what sort of contraception did you use?”

LOL, perfect.
Sorry that thoughtless people are getting you down, Rach. People suck. xx

[peanutter]

I had a lot of people who said things like, "congratulations! you must be thrilled! uh, you are thrilled, right? I mean, you're happy? this is, uh, on purpose?"

or people just saying "congratulations, was it planned?"

it annoyed me, but I'm not sure I was offended ... it's not a spre spot for me, personally.

but I found the question bizzarre - I mean, I was 28, married for 7 years, with DH for 12 years, and we didn't announce until I was 22 weeks pregnant.

my response ranged from "yes" to "are you seriously expecting me to answer that?" to "what are you suggesting?" to "what will you think if this baby wasn't planned?"

but over all, I think (for the people who asked me that question) it was more of an overly politically correct atmosphere, of people worrying that they're being insensitive or drawing incorrect conclusions by assuming that all pregnancies are wanted and planned ...

but how awful for you ladies who have had really negative comments, at what should be a beautiful and exciting time of your lives!

the closest to any of that which I experienced was one very close friend who congratulated me, and then read me the riot act for not telling her immediately when I got pregnant, then got really annoyed with me for not telling her whether we were expecting a boy or a girl (and kept trying to pressure me to tell her until I gave birth) and then warned me that I "had better not become one of those women who can talk about nothing but your baby and their latest talents and their pooing and eating and rolling and all that bu!!$#!^" ... thanks, babe ...

[wysiwyg]

meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.

Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!

I have to say I agree with this, is just a question and peanutter puts it I think is a result of "people worrying that they're being insensitive or drawing incorrect conclusions by assuming that all pregnancies are wanted and planned ..."

Before I became pregnant and started looking on BB I never realised how difficult it is for some people it is to get pregnant, and how easy it is for others, how much planning can go into it - my world had never overlapped with babies and pregnancy and if I asked the "Was it planned" question in the past I certainly wouldn't have been thinking they want the baby less or interested in their sex life.

[Snacks]

meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.

Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!

...if I asked the "Was it planned" question in the past I certainly wouldn't have been thinking they want the baby less or interested in their sex life.

Diff'rent strokes then, I guess. To me, the question is saying, "So did your contraception fail or didn't you use any?"

[wysiwyg]

This is going to sound slightly silly, but before becoming pregnant myself - the fact that someone has had sex to get pregnant didn't really cross my mind - the two were sort of detached. If someone announced they were pregnant I wouldn't be thinking about them having sex, but I might be curious about what the thought process was about deciding was the right time to have kids if there was one, is human nature to be interested in the life of those around you - ok now I have BB where I can read all about peoples pregnancy and TTC journeys and read about peoples thought processes in deciding when is the best time for them to have a first, a second etc - but once upon a time there wasn't BB and you need to learn stuff from other people somehow.

[Liz]

Yeah, it's a bit like being offended that someone has announced their pregnancy... ewwww... I don't want to know that you had sex!

[boomba]

Epacris thats so rude.

and big husg to everyone else who has encounted this

[Epacris]

Wow, I never even considered that some people might not mind being asked the “planned” question. Thanks for sharing your different perspective.

I have such a strong reaction to it, I loathe it, it makes me seethe! I dread announcing this pregnancy because I know it’s coming and I just absolutely detest it. For me it is just such a gross invasion of my privacy. That’s just how I feel.

[~Lashes~]

what one gets me is the "do you own a tv?"
the one i was most shocked was when i told mum about no 4, her reply was" i know you wernt planing for another, so what are you going to do?" i told her "HAVE IT!! of course, i cant even think about any other possibility" her reply to that was "well i dont ever regret it, best decission i ever made, i couldnt have delt with 2 in nappies"
lucky i had called to tell her and not waited till she visited! i would have slaped her so hard! last time i had only one in nappys was befor dd was born and ds1 was just getting out of night ones.... after that one, nothing shocks me now!!!

[Liz]

yep, we're all different

I think it's the repetitiveness of questions that gets me more than anything. I see people post that they think it's rude to ask how the birth went, or how bub is sleeping, or whatever. I don't mind being asked stuff, but when it's asked a gazillion times I start getting annoyed. I had people commenting all the time on how huge I was with DD, are you sure it's not twins? you sure you've got your dates right? You look like you're going to pop any time now! I wasn't offended, just frustrated at answering the same questions all the time.

I hope you can overcome it somewhat, cos as you say, you know it's coming :/ Maybe include how you feel about it in your answer so they don't have a chance to think 'oh - surprise baby=unwanted baby' (not that I really think people think this?). Maybe something like "no, this is our little surprise and we're so excited" or something.

*hugs*