Over being told it will be 'EASY' for me!

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I am just over 32wks and up until now have been quite comfortable with my PG and dealing with DD, everyone says i make it look so EASY.
I keep getting the normal questions about how i think i will cope with DD and Zara (trying to make it stick) once she's here, i have no false vision that it's going to be easy.
I know it's going to be hard, tiring and probably stressful.

But more and more now i am getting the questions about whether or not i think i will cope well during labour, i have told people i am not scared of the 'physical' pain as i really don't remember much with DD's birth but i am more worried my little girl will come too quick and cause other complications.
People just say "oh really, your not at all scared of the pain, i suppose after DD's birth you will prob find this EASY"
One girl at MG told me how EASY i had it when i had DD as i managed well without drugs and can't remember the pain, i just want to scream:

I WAS ALONE ON A BATHROOM FLOOR WITH FEET HANGING OUT OF ME I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH CHOICE!

These aren't the only EASY comments getting to me, DD is generally very well behaved, mostly smiling unless sick and has slept through since quite young (well most of the time, not so much a couple of weeks back).
I don't tend to complain to SIL or MG when she doesn't sleep through, theres not much point as we all go through it BUT again a girl at MG said it will be so easy for you as DD is such an EASY baby and you NEVER have problems with her..... umm no i just don't complain about them.

SIL told me she hopes Zara (they don't know the name... lol) is a pain in the butt as i have it so EASY with DD and then i will know what it's really like. yep she said it to my face!
WTF it's not MY fault her 5yr old still wakes over night, it's not MY fault her 3yr old only grunts at people and still wakes over night.
Ok so i don't complain about DD but it doesn't mean she's perfect and she's far from it, she has a right little attitude and can be VERY sooky and i had about 2mths of her waking 3times a night and about 2wks of her ending up in my bed.
Do i need to go places and whinge like nothing just so ppl think i have a normal child.

It's not EASY for anyone and we all have our challenges, why is it a competition?

Sorry i needed to get that off my chest, if i don't now i will SCREAM and as i get closer these comments are just coming more frequently.

Oh and for anyone that is intrigued about DD's birth: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ome-birth.html

[~*lilla*~]

I got that a lot from my c/s from women that had vaginal births. Supposedly its such a easy birth in comparision to a 'real' birth Ignore them, they are just trying to compete.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

You poor thing, i would choose a 'normal' birth over a c/s any day, it's by no means the easy option!
Were lucky in our MG we have quite a great bunch of girls and a couple had emergency c/s and we all agree they had it much worse off than us!
We all deal with pain and labour in a different way, just because you go without pain relief or because you choose a c/s etc doesn't mean it was EASY or even an EASY choice.

I am trying to ignore but finding it VERY difficult especially from SIL and her wanting us to have a horrid child, it's really getting on my nerves.
I think it all comes down to your parenting, if i am relaxed and calm about it then hopefully my baby will be the same (chances are i wont get lucky twice though ), i can only do my best and it's all in my perception of my baby!

Am i doing a good job of fooling myself yet?

[Nai]

Honestly, I would just say straight up to the ones who go on about how 'easy' Ava's birth was that delivering your first baby breech and on the bathroom floor all alone was pretty freaking scary - ask them to imagine how they might have felt being alone and having their baby's feet hanging out of them. Say you are hoping for a little more support around you this time around.

What a stupid comment from your SIL I would just respond with saying that you just hope she is her own person and you will love her no matter what she is like.

[blackduckies]

Don't worry about it, easier said than done!!!! They are jealous and it does seem easy to them compared to the lot they have been dealt.
I have people saying to me all the time how easy I make having 4 kids and 1 on the way look, like you say its jsut how we go about it, but at the same time I see other people who I admire and I want to tell them, I kind of see it as a compliment??? I stuggle in the labour birth dept, long labours, back pain, ending in CS except 1 baby, so anyone who has a quick birth makes it look easy to me!!! See what I mean, it really is how we percieve things I say take it as a compliment, it will make you feel better, them being jealous or having false ideas on what it is really like walking in someone else shoes, is their issue.

[Nelle]

I got those comments too, that my first was easy and I didn't know what motherhood really was. Apparently I was in for a shock. I try not to complain too. As a way of encouraging you, my second seems fairly easy too, so don't worry about what people say. They will poison themselves with their bitterness unfortunately, but don't you buy into it! Of course it's not all smiles and pancakes, but I think it's really positive to focus on the good stuff.

