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Thread: really frustrated

  1. #1
    pooky Guest

    Question really frustrated

    my partner thinks i raise my voice but my tone is frustrated i feel so bad and like she pushes me away i dont totally understand how to react especially with her hormonal fragility. i really care for her she is the love of my life ! she is six weeks pregnant with severe morning sickness and depression i stay positive around her but deep down i am chewed up and hurt ! can anyone offer suggestions on relief for morning sickness?


  2. #2

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    Just moving this to Pregnancy General Discussion Pooky, you'll get a better response there.

  3. #3
    pooky Guest

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    thanks sherie need a little help athe moment

  4. #4

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    Pooky, get your wife a punching bag or, failing that, another victim (from the TV). My husband never understood how I could go off on one at a character on an advert, but now adverts don't annoy me, so he gets the brunt of it. With enough hindsight it's amusing, at the time it really isn't.

    As for morning sickness, ginger biscuits or sour cream and carrots seem to be the suggestions I've heard the most of, but constant grazing seems to be the way to go. I know some people swear by ginger biscuits WITH sour cream and grated carrots on top. *shrug* must be a pregnancy thing.

  5. #5

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    Hey Pooky, I have searched the BellyBelly main site and have found these articles that you might find helpful;

    Pregnancy Ailments and side effects
    Ante-natal depression
    10 minute relationship rituals

    Don't forget that she is going through some huge physical and emotional changes right now and is probably not sure of how she feels herself right now and will try to push you away because she might feel that you can't possibly understand what she is going through, especially if she is really sick from morning sickness.

    I hope these articles help.

  6. #6
    pooky Guest

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    well if i got caught laughing at the moment boy oh boy would the world look grey ! my partner gets so negative to the point it wears me down i know she cant help it even though she thinks i dont understand , i offer to take her to the doctors to seek medical advice but i get pushed aside it really hurts and makes me feel left right out of the picture when all i want to do is help her.

  7. #7

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    It is probably going to be a rough few weeks for you both until she is feeling somewhat better, but just try to be patient and just let her know that you are there for her when she needs help. Maybe she has it in her head that being pregnant means you should be this all knowing earth mother type person, but the reality is quite different.

  8. #8
    pooky Guest

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    thankyou soo much that info on ailments/ depression it was really helpful i understand a little more now.i forgot to say i am 31 and my partner is a beautiful 39 she has a daughter already (19) . i also feel that she is worried about what everyone else will think if shes seen pregnant at 39 i am sure she feels like she will lose part of her life but life is just beginning she has a man that loves her thick and thin. she gets so angry at me and her self .

  9. #9

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    Would she benefit from writing down all her emotions? Sometimes it helps just to get them out and diaries are really useful for this.

    As I said, with hindsight (and calming down!) it is amusing, although it's not at the time. I think the diary I have here on BB is one of the best things that happened to me, it's just so good to get it out and have a few virtual hugs before I let rip and kill my DH sometimes. Other times... well, so far I've changed the house locks because he upset me, but I think that's as far as it has gone. Yet.

  10. #10
    pooky Guest

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    DH ? i think i am pretty good to her most times but at the moment i feel so left out cause my partner just shoves me aside then throws all bad points at me.this is so hard !we have a wonderful healthy relationship usually,at the moment i feel left in the gutter she has no reason to be mad at me.

  11. #11

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    DH = dear husband.

    Hun, she has every reason to be mad at you - you unleashed the evil hormones within! OK, my husband did laugh at me for that explaination, but when you're feeling tired, crappy, long day, throwing up, headaches, generally low (because of the weakened immune system - it hits you hard) and PMS ten times worse than you've had before, then it does almost make sense to blame the person who got you in that state in the first place.

    Trust me, it really is just the hormones. This does settle down somewhat in the second trimester, but until then it's hell - not just for you, for your poor partner who knows that she's being silly but can't stop herself. I know I've been silly at times over really, really stupid things - like the time my husband spends on his car, and even the attention his pillow gets (which I hid from him at the weekend because I'm so sick of the pillow, he thought I'd thrown it away haha!) but please be assured that this will pass, all these hormones really do make us do stupid things. This isn't to let her off entirely, as even I don't deserve to be let off entirely and if you met my husband you'd see entirely the mitigating circumstances.

    As you pointed out, she last had this 20 years ago so having all this hit you again when you'd forgotten all about it is really scary, no wonder the menfolk seem to run to the hills. Even DH's best mate has learnt my "scary look" and I usually only see him for mealtimes!

    Get your partner onto BB if you can - I want to talk to other girls with stupid hormones so we can laugh at each other together!

