Now, Heath and I started our relationship off with a mutual agreement that neither of us wanted children.
Along the road, as you do, we started joking about 'one day' maybe thinking about it.
This then lead to 2 dogs (furbabies) and NOW a human baby on the way...my how things change.
BUT
We really only want one child. I am 34 so have started this baby making business a little 'later' in life...and am exhausted already thinking about raising one child. We feel extremely blessed to have been given the opportunity to be parents.
Anyhow...my vent is...I am already copping the guilt trip and negative comments by declaring that we would prefer to only have the one child.
"Yes we are finding out the sex"
"Why??"
"We are only planning on the one child and we would like to be prepared for it."
"Oh how can you only have one child!! The poor thing will be lonely."
I have already had comments bordering on rudeness, such as "I think people are weird for only wanting one child."
Weird??
Isn't this just another choice women/couples have to make:
To: stay at home - return to work - cloth - disposable - breast - bottle the list goes on.
I havent even given birth to my first child, or experienced motherhood at all yet, yet already i am being guilted into thinking that only wanting one child is wrong.
You never know..we may end up with 7 kids....but for now...please repect my choice.
Im sorry people are being so rude.
We're lucky we rarely get comments, although sometimes people do the "Why would you want to know the sex?" Um because we can idiot :fuming:
Im a person who doesnt really like the idea of only children as a choice for me, but if someone else only wants one for whatever reasons then thats their choice and probably a wise one - no point having more kids than you can handle/want. Anyway everyone has told us that 99% of the time you change your mind on these decisions after youve experienced motherhood/parenthood so who knows.
I say ask them if theyd like to help you look after those extra children financially and physically you dont want but people feel you should have and see how fast they run
Chrissy, you and Heath have discussed and made every decision together concerning your lives - first no children, now to have one child. That is the choice you made and I don't think anyone (family included) has the right to say anything about it. Who are they to say that your child will be lonely? Even in large families children can be lonely. The number of children we have is not a decision we make lightly and if you only want one or 10, then so be it.
The bitter irony is that when women have a lot of kids, they get the same criticism, only its "my God! another baby, don't they know what's causing it". I don't think it is anyone's business.
Like you say, you may decide to have more children, but for now, you know what you want and you have your reasons for it and that is your choice.
Mate, in times like these I LOVE Kaz Cooke's point from Up The Duff, where she says that when ppl say STOOPID stuff like that, it's actually about them, not about you.
Eg, when ppl found out we were pregnant at 14 weeks (told our fams at 12 and let them slowly spread news for us), one friend was like, I can't believe you managed to keep your mouth shut for that long.
I though about Kaz's advice and realised my friend probably said that because she couldn't keep her secrets that long.
So OBVIOUSLY it's up to you and Heath how many kiddies you have, and if people say stuff like 'baby will be lonely' or 'you're a wierdo', then that's based on their understanding of the issue. If they thought about it properly, they would realise that the child is still allowed to have friends/cousins/neighbours/family to play with, and open communication between parents-child will combat lonliness.
And my parents are wierdos. How else could they have embarrassed me so efficiently in my teenage years? Wierdness could be good for your child's character
So yeah, what people say is based on their understanding of things. And although it would be nice if they weren't rude, it's definately easier to brush off comments like that when you remember that it's not about you, it's about them. :flower:
as for the sex thing, well i reckon people should get there own lives, and concentrate on them selves not others, i am finding out the sex of this bub, my mother is disgusted by this, but its not her baby, its mine and craigs choice......no one elses.
as for your choice for one baby........good on you, everyone is diffeerent, and people should respect your decisions!
i get this in reverse, "dont you know what causes this", or "dont you own a tv", i just reply and say, "i just love sex", and that shuts them up.
mind you after my first child, i never imaged i would keep going.
You know what chrissy, You can't win. If you were to tell people that you were intendin gon more kids you would probably cop a flamming because of your age. "gee you left it a bit late?" "your going to be old when they are teenages" etc.
I would just say, "We'll see what the future brings" and let them make there own assumation out of that. At the end of the day its your life.
ETA- I'm 25 & pg with #3, I get comments all the time like, "gee your a glutten for punishment" or "your weird for wanting more"
Why am I weird? its not like my boys are off the rails. They are very well adjusted little boys. maybe the reason I am happy to have more is because I know DH & I can handle it.
It's a little funny, but I cop both sides of this. When ppl ask whether this is my first baby, and I say it's my fourth, the usual reaction is FOURTH?? OMG! How do you cope??
Then when I explain that my first three are between 11 and 16, they ask if I'm intending to have any more coz this baby will be so lonely growing up at such an age difference between it and its siblings.
And all I say to that is make up your minds! Lol!
Honestly it's true. you can't win. There's always someone out there who has an opinion which will differ with yours. I reckon ignore them.
I hear every word you're saying Chrissy. When I say I'd only like one people tell me the same thing. The only saving thing I can say to them is I have a nasty form of arthritis and I don't know if my body could cope with a second baby. But I agree, it's none of their business.
Aren't people weird!Each to their own I say! Imagine the looks you'd get if you said you wanted at least 10 kids!hehehe You could mess with them!Corey and I always wanted 3-4 but we say to people that we want at least 5-6 and jaws drop!hehehe
Don't worry aobut what people say hun, its your life and you can do as you please so :smt016 to them!
OMG!! **vent**
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