As for easy. Well. Perhaps it will be easier than some. I'd say that will have less to do with your last birth though, and more to do with your education and support. I'm not sure you can compare. I had an 11 hour labour and a 50 minute labour and neither seemed particularly easy at the time. They both had their pros can cons, but as with all things in life, you get through the best way you know how.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. xo

[briggsy's girl]

i think people think quick is easy - what a crock! a quick and intense (and, in your case, damn scary) labour and birth can be just as hard, if not harder, than a longer, less intense one. i think there is a degree of envy in that you didn't labour as long and you did manage to give birth without pain killers etc - but as you say, you had no choice. you don't remember the pain, which most women eventually forget (to a degree) - otherwise we'd not have more than one - but for you, given how ultimately traumatic your birth was, it's probably a coping mechanism. remember the facts, not the pain! you've been able to relive the experience with the 000 call (minus the pain) so that has probably helped a lot too

as to easy kids. pffffft. they all have good and bad days. sometimes (often i think) it comes down to how you choose to handle those bad days. you can dwell on them, whinge away, and make them the essence of your kidlets childhood - or you can see past the bad days, focus on the good bits of those days, and keep going on. i try not to dwell on the bad bits - when i talk about DD i brush over the bits that aren't great (like the two day long whinge fest when her teeth were hurting) and share the positive bits. i guess it really is about how you embrace it

When Z arrives, you'll have a mix of good and bad days. it will be an adjustment and you'll make it work. dont feel like you have to complain about the hard times so that you seem 'normal' - it's ok to admit that A is struggling with her new little sister - but, if i know you, you'll be more likely to share those cute moments - where A has cuddled her sister or offered her food etc. they're the memories you want to treasure, not the tandem whinge sessions lol

hugs hun

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Thanks everyone.

Nai - you know whats funny my SIL calls me stubborn as i refuse to give DD nurofen etc if she is sooky, she told me she knows where DD gets her stubbornness from, i told her i can only hope my daughter is as 'strong willed' as me when she's older.
She said you call it strong willed i call it stubborn!
Hmm jealous much?

blackduckies - your right it's definitely a perception thing and i know it may SEEM easy to other people but my god sometimes i think i would take a 14hr labour over that experience.
Your right though i should take their jealousy over DD as a compliment as to how well i DP and i have done with her... their *****iness etc is their issue.
I just wish they stuck to the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'!

Nelle - thanks for reassuring me, i know Zara is going to be an angel... well i can hope. hehe but you've scared me now... a 10hr labour then a 50min labour... i wont have long to get to hosp, thats the length of the drive for me...
I know it's not the same for everyone.. just kidding.. Ava was 9hrs total from 1st regular contractions so lets hope Zara gives me ATLEAST and Hr so i can get to hosp on time.

Anyone live near the mercy that wants to put me up

BG - god i love you hun... you make me laugh and you know me too well.
You can already imagine my FB status updates can't you... Ava the pig tried to feed Zara xyz... blah blah blah... or Ava tried to cuddle Zara and nearly squished her... or i'm sure it will be.. Ava thought Zara might like a ride on her bike... hehehehe

[Nelle]

Ava - #2 was engaged from about 20 weeks, and smaller than my 9lb4ozer (he was 7lb9oz), plus the kids were only 18 months apart. Plus I'd been having almost imperceptible Braxton Hicks contractions, but I guess they were doing something! My body was so ready for birth. And really, as full on as I bet your last birth was, you know you can do this if you have to.

My suggestion would be, if you're worried about suddenly having to rush off - can anyone stay with you? IF we have another, I'd get a family member (mum or sister maybe) to stay from about 38 weeks, so that if I need to rush off we don't have to wait for anyone to come to watch the kids. Plus, if my dh doesn't make it in time I wouldn't be birthing/labouring alone. Is that an option for you do you think?

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Funny you should say that, i am thinking of having someone stay with me from 37wks, the midwife even suggested 35+ but don't want to burden people.
Ava was a week and a half early and they said although it's not a given there is every chance i could go that early or earlier this time round... doesn't give me long!

There will be 15mths b/w Ava & Zara (if Z waits) so yeah i'm the same, didn't let my body get back into shape and i have been getting some braxton hicks which i NEVER got with Ava at all...

Hmm could be interesting, the more i say the more i convince myself to make sure someone is here... lol we can't afford for DP to be here as if he doesn't work we don't get paid, mum is coming to stay AFTER x-mas as she is moving to Adelaide but by then i will be 37-38wks and theres every chance bubs might already be on the way....

Hmm i have some planning to do... BG wanna come stay and use the pool?