  12. #12

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    DH means Dear Husband.

    Pooky - you know the worst point of having gastro... where you feel so ill and they slightest thing irritates you (the ticking of the clock, the next door neighbours dog, the ads on tele...) that is what morning sickness is like ALL the time. Its horrible and I hated it lol. I know that when I'm that sick I could be given anything I ever wanted on a golden platter and it wouldn't be enough because it didn't make the sickness go away!!! This is enough to make any one cranky! Does that help put things in perspective?

    I'm sure it'll ease up soon and things will get better.

    Best of luck.

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryn
    even the attention his pillow gets (which I hid from him at the weekend because I'm so sick of the pillow, he thought I'd thrown it away haha!)

    LMAO, Please explain this in more detail!!


    Pooky, I can only second what the others are saying. The other thing would be to some how get her to log on to Belly Belly as well & discover what a wounderful bunch we are & how much support we have to offer.

  14. #14

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    Pooky, you could also try for the morning sickness what they call sea bands. They are available from most chemists and look kinda like tennis wrist bands. They have magnets which go on acupressure points (instructions are included). These have worked wonders for me. I had morning sickness a lot worse this time than first time.

    I don't think people would look at your partner in any bad light for being pregnant at 39. My aunty was about that age when pregnant with my cousin. Hope things get better soon and the hormones will settle.

  15. #15

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    OK, let's all laugh at the mad pregnant woman whose husband you don't know and empathise with!

    My DH has "his" pillow. He's had this horrid thing since before I knew him, it's a really hard foam one. If it were a mattress I'd love it, but I like sinking my head into my pillows. But, he has a bit of an attachment to it. He "can't sleep" on other pillows, so if we're staying at my parents for over a week, Pillow has to come with us. And DH will get into bed, snuggle down, murmuring and cuddling... Pillow. I hate pillow! I should get the cuddles and the sweet nothings (for all he insists his murmuring is just getting comfy and dribbling). I've told him this for the last five years and he still doesn't get it. But now I'm not just disliking the pillow, I'm exceedingly hormonal and there's the pillow, looking at me, taunting me...

    So I stuffed Pillow under the bed when I changed the sheets at the weekend. DH just gets an empty pillowcase on his side of the bed. You can see the pillow easily, but DH decided that night to turn off the light, get undressed, then come to bed. So he never saw the missing pillow.

    DH: Where's my pillow?
    Ryn: Why should I know? Maybe Pillow is sick of you cuddling it instead of me so ran away.
    DH: *laughs and snuggles up onto my pillows* Pillow did not run away; I do cuddle you sometimes. Where is it?
    Ryn: I don't know why you think I know. *long pause* Bin men are coming tomorrow, right? You did put all our rubbish out, didn't you?
    DH (frantic): Where's Pillow? Where's Pillow? Where have you hidden my pillow?
    Ryn: I'm not the one who has run away.
    DH: Where have you hidden Pillow? (he has a bit of a one-track mind)

    So he ends up deciding in the wardrobe, and franticly searching through that before I tell him to leave the light on and come to bed. I did get a cuddle that night too!

  16. #16

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    ROFL Ryn, that's priceless!

  17. #17
    Jacquelyn Guest

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    Pooky

    Firstly I want to say what a sweetie you are for coming here in search of a little help and understanding of what your partner is going through. Kudos to you!

    I am not going to speak to the hormones and the morning sickness as there are plenty of gorgeous BB mum's and mum's to be that I am sure will help you on that front.

    What I will speak to you about is being pregnant later in life with an older child and younger partner. My husband is 26 and I am 41 Ocotber 7, yep you read right. I have a 15 year old from a previous marriage and also a just turned 5 and 3 year old. I too was concerned about what people may think about me being pregnant again later in life and to someone whom at the time looked young enough to be my son. The thing is it really isn't just what I thought, people actually had the audacity to verbalise some really hurtful and not very insightful comments to my face, and it cut to the quick.

    Luckily for me I had a supportive husband and your lovely partner has you. All you can do is be there for her, as my husband was. He really manged to get me through relatively unscathed and now years later (even if at the time with my hormones and the like, I didn't realise) we talk about it and I am able to say a big THANKS.

    Just think this will be your partner here one day admitting she was just a "wee bit" difficult when pregnant, and that others suck sometimes, but you somehow make it better!!

    Good luck

    Jacquelyn

  18. #18
    Jacquelyn Guest

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    Ryn

    I am laughing so hard I am almost knocking myself out with my boobs.

    What a ripper!!!

    Jacquelyn

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