:hugs: Rae,

This is a really tough time and you are courageous and brave to have turned to look at your fears. That is something that many people can't do.

I would love to be able to take your fears away but I can't. I can't even say it gets better but what I do know is that you WILL get through this. The statistical risk of you losing your life are very minimal. I understand though that statistics are not at all reassuring sometimes...

Can I offer some suggestions? Discard the ones that don't fit for you...
* Employ/engage a midwife that you click with. Outcomes (physically, emotionally and spiritually(I believe) are better with a midwife known to you.
* Accept that this is bloody scary and that you are completely and utterly normal for feeling the way you do. You are very okay. Believe this because to have been through what you have of course there is some fear.
* Explore the vbac option if that is important to you. Really explore it. Talk to a trusted midwife.
* Explore hypnobirthing and neuro stress release. Neuro stress release is an incredible experience (I have only just had recent experience and it blew me away...) Hypnobirthing is a wonderful way to tame those emotions.
* Come in here a LOT for hugs and support.

I am sending lots of love...