[berrme]

Wow, a breach birth on your bathroom floor! Do the people saying it was easy know what happened? They must be insane!!

DS1 was a really lovely boy until he got to 2, now he is only lovely about 2/3 of the time. I figure soon he will go back to nice almost all the time. DS2 is just as lovely as his brother was as a baby. Please don't assume that you only get one nice child. The smart people will tell you that baby number 2 is more placid than baby 1 because mum doesn't have so much time to dote on them.

And you are totally right about your attitude... calm mum equals calm bub. I got told I was a very calm mother the other day because I didn't yell at DS1 when he got back into the swimming pool after getting dressed. What would the point of yelling be? he was just wet. Instead of focussing on the one naughty thing he had done all day and creating a massive scene, we just got dry and went home. Don't let other people's parenting styles affect the way you raise your children.

[Nelle]

37 weeks sounds good, any earlier than that just call an ambulance, I'd rather a false alarm than to birth on my own - not that it can't be done, but at least someone is there to keep an eye on Ava while you labour! Do you have a neighbour you can trust with Ava?

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

berrme - hehe yeah they know... lol i think they think because i got THROUGH that that in some way it musn't have been that hard!
I know they know it was hard and by no means easy but they don't think before they speak.
Hehe calm mum, calm baby! lets hope!

Nelle - yeah the ambulance was the way to go with Ava and i proved the birthing alone with her can be done, maybe she can be my midwife this time round... lol
We are on 10acres so no neighbours to even yell out to, next door are close enough but if i couldn't physically go next door to get them they wouldn't hear me yelling.

Guess it's just all up to chance... lol

[briggsy's girl]

you don't trust Ava to play midwife??? geez mum - give her some credit!!

i just told DH you asked me to come stay with you. i got a WTF? kinda look lol. somehow, i don't think he's up to letting us go for that long... but you're welcome to stay here... i can get you to hospital quick smart if needed - and mum is on the way so we can dump the girls on our way through lol

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I think she will make an AMAZING MIDWIFE what with all her training and all

Hehe doubt Mark wants to miss another birth! Guess i just have to keep an eye on things and get all the MG girls on some kind of high alert signal or something. lol

[Neoma]

Avasmum#1 I had my first daughter all by myself in the bathroom. Thankgod not breech. She arrived in under an hour and a half and the intensity of it all was incredible. I too have had mothers tell me how easy I had it and also that I have no right to complain about pain in labour lol. For years I actually felt guilty, that maybe I did have it too easy. But that is a load of cr*p. Our bodies still have to dilate and go thru every thing the same as others only much much quicker. Since my first daughters birth I have had a son that took about 8 hours and another daughter in under 2 hours (I didn't get a chance for pain relief with her either). From my experience the quick are the harder.

[Lily Dust]

Avasmum#1. Wow! You are simply amazing! I agree with others quick labours are just hard and fast, no less painful, no less amazing either. Yours however, alone and breech is pretty darn incredible! My labour was 7 1/2 hours start to finish and I have a very good sleeper of a baby! Its obviously the experience that you chose to take with you, not the bad parts and unfortunately too many people are negative about other peoples experiences. My DD is only 7 weeks old and yet after waiting 5 years for her people still say when they ask about my labour and her sleeping 'you lucky cow, you dont know how easy you've got it'. Much like you I dont whinge when she has been out of sorts.
So many people are happy to tell you about the pain, agony and sleeplessness nights but so few are happy to tell you what an incredible experience you are going to encounter, an experience that so many women would trade their soul for! Besides most women go back to birth a child a 2nd time but how many do you know that would cut off their arm with a butter knife twice?
Forget your SIL and anyone else who are just plain nasty- they obviously dont 'count' and you are better off with people who are supportive of how wonderful of a mummy you are.
Wishing you an amazing birth (perhaps a bit longer to get you some assistance and a place you want to be to birth)

[helle]

I have told people i am not scared of the 'physical' pain as i really don't remember much with DD's birth

I don't really remember much with Jayvan's birth either, pain wise (I know it's not the same as a full term birth, but I still went through labour... had contractions....)
I think when people say you had it easy they aren't thinking about the other things you are faced with at the time (EG, birthing a dead baby, or in your case having little feet hanging out of you in the middle of your bathroom with no one in cooey!) which certainly would not have been easy!

I guess what I'm trying to get at is when you are faced with more conerning matters, especially when it involves your children, pain is really the last thing you are wanting to think about... Sorry, my brain... it's pregnant you know XD

Anyway...Some people should just shut their mouths, really