My turn to freak out. *may be distressing*

[sconeonamission]

I was exactly the same. There was always soemthing I was worried about. Until I felt her move, I was at the doctors every week just to hear a heartbeat. If I had a day (after I could feel movements) that I had felt nothing all day or had some other kind of panic, I'd be back there . Thank heavens for bulk billing doctors! When the day loomed closer, the worse my dark thoughts, dreams and panic set in. My dh wasn't very supportive regarding this, but he did what he could.

I had nights where I couldn't sleep, or I'd wake up in a sweat and in tears. If I was ever driving somewhere, my brain would go into over active mode and start thinking absolute worst case senario. The thoughts were always worse at night.

I always had a particular BB member in the back of my mind, and wonder how she copes.

Funnily enough, the last week I was pregnant, I don't think I had the fear at all. I don't think it crossed my mind during labour either.

Since DD was born, I now worry about SIDS, or something else, and think about the BB'ers that my fear actually happened to. I still cry about my fears, but now it's for those it's happened to

The fear is completely normal, you are not alone. If you need to speak to a counselor, please do so. It's not a weakness to ask for help.

[Santosha]

Thanks so much wonderful women. It does help to read that my thoughts and feelings have been experienced by others and to know that you now have your precious little ones earthside. I went and had a big cry after I sent the OP and lay down on the bed for a while and bubba belted me with one great big kick - I took that to mean "sheeesh, I'm fine. Chill out Mum."

I am seeing someone already - one of the perks of working in the mental health industry... we may be more nuts than most, but we get psych support! She's trying to help me figure out whether there's anything in particular underlying the fear but so far we haven't come up with anything other than an unusually high exposure to sad stories. Will make sure I have a chat to my midwives - when I finally have an appt, and my gorgeous student middy.

Much love to you all and thanks again. xoxo