NOt really sure where is the most suitable place to post this - mods feel free to move

Just needed to share some of the concerns i've been having lately - writing things down and expressing myself tends to be a bit of a release for me. Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble and long.

I'm just having a pretty terrible time dealing with the fear of something going wrong with this preg. It was all exciting thinking about TTC #2 and wonderful discovering we fell preg again and so quickly....but now the reality of it all has well and truly sunk in.

I have found myself waking in tears with such consuming fear. I really thought i had dealt with everything after my last preg experience (which many of you know about....don't really want to have to repeat myself again - it's in the birth de-brief). The hospital put us onto the psychologist for parents who have gone through a traumatic experience and DH and i really did feel ok about it all and were positive about our future pregnancies.

Now i am just terrified. And it sounds completely selfish and so unlike me but my main fear is for the risk to my own life purely because i can't bear to think of leaving Ella. I want to raise my baby! When i went through my experience with Ella i didn't even consider my own life, i just prayed that God would allow my baby to be alright....so i'm really struggling with my suddenly selfish feelings towards this new baby.

I really, really wanted this baby - and desired a big family - but now i'm wondering if we've jumped into this blindly. I now wish that we'd done more research to see if our chances of another placenta abruption are high or low, wished more tests were done to be more specific about the cause (as it's just a guessing game right now)....

I just feel that we won't be able to relax until the day our baby is born. I had such a positive attitude about this preg and birth, wanting to try my absolute hardest for a VBAC etc... but now all that seems so difficult to focus on.

I'm not a negative person so i'm sure that as more tests are conducted and we get to know our OB better, and will have the opportunity to discuss our fears and perhaps be given more info, I will begin to feel better - oh God i hope so anyway! Just needed to get it off my chest and have others who have gone through traumatic preg/birth experiences let me know if these feelings towards the next baby/preg are normal....