Off Putting Comments to First Time Mums

[AngelPants]

im 20 and preg with our 1st and i have been getting these comments non-stop since we announced we were expecting.
i have to say a lot of people have been questioning how long DF and i have been together and how our relationship will cope with this and acting like i am being a princess cos i had to stop working in late dec or face being hospitalised with dehydration and malnutrition cos i have all day sickness (still) but i can leave the house so i must be ok!
thankfully my parents and IL are over the moon cos he will be the 1st grandbaby, i think my mum is more clucky and nesting than i am!!!
but i have stopped seeing most of my friends cos they are all at uni, partying and getting messy and cant handle that i have gone down such a different path. so far the worst thing has been losing my bf of 9 years cos she couldnt relate to me wanting this baby. thankfully i have several other friends who have said are you happy? then im so excited for you and cant wait to meet him.
over the months my standard reply has become we'll be ok or we'll manage or it'll be ok we have a great support network and they just tend to look skeptical but drop the subject.

[SammyRo]

but i have stopped seeing most of my friends cos they are all at uni, partying and getting messy and cant handle that i have gone down such a different path. so far the worst thing has been losing my bf of 9 years cos she couldnt relate to me wanting this baby. thankfully i have several other friends who have said are you happy? then im so excited for you and cant wait to meet him. .

We're in our late 20s and we've still had some friendships disapeer by the wayside! One couple in particular didn't quite get that friday night drinks at a local bar wasn't really suitable for a 3month old! Luckily, by about the 4th time we didn't show, the invites stopped coming!

It annoys me when people think you are being naive for wanting to try and have a natural, drug-free birth - you get the "oh, just you wait, you'll be asking for the epi!" and so on. ehm, no I won't! And the comments don't stop after you've had the baby - I was talking to a friend of DH's auntie, who had become a grandmother at the same time as I had DD, and she asked about the birth - I said how long it was and how I was pushing for 2.5 hours and did it all drug free - her comment - "oh, how barbaric!" ehm, no, it was my choice, yes it hurt, but hey, I did it! I've stopped mentioning my wanting a natural birth again with this one, and if people mention the birth or the pain, I just nod and smile. The other thing that gets me is when women assume that my labour wasn't as painful or as difficult as theirs because I managed it drug free and they had to have an epi.

[Inertia]

im 20 and preg with our 1st and i have been getting these comments non-stop since we announced we were expecting.
i have to say a lot of people have been questioning how long DF and i have been together and how our relationship will cope with this and acting like i am being a princess cos i had to stop working in late dec or face being hospitalised with dehydration and malnutrition cos i have all day sickness (still) but i can leave the house so i must be ok!
thankfully my parents and IL are over the moon cos he will be the 1st grandbaby, i think my mum is more clucky and nesting than i am!!!
but i have stopped seeing most of my friends cos they are all at uni, partying and getting messy and cant handle that i have gone down such a different path. so far the worst thing has been losing my bf of 9 years cos she couldnt relate to me wanting this baby. thankfully i have several other friends who have said are you happy? then im so excited for you and cant wait to meet him.
over the months my standard reply has become we'll be ok or we'll manage or it'll be ok we have a great support network and they just tend to look skeptical but drop the subject.

Hey Cmarfol, and welcome to BB

Your all day sickness is called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. There is a website online, "helpher" - there is some material for friends and families that you can print out and hand to them to get them to understand that HG is a real and serious pregnancy complication - not something to be scoffed at.

[Stevie]

some people just forget.
The people who have never had kids you take what they say with a grain of salt, and the ones that have had kids.. well i know they arent trying to scare you but sometimes they just dontthink.
The "get as much sleep as you can!" one drove me insane..
but what used to get to me was the birth horror stories.. noo one wants to hear about things going seriously wrong, i realise it happens, but when my time came, all i could think about is "WHAT IF IM IN LABOUR FOR THE NEXT 30 HOURS!!!!!" ya know, its comment slike that that i didnt like hearing lol.

and yes babies are tough, they are alot of work but any one who walks into parenting thinking its all easy has another thing coming. i really dont think theres one woman out there that has thought its all going to be easy, so im safe in saying that
but they are soo worth it. every hurdle you come to and manage to overcome is worth everything.

[AngelPants]

thanks inertia, i will take a look!

[miss kris]

I like this thread! I get a lot of comments from my family (especially my dad) they say we are too young for a baby and should be tavelling etc first!
I tried to explain that i want to take my kids to disney land (like i was taken) and i want to do a family holiday to nz etc, i want to experience this stuff with my family!
Plus its not like i haven't travelled or lived!!

So in the end, we don't mention it to anyone but our closest of friends and family that understand. DF family are counting down til our wedding and const asking if i am up the duff yet lol they are so wonderful and supportive!!

I can't wait to be a young mum!

[Dansta]

i'm on to bub #2 and people still say things like "ohh get the sleep while you can" and tell me how hard it'll be with two! Im one of those women who if asked about birth im honest - 31hrs labour stiches. but worth every moment of it. when people tell me that i spoil DS too much and he should just CIO i point out that a baby has never been spoiled by cuddles and kisses. the best of the worst comments are by strange old laides in the street, they know how to raise *every ones* child im sure.

cmarfol - i can understand i had my DS at 19. DH and i had been together almost 3 years. and i lost almost all my friends. BB has been a life saver for me meany a time (theres a belly buddies grp for june 16-30 if you'd like to join us )

[Persephone1]

My favourites, which are ALL from the SAME PERSON:

On Pregnancy:
"You think you're tired now, just wait until you've pushed a watermelon out of your vagina."

"What do you mean you can't have caffeine? In my day it was okay to smoke during pregnancy, and my daughter turned out just fine."

On Birth:
"Why do you need a Birth Plan? Won't you just do what the Doctor's tell you? They're the experts."

On Baby Names:
"You can't call your baby that. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

On Parenthood:
"Children are spoiled too much these days. If you can't hit a child, how are you meant to discipline them?"

[TeniBear]

On Baby Names:
"You can't call your baby that. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Ohh my parents are the worst for that at times - never to anyone's face, but I swear every time a baby is born on either side of the family, they'll complain about what a stupid name the parents chose. These are people who named their daughter Tenielle (which is the best name in the world by the way ) complaining about a child named Xavier! They're the reason I've been a bit cautious about telling anyone that we're planning to call Smudge Ianto if he's a boy.

I tested the water a few days ago with mum, I gave her a list of "out there" names and told her to tell me what she thought of them - she LOVED Ianto